Today, a little thing has been on my mind. I am not exactly sure of why but I figured it has hung out with me now for the better part of twenty four hours so I should pay it some due.
Yesterday, I woke up at my regular 3:30 to start my day. Like usual just before the clock alarm went off my internal "potty clock" woke me up. So sitting up and slipping my flip flops on I departed my room for the walk over to the Porta John. When I returned to my room it struck me that my room was very dark, more so then normal. Usually the power light on the computer and the power light on the AC/Heater are on enough to light the room. They were not.
At this, the thought ran through my hed that the power was off. I figured that something must have happened to the generators, which is normal. Because of this I figured since I would not be able to see to read it would be a good day to get an extra hour of sleep so I slipped back into bed and set my alarm clock for 4:30.
What felt like just a few minutes later the alarm clock was ringing and up I got for a second time. Looking around again, there was still no light, only the darkness. Realize now that we are in a blackout camp and for the most part there is very little ambient light anyway. Having neither of the normal lights on in my room made it very dark. At this I just figured that nobody knew of the power problem and I would inform Ops as I went to make my coffee. Using only my flashlight I got dressed and made my bed.
I made my coffee and let Ops know to call Power Gen that the RLB's had no power. I then rteurned to get my coffee and sit at the phone to call home. I explained to Catherine that I was calling on the regular line as the power was out in my room. Also that I would try to call her back before she went to bed but it depended on the power and if the phone was available at the time. After we hung up, back to my room I went.
On the way along the Boardwalk walkway through the office area I passed he overnight Pwer Gen Mechanic and he indictaed that the Generator was fine and that he would call Electrical to check out the problem. Ok I said, so I still don't have power I asked. No he replied. We continued on and I returned to my room.
I figured at this point I would read a bit with just my flashlight, reminiscent of my time at Leatherneck. I sat at m desk reading 1 Samual and then Psalm 9 by flashlight. Just about the end of Psalm 9 I thought that I should just open the curtain (towel) on the window and let the morning light in, that would help with the reading. So I remioved the towel which helped greatly. As I turned I looked at my lightswitch and figured to give it a shot, and on came the lights. I then turned on the computer, on it came, and then the heating unit, on also. Ah problem solved.
Here is the catch. I talked to every one involved and there was no electrical problem. Nobody had done anything to the power. The other people around me indicated that they had power and light when they got up. Nothing was wrong. There was no power issue!
See I had convinced myself that there was no power. Because the things that I was used to having for light were no on, things weren't normal I convinced myself that they weren't. I literally went about my business for almost two hours with the absolute in my head that I had no power in my room. Not once, up to the point that I flipped the light switch did I try to check, there was no reason to, it was off plain and simple.
I guess the point is, now that I have written this experience out, is this. We can very easily convince ourselves of things that are not actuall occuring. We can assume much and without checking move in our lives without cionfirming what we think. You can use this example with fear and within relationships. We can even look at it in or Spiritual formation and faith.
I can assume my wife is angry at me and react in a negative way or I can sit and check the facts. We can here a noise in the house and think the worst. With our faith, we can discount something as unbelievable or foolish without looking into for ourselves. Satn can play in this area. He can cause us to doubt because we fear, or everything within us tells us something different. WE can have doubt because those around us don't have the same faith so we then weaken. You can place any number of circumstances into this senerio but the end result is the same. We can have doubt, and act on that doubt, be convinced that we are acting in truth, because we simply did not check for ourselves.
Lord, nobody will ever take my testimony away from me. There will not be doubt as to what you have done in my life. I may have times of struggle and times of none, but I will continue to move towards you. I ask also Lord that I never settle for the simple explination, for what I see only on the surface, that I continue to dig into my faith, work things out, flip the switches, and not ever just blindly walk in the dark. I ask that also for those that read this today. Amen
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