Third start this morning! Not sure if I am just worn out from all of this writing everyday or if I am just so focussed on going home that I am not hearing correctly from the Holy Spirit, not being lead as I was. I even wonder sometimes how many people actually read the Blog, or at least look forward to reading it. It has been a way for me to communicate, to document and to give something to all that are out their from my experience here. But I wonder how many times someone is now thinking, "boy, that was interesting, or even good" or do they say " just Mike with the same old stuff.
Don't mind me today, I alomost think I am having a pitty party for myself. I got beat up a little by my own actions / mind and I am wrestling through the thoughts as we speak. Is that ok to do? Have a pitty party that is, is that ok? I think it is but it is strange that when that happens there is alomost a feeling that I am eternally seperated from God. Our minds can be terrible places, where satan just loves to try to play. The good thing is that I know that the alone feeling is not true. I also know that I have not lost my salvation, I am just be convicted which is grand.
The thing that gets me though is that you can have a feeling or feelings that you have gone so far backwards in one shot. You in essence forget the path that you have taken and all the things that you have come through, and grown through and you throw yourself back to the beginning. This in a factual sense is not true, he never leaves us or forsakes us, we are His heirs and we have inhereted the Kingdom through Jesus Christ and most importantly is His grace and forgivness based on His Love. It is our minds, my mind that twist this truth.
The wrestling is the Spirit yellig at me to stop being stupid. Yes I may have moved into the wrong state but the Spirit is the one who is battling the flesh and the world, I just get caught up in that fight. That is the battle in my mind once reason takes back over. Don't dismiss what is happening here. We must facilitate the battle in a way, help out and preapare for it but the battle is not all ours, it is the Spirit within that really takes the lead.
As I work this out today, ultimately in some way I will have gained ground. Nothing given to Him will not see His reward so if anything else I will have grown, maybe somone else will have gotten something from this. Maybe at some point today or in the future I will be able to relate better to somone elses situation. In the end I know this all matters for Him and therfore it is good, while it is happening it sticks.
In conclusion, stuff happens. Know the truths that God has placed before you in His word so that you can use them as anchors as you need them. Realize that we are not perfect and a pitty party may occur but it does not mean that you have to go back to the start or that you have lost any ground, only that you are taking new griound in a tough way. He is there and trust that, always.
Lord, just use this day for your glory. If I am having trouble doing so then I know that you will take it from me and use it. Thank you that you can love me when I am having trouble doing it. That you will keep walking along with me even when I am just looking at my feet. Also thank you that when I can not fight, the Spirit fights for me, thank God! In your name I pray Amen.
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