Yesterday I was walking out of the office and Mohammad was standing near the desk of another Indian man. They were looking at photographs of a young Indian woman, some with other family members, some with a small child. I asked the man if that was his wife? Mohammad responded to me saying, no Sir, that is Fiance'. The man clicked back to the picture of her standing alone with the black dress and black head scarf.
Knowing their traditions I then asked if his parents had found this girl for him, if he knew her. At this Mohammad said that this woman was this mans "Love Marriage", not his " Arranged Marriage". He followed this up with telling me that he knew this girl and they have been dating for a while. The man then said that he would be married later this Spring, and that the pictures were from the celebration for the marriage engaugement party with the family. So instead of the traditional arranged marriage, he was going to marry the girl he loved.
I know, I sound like I expect that every Indian family or person has an arranged marriage. But here is what struck me, the Term Love Marriage. This being different then in a way then the arranged marriage, of course it is. In a prior conversation with a Muslim man in KAF, he told me how arranged marriages are better then our marriages. That first the family is involved and then finds someone they will like. Then he could spend the first part of the marriage falling in love and learning his wife and the second half enjoying that relationship. he also indicated that the divorce rate was alot lower in his country, but therre are lots of reasons for that.
Anyway, in my mind then I started to relate these words to my faith. Love Marriage vs. Arranged Marriage. I thought about my relationship with Jesus Christ, what was it, of course we are told He is the Bridegroom and we are the Bride. So do I have a Love Marriage or an Arranged Marriage? I am not going anywhere predestination or the like so don't worry.
Anyway here is where it took me. I believe that as a Christian, me, I have a Love Marriage to Jesus. As a matter of fact, it was love at first sight as the day I was saved I looked at Him and immediately followed and fawned out of this new love. I knew that He was the one I was to follow and love, He was in my heart at that very moment.
Ok, so an arranged marriage for me was the religion of my childhood. In my case it was Catholisism. My parents, being praticing Catholics, descided (based on religious practice) that I would be brought up Catholic. They found me my Bridegroom and presented me to my faith in that way. Here is the Church and what you will be and how you will be that. Now I was young and my life was about playing games and hanging out with my friends, the Church thing at the time didn't mean anything, but my parents said it was important and therefore it was important. At some point even, I thought I would understand what they were talking about and why it mattered.
In the same way the man in Kandahar had explained it this was my faith at the time. that I would spend the first years getting to know it and then at some point love would ake over and the rest of my life I would enjoy the relationship that formed. Unfortuanately, or fortunately, it did not work out for me and the "man upstairs" at the time. This arranged marriage was missing one thing, me and my heart.
Now jump ahead thrity years and lots of self induced heart ache. Here comes the man of my dreams (I know this sounds funny but it works). My Prince in Shining Armor. I meet Him and He fullfills the emptiness that I, and all men have, and I say wow, here is the answer. At the same time Jesus is pouring out to me, into my heart, through the very real and living Holy Spirit. Not like in my younger years, I felt the presence and conviction, my heart was in the game. I I moved in this love and conviction the relationship grew and love was abounding. This was a Love Marriage consumated with my Baptism.
When my faith was based on the traditions of my family and not on my own feelings it was dead. I could and did go through the motions and may have waited years to know Jesus as Lord and Savior. Some traditions will keep people stuck exactly where they are at without change forever without truly feeling the love. Yes, the traditions and faith can bring somone to a loving relationship with Jesus but it will not be until that individual meets the living God face to face. Until we know in our hearts and speak it with our mouth, Jesus is my Lord and Savior, I want Him in my life, to guide and lead me, it is just not going to be the same.
So without any big ending to this Blog today I ask this, regardless of what faith you have, where does it stem from? Do you walk in it because it is what your family has decided. Is it the tradition that you have maintained since childhood and therefore you will just accept it as if it were the Arranged Marriage or do you truly feel in your heart that your faaith is based in love. That you undrstand it and accept it for what it is personally doing for you now? Are you in a Love Marriage in your faith, one that you are fully enjoying everyday? One that is your own and you know exactly why you are there?
Lord, place in each persons heart the ability to descern why they are where they are. Maybe with no faith, dead faith out of pride or selfish ambition. Maybe with a faith that they just don't undrstand but are afraid to change. Maybe with a true faith based on what there heart tells them. Whatever the case, wherever they are have them realize the truth and live in that truth. Alow them to experience a true and wonderful Love Marriage with you. Amen
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