The Wait

I writing realy late today as I spent seven hours in a hallway waiting to recieve my CAC card. I could have made an appointment and avoided the wait. The next available days were on Friday. So I sat and waited from 0620 to 1330 and then finally my name came up.

It did afford me time to read Max Lucado, God Came Near which I started on the flight down here, and I finished while I waited. I don't think I have ever read a book in two days, so to speak. If any of you don't know the book he wrote it in 1986 and it was republished in 2004.

The reading afforded me time of reflection which in many ways is good and in many bad. These books are written for people to relect on their lives and that is fine except when they speak of being a husband or a dad or children and things. That is difficult for me as those are the things that pain me the most. Useually as you read these books, sitting in your easy chair, you can, in the moments of true heartfelt emotion stand and go hug your wife and cry on her shoulder as you think of her love. Or go out on the front porch and watch your son as he skateboards and think of when he tried his fiirst trick and now he is kick flips with ease. Or play a game with your daughter as she talks about a new animal she wants for a pet and you just fall into the thoughts of her eventual wedding day. Here those things can't be done.

It takes me a while sometinmes to get past these moments. I sat today in a hallway holding back excessive tears praying to the Lord, praying and giving to Him what is His. The things that I can't handle on my own, my lonliness, my time away from my cry to go home. I sat and spoke to the Lord that in my mind I knew that I must complete what I have started. I must hold strong to the beliefs that I am here for a reason, even if that reason is something I never planned on.

I sat for a while today just going over in my head the Truths that the Bible speaks to us. That He will not give me anything I can not handle. That He will give me rest. That He will never leave or forsake me. That I am called to glorify Him in all things and that in all things I should be thankful for they are of Him. Ialso sat and struggled against the evil that tells me it would be ok to quit. It would work out even if you were home in your easy chair. The battle is not over however the fighting has lessoned.

The wait, it is what hurts the most. The wait, before I can hug my wife. The wait before I can return home. The wait is also what I know will bring me strength. The wait is what cases me to wrestle with God and fight the devil. The wait hurts and the wait rewards.

Like today the wait was tendious and uncomforatble but I endured and was able to get my CAC card. So will be this year, tedious and uncomforatable. In the end I pray that I was able in some way just to Glorify Him.