A Snapshot

The other day my mother commented on my post "80's Music Trivia". She said she was glad to see that I was having fun with something. That she recalled that when I was young I used to laugh and giggle and do silly things. That she remembered that part of me and it spoke into her heart. She said that, "it seems that so many of your days have no laughter in them". This of course has had me thinking, is this true? So today, it is on my heart, have I lost my laughter?

I want to start by saying, Mom, I love you also, so very much. From that one sentence I can see into your heart and know the concern that you feel. I know that you only want one of your children to have joy in their life and not have to think that they are sad in any way. I think that often of my own children. Maybe sometimes too much. You and dad did a great job with us boys and we had a ggod home. I messed a lot of that up as I walked my own path. Nothing in me ever thinks that I was not happy as a youth.

I know how your heart is, as I examine mine over and over again. I ask myself what is it that is in me is it joy or sadness. To be honest, I think that you are correct as most of my days have no laughter in them. I see however that there is a big difference betwen laughter and joy.

It is very difficult for me to be seperated from my family and friends, my church. Everyday I sit and wait for the small interactions that I may have with Catherine or the kids. Some days this waiting is torturious others days it is not. Things seem always here to be exagerated for me, emotions, time, everything. A few times a week I speak with others, my mens group, Frank, you mom and dad. Those are the times for me that are oasis in the dessert. They are times when my mind can truly settle. I can close my eyes and have comfort as I think of home.

My writing tends to focus on the contrasts of this place and what I see, however, they become just a single moment of my day for the readers. You get to see what may amount to a brief thought, expanded to several paragraphs of words. You see my life only through this small window and from that, piece together my life. You only see my life through a snapshot. It must be tough only to have that snapshot, but understand it is only just that. Just like the snapshot , it has no meaning unless you look at the picture. So I will dive deeper and hopefully you will understand me.

On the surface I derive no simple pleasures from this place. Most of what I hold dear in this world is on the outside of the fence and far away. The things that are the closest to me are the things that are the furthest away. This, in the snapshot of my life that you see, must take up most of the picture. It is in fact the background of everything that you see. There are details that are within the picture but at first glance they are not seen.

If you look closer, you will see the details of my life here. You will see Chandel, my new Brother in Christ, whom I love. You will see his words that cut into my heart, "Sir, what will happen to me when you leave?" You will see the joy that I have in knowing that this man now has a relationship with Jesus Christ. That he is becoming changed from what the world would have seen as a good man, to what the world will see as a Godly Chritian Man. You will see that he and I will be connected forever because of this time the Lord has given us.

As you look again, you will see the details of the Kenyan Evangalist, Robert, who has been here with me from the begining. He is a Rock for me and trusted by me for prayer and fellowship. You will see how, in Gods ultimate plan, brought us together and then through him Chandel was Saved. You will see also the details of the Ministry that Robert and I have here for those that have no time for other prayer.

In this snapshot you can see Navin, Raga, Kishan and BK. All men who have sat with me and prayed with me and now know of the Lord Jesus Christ. That each has had a seed planted in them through me by the Holy Spirit and with that the seed may grow and they may also one day call Jesus Lord and Savior.

You will see, all of the Chaplins assistants, Richard, Phil and Matthew whom I have fellowshiped with that are such fine young men. They, each in their own way have strengthend me in the Lord. They have been there as men to speak into my life when I needed them and become trusted with the details of that life.

With them, all of the other Soldiers and men. Those that have come in and out of each day here. Some whom I have written about and some who have just passed briefly in mention. They all are the fine details that are only seen with a very closes look but no less important than anything else in the snapshot.

You will also see the small things that make up the foreground of the snapshot. That I have met hundreds of individuals that I would not have met before, from all around the world. That I have made some of them my friends and thus my world has gotten smaller. That each one of them is now a memeory in my heart that will never leave. That they make up the colors of the photo.

You will see also in the foreground of the snapshot that I have grown so much for the Lord. That my dependance is more and more becoming not on man but in the Lord. That no book nor sermon could ever show me what God has shown me here. That as I walked the path for Him, that I stepped out in service for Him, He has given me my ultimate trial. That this trial will, to this point, bring me more growth than anything else I have ever done. That If I can withstand but a single year here, then anything back home should be simple.

In that, you will see that, each day I must wake my self up by stepping in faith. I must ask the Lord to show me what He have me see. That I must remind myself that He is in control and that I am but His servant. You will see that in that I have Joy that I am His and He will take care of me through all of this.

Each day you only see the snapshot of my life. Like a snapshot unless you look close enough you may only see the big picture. But unless you stop, and examine it closely, you may never see all of the details. You will not see the little things that add color and dimension. You must stop, and most of all, look at the perspective of the photograph and why the snapshot was taken. What was the intent of the photographer? Then you will see more.

I find my Joy in the Lord and what He is doing in my life. That is my perspective. I believe that my life is His and that I must follow His commision on my life, that is why I have taken the photo. I am blessed by Him each day in many ways, those are the details. I want my life to be a wittness and that is why I share the picture. I find my joy there.

Mom, know in heart, from this day forward that laughter is only the external part of happiness and joy. For me, I am happier now then I had been for many years. I look to my Joy in the Lord, and to some, maybe, that is strange, but to me it is my life. I hope one day that you can understand this, but for now all you have is my word on it. For now, enjoy the snapshots for what they are, enjoy them from my perspective.

Lord, may you continue to lead my Life as I give it up to you.