Let there be Joy in the suffering.

Oh no, I am feeling some of the ache in my stomach again. It shouldn't be here as I left this in Kandahar, I was stepping forward with Him and leaving that connection to home at the foot of the Cross. Why then is it here? Why am I thinking of things?

I can only figure that I am leaking faster than I am being filled. I am spending my hours at night with Chandel as he thirsts for the Word of God. I am with brothers at prayer twice a week where either Robert or I lead the group. I am going to Noon Prayer without the presence of Chaplin Johnson as he is on R&R and some days I spend speaking with Richard the Chaplins Assistant. My filling has become the few brief minutes I can read my devotional, Wednesday Bible study and Sunday Worship.

The harder part of it now can be the constant battle of being a light in this dark world. I spend my time in an office of people who are completely hypocritical, sexes, racists and just fully engauged in things in this world. I listen to coments about my Faith often, swearing that is more than I have ever dealt with before, hypocracy, and blatent disregard for others continually. The only solice I have is with those that are seen by these other as lower than themselves, the Foriegn Nationals. Don't get me wrong, there are good people here, but there are also very bad people here.

It is funny that when I ask to be the hands and body of Christ, to be used by Him, to be a light how fast I wear out. I am just not practiced enough to withstand the constant draw. My body is not prepared enough for the battle that is at hand.

I know this is why I am at this spot. I know that I have been attached because of the blessings that He is pouring out around me to His Kingdom. I know that this is to make me stronger so He can use me more. I know, and I am, giving this to Him but it does not mean that the feeling inside goes away.I must walk through this with my head held high, knowing that it will only benefit Him each day that I overcome my feelings and rely on Him. It will only allow me to be stronger during the next period of trial so that I may Glorify Him.

I am tired and I need your prayers. I am tired but only because I am exhausting myself for Him so in your prayers let there be joy that His Kingdom is benefitting. Let there be joy that I can be here to be used by Him in such a loving way. Let there be Joy in my suffering.