The noise of this world.

This cross is a little hard to see but it is really cool. It is two bug trails crossing in the "Moon Dust" In the mornings at Leatherneck you would see all sorts of little footseteps in the sand until the wind started blowing.

Being back at Kandahar Air Field is strange in a way. It is so large that it is like being in a city compared to Leatherneck. So many things here, people, cars, buildings etc. It is almost too much activity for me.

The funny thing is that being here has scattered my brain a little. I can feel the difference in my attitude, my thoughts and my habits. Immediately opon my return the hecticnous started to consume me. I could feel a different level of stress start to build inside of me.

I also felt the unsettled feeling start to rise inside. Being put in a room with three other people only having as much space as your stuff will take up. It is also strange that the roommates don't seem to want to talk as so much. They stay in this little bubble of a bed and seem not to want to come out of it.

Compared to the last few weeks I am the furthest Spirtually from the Lord now as I have been since I have been here. I struugle a bit to concentrate on His word when I am reading and my writing has dwindled to a few short paragraphs each morning. The business of everything does draw me away.

I relate this to my life. When I was first in Kandahar It was all new, but I was scared and lonely. I was dependant on Him more because of this. Going to Leatherneck allowed me the time to spend with Him. There was not the business to draw me away. I was still lonely but my mind was able to focus on Him more so than everything else. Now that I am back at KAF, the business has taken over, the simpleness is gone and I struggle to concentrate on Him.

I find this at home, actually it is a microcosm of my life. When I am scared and lonely and in need I have ease in finding Him. When I am relaxed and quiet and in a routine I have ease finding Him. When I am busy, and preoccupied and have much of the world around me I have difficulty finding Him.

This world is darkness. The things that in this world are not of Him and do not allow us the opportunity to seek Him. They in very subtle ways draw our attention away from Him. Like Peter when He left the boat, I am sure he was good until he saw the first wave, That one stole his attention from the Lord. The second began to show him what was around him, and he began to sink. Then as he noted all of the waves heis complete attention away from the Lord, he sank. In his desperation, like mine when I first arrived, Hereached for the Lord again and set His focus on the saving hand that was reaching down for him.

We must look for ways to remove the waves from our life, the noise, the business, the things that divert our attention from Him. We must find ways to move through the darkness of this world without letting the world catch our attention. Find the quiet time, make the quiet time, remove the obsticles.

I feel it sitting here, that I have moved away from Him a little. I feel some guilt as if I am cheating Him in some way. I feel the draw of this place, the water drawing me down, so I must reach for Him. I must focus on His hand.