My Better Half.

My wife Catherine is very strong, I have said it over and over again. I know she is stronger than me, she always has been. When I was not saved and my life was out of control, she remained and saw the family through. Now that I am over here she is still seeing the family through. Keeping the house, the kids, her own job and everything else that I don't have room to list here.
At my weakest times she remains a stable guidpost for me.

I can be assured that she will be there and listen to whatever is on my mind. Countless phone calls from me at all times of the night and day. Always giving me a least a few minutes to say hello or an hour just to cry. No matter what, she has been there.

Catherine lately has been pointig me very lovingly back to God as I have been struugling. She knows where first I should look, not to her but to Him. I am sure she would love to give her opinion and her thoughts first but, out of real love, sheasks me to seek Him in prayer and loving fellowship. Then I can return to her.

My wife knows and loves the Lord, hopefully more than me and with this love she can trust Him to see me through. She know He will, better then she can, guide me in my times of need. She knows that when I do this she then can begin to discuss with me where I am at, what my thought are and all of my feelings. That until I have brought things before the Lord, I would not be anywhere near where I need to be to hear her.

You all have heard me before say how thankful for my wife that I am. She is absolutely a gift from God to me. In His perfect plan He gave me the perfect woman to make me whole. She has the qualities in her that I am lacking and He knew this before time began. Praise God.

The moral to the above is that we can not overlook the importance of those around us, especially our spouses. We can not be davoid of who and what they are. We can not pass off their relationship with God as unimportant to us. We also can't control that relationship. We must trust the Lord always to be working in the lives of the believers around us. We must trust when they say things out of love that they are the leading of the Spirit in them. I trust that in my wife. I trust His strength in her and I rely on that strength.

Thank you Lord, again, for the the wife that you have given me. Thank you for her un failing love of you, her steadfastness to your truth and her perseverance. May I have strength like hers one day founded in your Glory.

Getting Over The Hump

Listen, as if I were talking right now, I need prayer. Even you who don't believe in God you can pray, don't worry about it, He will understand that you are just trying to help me out. Anyway, I am trying to get over this "hump" here. I am not quite half way through my year and I am back into having the daily ache in my stomach.

December 18th as a matter of fact is the mark. From that point on it is all downhill. I remember this because it is the day after Catherines Birthday. (Really her birthday is the 18th, but for years I have said the 17th). MAybe because my mind is focussed on this date I am seeing that I will still have just as long to be here as I have had completed.

My Brother Tony, was very good the other day with His words of encouragement. He focussed on the work that I have completed thus far and how that is, and is going to be used by God in the future. He very effectively pointed out that I could have never recieved this training for Minisrty if I were home, with my family and friends. It would have been impossible. Gods plan includes what I am going through for a reason. This is great encouragement for me. It gives this all purpose and without purpose in life we are lost.

Catherine, also encourages me, in that she has me always bring these things, these times, back to God, the right place to be. She very simply will ask me to ask God what He wants me to learn, or know, or see through the experience. She reinforces the fact that it is God who is in control and instead of shooting from the hip I must trust and obey. She usually ends with "if it is Gods will He will bring you home." Not what this big baby always wants to hear but it is the Truth.

I did go back to the basics yesterday. I went again over to 1200 prayer at the Chapel on the East Side. There as expected was Richard, of course at the computer. As soon as he saw me he said "what wrong". Probably because of the tears starting in my eyes, but also because it has been a month in a half since I had been there at 1200. We just started talking about this ache and the thoughts that I have been having. He is a good listener and also very wise for his age. I would recommend that anyone who can should find a soldier to have to lean on, they are fine men. At the end we prayed and I felt better, not perfect but better.

Through all of this, I do realize that no matter what I feel God is there for me. That is His promise. Some may not understand but even in my suffering I have Hope and that Hope never fails. I may feel the burdons of this world as God wants us to fully experience this Life as Jesus did so that we can also experience His glory in our lives. Don't mistake this ache for lack of Faith, just see it as one of my trials that will strengthen me.

The Chaplin last night said something that really stood out to me. It is reinforced often by the Apostle Paul, that I can't dismiss my suffering and how it relates to the suffering to Christ on the Cross. In no way is it close, but as Christians it is important to draw this relationship in our lives. To suffer because Jesus suffered and in this suffereing we build persevereance, and charcter and hope. It is counter intuitive to the non Christain but to me it makes perfect sense.

So as I began I need prayer, your prayer, in this battle that continues. Some days softly and some days as loud as if someone was yelling in my ear. Pray for Gods will in my life, that is always best. Pray also for my strength that I will persevere to the end and in that end truly be able to Glorify Him from this.

Be well.

Psalm 103:1-6

Praise you Lord, O my Soul;
All my inmost being, praise his Holy name.
Praise the Lord, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits -
who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like eagle's.

The Lord works righteousness
and justice for all the oppressed.

I read Pslam 103 this morning as part of my prayer time. The events of the last few days have convicted me to endevour to increase my personal devotions to God. More specifically to have more appropriate and meaningful prayer with the Lord. I don't thnk that duration matters as much as intimacy. Bonehoeffer prayed the Psalms, as Jesus did, so I figured taht I would follow that eaxample in my life. Gods Words back to God, as I am trying to avoid the basics pleas of my past prayer habit.

I opened to Psalm 109, and my first thought was "oh, thats a long one". So, i turned the page back a few until i found a Psalm that fit my time table. I am being honest here! Old habits die hard I guess. Anyway, 103 seemed to be the one for me.

As I read, I pused at the end of each part, Praise the Lord, O my soul. I wanted to reflect on each part. I wanted to feel the emotion and thought of God through the Psalmist. I need to place these things in my heart as the treasure of heaven. It is where I failed over the last few days. My Spirtual Armor was missing it's weapons.

All my inmost being, Praise His Holy name. I tried to do things onmy own. When the layers of my own percieved protection were peeled away aI had very little of the Lords protection placed on the inside. My inner strengths was week, like a fascade with no backing.

Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits. As I continued down into my dark place of loniness and dispair I did forget all His benefits. I did not even think about what his promises for me were. What it meant to be His child, an heir to His throne. I did not remeber His benefits until it was too late.

Who forgives all my sins and heals all my disease. He can do all things. He can as we see time and time in the Gospels that our sin and afflictions are related. That Jesus comes and takes away sin and heals the lame or the blind. Was I not blind to the true light as I only looked down at my feet? When I was standing alone, I forgot to ask Him for relief. My faith was weak.

Who redeams my life from the pit and crowns me with love and compasion. Yesterday, that is where I was, in the pit. I was down and seeking Him but relying on my own. His love, is forever and He crowns me with it. His compassion won't allow me to be alone and without His help.

Who satisifes your desire with good things so that your youth is renewed like eagle's. Not the things that I would just satisfy my desires as they fall short of His glory. My desires would have taken the easy way out, found a simple relief. But He satisfies my desires with His Goodness, with the things that work for His glory. With these I truly can be in His glory and soar as an eagle. I nolonger feel the burdons of my life as I become as He leads me to be.

The Lord works righteousness and justice for all the oppressed. He righteousness and His justice prevail. Not my condemnation and pitty for myself. Not the slum that I had myself and my behavior in but where he wants me to be. He holds me and has mne stand tall for Him, to stand on who He is, not who I am. I am to be in Him, not in this world and with that be free.

In His perfect timing, I flipped past the Psalm that was too long, on a day when I was going before Him for the first time in a while. In humility and prayer He spoke to me. He had allowed me to be in the pit just long enough to show me the path. He allowed me sorrow so I could see His Glory again. He showed me His Word to seal in my heart a lsson that I can keep stored up as a treasure of heaven.

Allow His glory to be released in your life. Humble offering of your time in prayer and devotion. Not amounts of time and not with an agenda, only complete love for Him. Give Him your all, if only for a brief moment throughout the day, give it to Him completely.

Lord, thank you for your desire to crown me with your glory. Thank you for your love and compassion and the way it manifest into tangible things throughout my day. Thank you for the messages that I can see when I am looking up. All my love and care to you Lord. Amen

2 Corinthians 1:8-9

"We do not want you to be uniformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentance of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead" 2 Corinthians 1:8-9.

Yesterday was really rough on me. For whatever reason my mind broke down and my thoughts went into a tail spin. One after another, each layer of defense broke down until I decided I was done with this. I was determined that I was going to make plans to Dmob and go home.

The day didn't start off that way, I was a little off, but not in the bottom of a pit looking at the floor wondering where to go, like the afternoon ended up. My post yesterday just didn't hit the mark. Many interuptions caused me to start and stop and loose my train of thought. If the Post takes me to long to write the cohesivness of it just isn't there, and it becomes somewhat disapointing.

I can't say for sure when it happened but before lunch I just mentally fell apart. Like I said, one layer of protection after another started to come off. I could feel myself slowly climbing down itto the hole that I described early. It is not depression, I have been there before, this is totally different. This is as I have discribed, torturous. so many things start to play in the biggest is lonliness. Odd as it may seem, in the middle of 3000 people that you could feel lonely but that is the best way to describe it. No one here could satisfy the need that I feel at that time.

I knew also that I should be seeking Him. He has always been faithful, is always faithful to respond when I have called Him. I know that He is there, but yesterday I just couldn't reach Him. I tried, over and over again. Calling out, praying but I just couldn't get my hand close enough to His. I struggled and continued to move down in the hole further. The feeling of dispare took over.

I sent Catherine an email, as writing usually helps me work these things out. I many times get the answers, or come to the conclusions, that I need to overcome something during a long bable in these. This did not work. At the very least I was letting Catherine fully understand where I am at while I am here. We are one and I need her to know, she wants to know, where I am at each day. She even is very good at connecting with me and directing me in a better direction. The time delay, before she reads them brings more waiting, deeper I go.

Very shortly after the email, I sent this to her "I want to come home". That was it. I was sitting at the bootom of the pit, staring at my feet, no hope. It is a bad feeling. I know all the steps, I know where my heart should be, my strength and soul but I just wasn't able to get it there. I just wasn't able to look up. So I sat, and wallowed, and just lost hope.

Then I started to justify why it would be ok to go home. Why my work here was done. Why I could quit and have it be ok. I was justifing why God didn't need me here and that I could just go home and start this all there. So I was now bolstering my conviction that my feelings were valid and that I was right in my thinking.

I went for A walk at lunch. I prayed, hard. One of the areas in which I have been convicted is in my prayer life. I have been giving the Lord ony a few seconds here and there throughout the day. I was not devoting time to our relationship. This may be why I couldn't quite reach Him in my time of dispare, He wanted me to learn something. So now I would confess to Him that I was lax in my devotion. I called out and appologized for my meager attempts at a relationship. Here I would pour out my heart to my wife but only give Him the rements of my thoughts. I cried, litterly cried to Him to help me. I was now looking up a little from my depths and seeing some light.

At the end of this walk Istood outside of my office trying to sing, and continue to worship in some way. I had not been able to fully relieve myself of this delema. I was trying but I remained. It struck me then at that time that I needed to speak with someone, a Christian Brother. I went next door to the Engineers office, a man named Steve who comes to Church on Sundays. The Lord told me and I responded.

Steve was very gracious. I told Him I needed a Christian Brother and he immediately closed his computer and asked me to sit. As I sat I started to cry, telling him that I was just having a rough time and my mind was telling me to go home. I explained it had started with Thansgiving but got tremendously worse today. He words began to help me even more, we had felolowship in the Lord. I was leaning on Him and it was allowing me to stand up and look even higher.

Shortly after this conversation I was called that I had a letter in the mail. As I recieved it I saw that it was not from anyone I knew. Catlett Virginia, was the town and the name was unfamiliar. I had a few months ago, written letters to several churches to inform them of where their care packages had ended up. This letter was in response to one of them. This woman, Darlene, was so thrilled to have recieved my note of thanks to her church. She told me that the Pastor had read the letter to the Congregation and that it lifted them up.

She went on to tell me about her life a little and in her letter the following statement struck through my heart. "Even through the darkest times one only needs to seek the Light." This was followed several sentences later with this "I pray everyday that God will lead me to where I am needed and that He will give me strength to do His work." God talks to us in many ways. My focus was now turning to where it should be. Even though I was in the pit, I was looking straight up out of the hole, looking towards Him.

Catherine and I spoke around 1500, she had seen my note. I could not control my tears as I described my feelings, where I had been during the day. Catherine also has been in a struggle. This attack was hitting both of us, the Holiday and the lonliness. She is strong however and tends to see things more prctically than I. We talked about what this was, and how we needed to seek Him. She asked if I thought that the fellings were from God or not. If I thought God was calling me home or if Satan was just attacking. She said I had to ask for that descernment.

Catherine and I were able, like Steve before, to work through some of these feelings. To set direction and purpose through the pain. She feels for me when I am in this place, she loves me and she has desire for me to be in a good place always. I climbed higher out of the pit.

Saturday is a special day also in that I can Skype in and listen to the Saturday morning mens group. I look forward to this a brief connection with more of the people that I love so much. On this day I was able to pour out to them my struggle. Brian very graciously lead the men in prayer for me. All gathering around the computer and in Brotherly fellowship praying for my needs. I cried at thier outpouring, tears on my keyboard. But in the end, I came up higher, seeing more of the light that my mind needed.

Just before leaving in the evening, a headache now very prevelent. I was able to speak with the young Muslim man who had sat on my bed a few weeks back and listened to our Bible Study at the end of which he asked for a Bible. He asked if we still did the thing that we did every night. He said that he had been working late but really wanted to join us again. I was so pleased, that here was another note from the Lord, a confirmation of why I am here. This man was seeking and asking for more from me.

I fought a bad headache as I lay down for bed last evening. One of the worst I have had in a long time. When I woke this morning, I prayed. I thanked the Lord for all of the things He had provided me through out the day. I reflected on my thoughts and went to Him in prayer. The verse at the top 2 Corinthians 1:8-9 was in the reading for the day.

I was under great pressure far beyond my ability to endure, I despaired even life. In my heart I felt the sentence of death. But this happened so that I would not rely on myself but on God who raises from the dead. I was dead to this life that I am in. I was dead to my purpose and understanding of that purpose. I wanted nothing more than to flea from this place because of the pressure. My head was going to explode, litterly. But this happened so that I would not rely on myself but on God. Yesterday he raised me from my death.

On instance at a time He extended the opportunities for me to learn. I had dispare and He set me to prayer. I was alone and He set me to fellowship. My life was purposeless and He showed me purpose. I came to Him and He gave me His word to seal the lesson. I must rely on Him ultimately. I must endure as Paul did and continue on the path for which He has me.

I am sorry for the length of this post. I needed to place all this here. It is the way my mind developed these events, but the point is made that God will see us through, in His way and in His time. We only need trust Him. I am still beaten this morning but I am focussed on Him. In our lives it won't be to our undeerstanding butto His. Trust that.

Lord, I appreciate the object lesson of the last twenty four hours. I pray that I never go through this again, but know thatI probably will.

Perspective.

The ups and downs of this life can be so annoying sometimes! I can only imagine how Adam and Eve felt the first few days of their lives when everything was perfect. Walking around talking, playing, even their work was to be easy for them. Walking with God in the garden, full of His wisdom, they maust have been just in awe of everything. Each sound, each others voice, the smells and colors all set out before them so that it was "good" (that is Gods definition of good). Can you imagine?

Then the big mistake, the apple, the fall. I wonder how bad that moment felt to them? Did it all just crash down or did God spare them the agony of the wieght of the world on their shoulders, and deep depression or did he just allow them to experience everything so that they new what they had lost. We know that they felt their shame and nakedness, oh but what else did they feel?

Unlike us, they knew what God had in store for them, they lived it for a little while. We only know this world in it's broken state, what it has become, so our reality of everything being ok or not ok is based on this perspective. So we live our lives based on that perspective.

The last couple of days, really starting Thanksgiving evening, felt off again. Kinda had the ache back again. Mostly thinking of the Holiday season coming up and having to spend it here. Catherine is feeling it also, we are seperated and it is a little rough. We have always enjoyed this time of year together and as a family. We are getting good though and can both seperate the feelings that we have from any thought that we are not walking with the Lord.

We have these ups and downs. I am sure that all couples that are seprated have similar feelings and issues that Catherine and I have. As a matter of fact everybody that is living is going to have good days and bad. We are victims of Tha Fall remember. How we handle these days is so important. I used to handle a bad day with an extra drink when I got home. Some, maybe a pill. Others just hide themselves from the world in a book or TV show or fall into depression. MAny ways and many reasons.

Catherine and I try repeatedly to lean on each other first. To speak to each other open and honestly about how we are feeling. I know that Catherine, mostly tries to put on a good face to the kids but occasionally will let them know of her struggle. It is good for them to know. I am always putting it out there, it is the way that I work things out. We also strengthen each other with Gods word and encouragement of tyhe Hope in the Lord. I can't tell you how many times Catherine has told me that "He must be trying to teach you something through this just be patient". She is right.

We also lean very heavily on the people around us. I know I probably do more than Catherine as she is a lot more independant than I am. I am continiously writing emails, connecting with people on the phone and writing my Blog. I also look for the opportunities here to engauge in more trusted friends to speak about my feelings and fears. These other people are most necessary.

Ultimately we lean on God, and seek Jesus Christ for our guidance. Catherine and I know that we walk with the same Spirit within us, and that ultimately bonds us together. We walk in that assurance and it comforts us. We each rely on God to guide us and that we are both walking towards Him. We stress that in our conversations with each other. We know that ultimately we will be ok because our perspective is towards Him and that is the right place for it to be.

So back to the ups and downs. Isn't it all perspective. Adam Eve had the stark perspective of knowing the best they could ever hope for and then having the worst. We walk in only knowing the perspective of the feelings we have now compared to the best that we have ever felt. We base everything on this. So my up's and down's are all this, just my feelings on this scale that I have created to judge where I am at. Nothing more than this.

That is why, knowing God and walking with Jesus and allowing the Holy Spirit to be your guidpost gives us the consistancy. With the Bible we know what God wanted of us. We know what Adam had. This becomes our Hope, His purpose becomes ours purpose. We look for the end Glory and not the immediate things to stisfy us. We continue because we know that He is in control.

An Elder of ours told Catherine once "Sometimes you are just in the desert". That is absolutely the case. I am learning more and more that the ups and downs can't and won't control my life but that they are just a part of my life. I am learning to just ask Him to show me through. I just seek Him and keep the end as the focus of my perspective.

Be well all and keep your perspective right.

Engauged In This World

I am glad that that is over! Thanksgiving started off ok and became hard for me as the day progressed. I will tell you right now, and maybe I am setting myself up, but Christmas will be rough. Distance makes does make the heart grow fonder but whoever said that must have been just returning from their trip. Distance, with more distance to come makes the heart ache also!

It was nice that so many people were home and able to send notes via Face Book and email. That helped throughout the day to pass the time. I thank you all, those that sent something, for that.

Although my plans for yesterday were bleek they did turn around nicely. A few of us here in the tent were just going to cook and not go over to the DFAC. It just didn't seem appealing to me in the morning. I was down and I was having down thoughts so sitting here in this tent seemed like a great option. Thankfully, after talking to Catherine, crying a little, and working some of the loneliness out I descided that it would be alot better to go and experience my Thanksgiving in the DFAC then in a tent.

Now I will tell you all, that the US Army knows how to throw a party in the middle of the desert. I ate steak, turkey, pot roast, ham, sweet potato's, cranberry and greens. Washed it down with a Beck's N/A and followed it up with the first dessert that I have had in Afghanistan since I have been here. Now that is what I had and it was by no means the half of the choices. Thanks to all of the taxpaying citizens as they fed 3000 people like this. It was well worth the trip over.

In reading Bonhoeffer yesterday, at a pivital point in his life, his return to Nazi Germany on the brink of World War, he realized that God wants us to be fully human and fully engauged in this world. We are to be faithful and spiritual but not absent from the day to day events around us. Bonhoeffer sees that he is playing a role in a plot to remove Hitler from power before things get totally out of control and he struggels with the descision to remain in it. He is a Pastor and Theologian. He is the leader in the Church and he struggles with actively opposing the evil of Hitler or sitting back and doing nothing.

The point to this is that, as much as being here may be difficult. As much as being here causes a tare in my heart and emotional ups and downs, I must fully engauge in my soroundings. I must actively participate in this culture and in the running of the Camp and matters of concern. I can not ignore the world around me and think only that God will take care of me. He will, but He wants also for me to take care of me in the manner that is consistant with His Word. He wants me to be obediant not pias. He again wants us to be fully faithful and fully human.

How does this matter in the context of my Thanksgiving? I was in a sense depressed so I was going to sit around and do nothing. I missing my family so I would not look to find other fellowship. I was lonely so I was going to be alone. All of these the wrong reaction to the wrong thought pattern. What I really needed to do was embrace Thanksgiving here, in Afghanistan, with all of these Soldiers and people from around the world. I needed to apply the thoughts of yesterdays post to the entire day. I needed to be Thankful and give thanks to God for this moment that I am in, not wallow in the moments I was missing.

For me, for you, realize two things, one from this post and one from a previous post. First we are to put what we believe into action or we don't really believe it. So trust in God, trust in Gods Word, Love, Faith and fellowship, along with so many others, must show in our lives always. Second, that we must fully engauge, with the things that we believe in the circumstances that sorround us in the name of God. If we are not doing this then we should just do nothin

It would have been so easy for me to do nothing yesterday and with that nothing would have happened.

Lord, strengthen our faith and allow that faith to move in action. Don't let us hide from this world but bring each person here to a place where we can be fully Spiritual and fully engauged in that world which is around them. Praise you God for letting us live. Amen.

Thanks Giving

"Give thanks in all circumstances for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

1 Thessalonians 5:18

This is a glorious day for us all in American and any American anywhere at this time. A day that we celebrate a part of our history, the real birth of our Nation, the first year of abundance and survival of the Colonist. It is a day that we come together with our families and friends, and pour out our love in the form of cheer and fellowship. How precious is this time for us.

I am already missing the smell of turkey but my mind doesn't take much to place it in my nose. We all could probably do this, flood our minds with thoughts and smells and tastes of this celebration gone by. It is of course part of us and the last few years it has been my favorite of times as I know what it is that is important in my life, my loved ones.

I wasn't sure what I was going to feel today, how I would be without being home, without my family. I am at this point doing ok. As I sat this morning I thought about what it really means and what the Colonist really were doing on their Day of Thanksgiving. They were, in fact, thanking God for His provision to them over the past months.

So here I sit, in Afghanistan, wondering about what I am to be thankful for. The first inclination, and one I had to fight, was to say that there is nothing here for me to be thankful for. I don't have my family, I don't have my friends, I don't even have the smell of turkey. But very quickly I thought that I have a tremendous amount to be thankful for. I still have everything that I had before, maybe not with me, but still not gone.

I have more now then I had before. Don't I? I have this experience to always reflect on. I have the knowledge of this Country. I have knowledges of so many different cultures and people. I have knowledge of small community that I did not have before. Of Discipleship and wittnessing. I have knowledge of terrible things and conditions that people have to deal with and knowledge of hardships that I would have never had to know. I have new friends, men I would have never known before, good friends and great ones. I even have knowledge that these words are read by people I will never know. All this from being here.

1 Thessalonians 5:18 says to give thanks in all circumstance, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. Give thanks in all circumstance, thats where my heart has been through this journey. This is where it is today, in thanking God for this circumstance, as I have tried to do in all. Thanking God for all of the things that are new, old, hardships and joy, for He has provided these to me for His Glory.

Today I ask that you all just to be thankful for all the things that you have. In this thankfulness know that it is from God.

Lord, I trust in you for where you have me be. For the things that you have provided me, good and bad. You have brought me to this place in my life and I thank you for that.

Dignity and Respect.

It amazes me sometimes, I guess mybe not to much anymore, how rude people can be here. We live in tents with nine other people right now and some people just feel as they are the only ones there. Not a care about the others around them.

There are two new young men in the tent with the rest of us that have been in there for quiet some time now. These guys just don't understand that the tent is in essence our home and should be a place where each man can come and find his rest and solice. Even as public and communal as we live we must respect that others may have different sleeping living habits. We like to say here, dignity and respect for one another.

Now before I go any further I must say that I have tried to be mindful that these two young gentlemen also deserve dignity and respect. That they have different habits then the rest of us also and I have tried to be a good wittness, and accepting of them and there habits. But this approach didn't work so well.

So you can get the feel for where I am going, generally after dinner, between 1800 and 2000 men start coming back to the tent and getting ready for bed. Some go for showers and others like me lay down and relax. Again this is time for rest. Between 2000 and 2200 people start to go to sleep. Some like Roberto next to me are closer to the 2000 time frame as he does not sleep very much anyway and is always very tired. Others like myself strive to be asleep by 2200 and no later. Camp rules are lights out at 2200.

These men from the time they came into the tent just had no idea of any of this. It starts out with the constant in and out of the door by not only them, but any friend that descides to stop by to see them. Now somewhere along the line the missed the class on how to close a door without slamming it. They also start to talk o their friends before they even see them, many times almost yelling from the door to them, without thinking that others are their. They also failed to realize that the flourescent light above their beds light up the entire tent. One is enough for all of us to use, they are very bright lights. Several times waking at 0130 and after the lights were on and nobody was home.

So I talked to the other guys and we agreed that there was a little problem going on in our tent. The unfortunate thing is taht we felt that we couldn't say anything as we didn't want any repercussions while we weren't in the tent. So it was descided that I would go to the Operations Department and let them handle the situation by reiterating the tent policies. They did as expected and the light siuation has improved.

Last night, "beep, beep, beep" off goes the horn of a truck. Seconds late rthe door burst open and the loud voices start calling to the man laying in his bed. "Come on man, we're wiating, we got to go. So me being me, said "hey, do you really have to honk the horn around here?" My young room mate then stated "what, I can't even honk the horn now!" Obviously a reference also to the lights. "People are trying to sleep in here and have quiet. You don't need to honk the horn." Sleep, it's only seven. Who is sleeping now?"

So I left the tent, I was on my way out anyway, and out front was a truck full of young men. Within a few seconds out of the tent they came, discussing loudly that they couldn't honk the horn either. Now what do you think they did then? Honked the horn. Yup, twice, at first. No, I didn't react, just took a deep breath and let it go. Then as they backed up, "Honk" yes, again, and then again twice as they pulled off. Yes, I did maintain my compossure. The Lord has taught me lots of patience here.

So I stood and pondered my next move. Obviously, this was not working. I also thought, I should just go and get him fired, he obviously thinks taht I am just another worker here like him. No, I can't do that. So I prayed and asked for guidance. This morning I just reported the issue to the Assistant Camp manager and asked that it be explained to these young men that the tent is a place of rest, each mans home, and that it should be respected as such. He agreeded. He also knew exactly the young man I was talking about and the vehicle he drove so he said he would take care of it. We shall see.

Just use this as a reminder today about dignity and respect. We are all living here, on this earth together and the message holds true where ever and what ever situation you are in. For us Christians it falls under the catagory of Love your neighbor. It also gives us insight into small community, you all must come together with common understanding of the purpose to which you gather. If one has a different understanding of this it causes disruption amungst the group.

Be Blessed each of you. Safe travels on this holiday week.

Lord, I pray for, and ask others to also, these young men and their hearts. That they may see that we must come together, all of us and find common ground. That instead of breading cotemptment they gain understand of the others around them. In your precious and Holy name we pray. Amen.

Men in Fellowship

Men in fellowship. Men coming together to share and worship with one another. Inviting the Spirit to come into thier midst and move them to oneness with the Lord. Loving and open to each other, men of different backgrounds and cultures, standing without differences as one. This is the message of Jesus Christ.

My friends are cherished, loved, honored and respected. Each man with their own experience and knowledge, their own thoughts of how we should fellowship. We join and melt together in unison for our common purpose. Even differences are overcome with grace and forgiveness, knowing that we are not to judge but to love.

I enjoy the evenings with my brothers on Monday and Thursday. As we sing we sing only for the Lord. Out of key and out of tune sometimes, without music all the time but no one cares we are in worship. Each man in their own way, moves to prayer. Some with tongues and some quietly. It becomes an ensamble of prayer with a rythm of its own. Filling of the Spirit coming into the room. The chant then, at some point just moving into a single prayer from one brother. We all agree, and praise God.

Our testimonies very and the Word of God in our hearts become the agenda. Anybody free to feel the leading of the Spirit and speek what comes to them from the Bible. There is no agenda, no initial subject to start us off. There is no discussion or point counter point of what is said. Just the Word of God and what it speaks to the man at that time. True outpouring and recieving, one preacher after another, all else listening. This is sharing, pouring out.

I like this time each week because the time is for devotion, worship, testimony and prayer without any want. With out any other reasons than to invite the Spirit to be present with us. We all recieve by this, not one leaving unfilled. We are full and overflowing from the Spiritual food and the living water that cames from this, from God.

Praise you father for your faithfullness to us. You promise, that where two or three believers are gathered that you will be there. You promise abundance through giving unconditionally to others. You ask us to love one another as we love ourselves and to forgive and have grace, guide us in that. Lift up my Brothers and our prayers. Amen.

The Power of The Spirit

I saw Seth again after about two months. Still a tremendous young man! If you don't recall, Seth's father had cancer and was dieing. Seth, a few nights before he deployed to Afghanistan wittnessed to his father jesus Christ and his father accepted Him into his heart as Lord and Savior. Seth spoke to me about this two months ago with such conviction and confidence even in the light of his fathers impending death. He knew that his father was saved.

Seths father died six weeks ago and Seth was able to go home and perform the uligy (spelling) for the funeral. He is beck now and as I said ablve I saw him for the first time yesterday as we left church. this young man came to me, reintroduced himself, and asked if I could talk for a moment.

I gave him a hug and then he began to tell me that he wanted to let me know that when we had last spoke that I had told him something that has gotten him through the last few months alot easier. He said that I stated that in all things we should be thankful to God and Glorify Him. Good and bad alike are from God, and by trusting Him and Glorifing Him through those we are in His will for us. He had taken this and used it to help him get through this tough time of losing his father.

I was shocked, I didn't think I had said much at all the last time we spoke because I was so impressed with what Seth was saying to me. I felt that day, and you can read it for yourself, that this young man had spoke into my life. I walked away blessed that day and now he was telling me the same thing. I actually started to cry as this is such the power of God working in our lives. Each man recieved from the other as we sat together that day.

We must realize that as Christians our lives matter to each other. We are of one Spirit and that Spirit is continuing to work throughout the Body of the Church at all times. We must always pour everything that we have out to each other no matter what the circumstance is that we find ourselves in. On the day we spoke, Seth was wittnessing to me through his life and the testimony of his fathers salvation. I spoke back to him and in that one moment we both recieved.

Don't hold back. Give out of Love every possible moment you can. You never know how that will be used by God.

If you need to, please go back and read about Seth in the post titled "Seth".

Lord Jesus, thank you for this reinforcement to my faith in your working through the Holy Spirit. May I remain faithful to the Spirits presence and power and allow myself to be used in such ways by Him. Thank you for this and thank you for Seth. Amen.

Hey Fool, Your Going To Perish!

For the message of the Cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God, 1 Corinthians 1:18.

So the obvious question is, what are your beliefs of Jesus death on the cross? The answer will determine if you are saved through the power of God or if you will perish because of your foolishness. Just your reaction to this last statement will tell you where you stand. If you thought something like, oh this is silly, or here goes Mike again preaching to me, then I will tell you are the fool and you will perish.

This is one of the hard truths of the Bible. There are no word parcing here. It is basically a pass or fail question. No in between ground for the unsure. God doesn't play that game of maybe's. He is dead serious with us when it comes to His judgement. He made the rules and He follows them to the letter.

See God really hates our Sins and our disobediance. He can't look opon it without disgust. Unfortunately He had to give us a choice or we wouldn't come to Him freely out of Faith. When left with this choice, like many of you who read this now, we chose our own rules. Their easier. The worst part about that is that we deny who He is when we do it. We may say that we believe in Him but our heart says differently. Ultimately it is what is in our hearts that we will be judged on so.

Jesus was given to us to do what we could not do. To be a perfect example to us to follow. To be what God intended us to be from the beginning. To be love. To be the innocent lamb that would be sacrificed for all sin. Jesus hated sin also, He was the embodimont of God. He went to the Cross knowing that this was the will of God. He knew that faith in Him and what He was doing would bring us Salvation. He knew that God would from then on only look at the work of the Cross and that alone. No longer would He see our sin, only Jesus.

So, to those that will perish. What will your descision be? Will you continue to ignore the work that was completed on the Cross for you. Will you continue to walk on your own? Remember these are Gods rules and Gods plan. Play by His rules or you might as well not play at all.

Lord, open the fools eyes. Allow them to see what God has given them, what you have given them, on the Cross. Show them the way to be saved through the power of your Father, the power of God.

Actions Speak Louder Than Words.

"Actions must follow what one beleives, else one could not claim to believe it" Dietrich Bonhoeffer 1934. Yes I know, the second Bonhoeffer quote in two days! Sorry but I am starting to like this guy. Yesterday, after I wrote my blog "Stuck In The Middle" I went out, as is my new joy, to my bunker to read. Frank had sent me the book "Bonhoeffer" for my Birthday and I am thoughly enjoying reading about this mans life.

I was feeling , as the post says, stuck between home and Afghanistan. Feeling as if I wanted to be in both places at once. I was not down just torn if that makes sense. At home was everything that I love. In Afghanistan is everything that I have everything God is teaching me. So thoughts of this are running through my mind. I find it amazing everytime that God speaks into my life in a simple way. You see, within a few pages I read the above quote. I actually stopped and paused and read it again. "actions must follow what one believes, else one could not claim to believe it."

Before I left home to come here I was very actively persuing small community, small groups and discipleship along with others from my church. It is where the Pstor was leading us and the Elders were moving towards for the Congregation. My belief is that these are the fundementals of our lives as Christians. We are saved by Faith in Jesus Chrsit but we grow through Discipleship and small group. Congragational Church produces very little, only when we pour into each other on the individual level do we have real results.

Here this is all that I have, small group and small community. Even discipleship everday with Chandel. I am here learning what I have believed before I came here. I am experiencing the ups and down first hand so that I can understand what the actions of my life should be. This is real practice if you will of what I am called to do. Everyday that I am here I see how this fact is being driven into my heart deeper and deeper by God. So thank you God for the message, reinforced later by my wife, that this is exactly where I need to be and what I need to be glorifing God in.

Now back to the quote. Did you think about this like I did? Do we as Christians take what we believe and allow our actions to flow from that? Bonhoeffer said this in a speach in Denmark to Church Leaders from around Europe to rally them against the evil he saw coming with Hitler. The German Chruch was taken over by cronies of Hitlers and Bonheoffer was standing against them. He wanted Christians to act as the believed, act how God told them to act. Bonhoeffer was right then and his words are right now. If you say that you believe something then show that you believe it. Show it even when it hurts. If you don't, then you don't truly believe what you say you do.

I will tell you the truth, my faith waivers sometimes, just like yours probably does. We fall back into sin and struggle, but these words have helped me very simply understand what I should strive to do here, and in my life. Believe and act on behalf of that belief in my life.

Lord, as Bonhoeffer showed me, may I believe and menifest those beliefs into pure actions in my life. May others do the same.

Stuck In The Middle Again.

Today I am dwelling on the fact that I am removed again from my home and Church. Just a little simple thing, the Annual Meeting, has got me thinking about what I am missing back home. It is strange right, who would miss an Annual Meeting? Heck most of the Church doesn't even show up for them and here I am 7,000 miles away thinking about how nice it would have been to participate again this year in it.

I would like to say also, the Church did not send me an Absentee Ballot so I may call for an investigation into the results. No really, I would like to congradlate David, John and Scott and Joe for their new positions within our Church. What fantastic additions God has given us. Be faithful to this calling.

The other thing that came into my mind is that it is difficult for me to watch any of the DVD's of the services that Catherine sends me. For some reason that really ties me into knots. I sit so excitedly waiting to catch glimpses of you all as the camera pans around. I tell Chandel if he is watching who each of you are, my brothers and sisters. "Look there's, Dale and Joy. There is my wife, she always sits there. I am usually next to her." On and on throughout the DVD. If it were a movie they would tell me to shut up. Mostly I do this because I want to be there, with you all.

Satan, stinks! He takes the littlest things and just rubs them in your face. Here take a look at this, see what they are doing without you. See life is just moving along without a thought as to anything else. Shouldn't they miss you also? Yes I do think that way sometimes! See he doesn't have to swing for the fences everytime, like in baseball just consistant base hits to get into scoring position. (Wow, a sports reference). Anyway, sometimes it is the little things that are the most annoying.

So with all this thinking about the little things it just helps pull me away from here, Afghanistan, where God needs me to be. I am stuck, somedays, somewhere right in the middle, like today, not here and not there. Limbo if you will. Perfect place for Satan to have me if I remain there for very long. Wallowing along in the woe is me state.

Don't get me wrong, it is not like it used to be where I was just in misery. See I am becoming better at trusting the Lord. Satan may still be there but I don't fall as far as I used to. In these instances my Armor has become stronger through practice and experience. I now know better than to think it is something that I am doing. I know better than to think that I am guilty of something. I know that this is my enemy and to defeat him I only need to look to the Lord.

You can pray for me. Thatis always good. But you can also take a lesson from this. there are going to be these little times when things just needle at you. You can dwell on them or you can dwell in the Lord. The choice is always yours. I would suggest the later it always will work out best.

Lord, thanks for hanging out and waiting for me while I worked this one out. We can go on about our business today together.

PS- This quote is hanging on my mind in light of the Annual Elections at my Church last night. "To delay or fail to make decisions may be more sinful than to make wrong decisions out of faith and love..." Detriech Bonhoeffer in a letter to Henery Louis Henriod, Germany 1934.

I Never Have A Real God...

"I never have a real God until I come face to face with him in Jesus Christ." (Utmost For His Highest, Chambers, Nov. 17)

Just sit and think about this. Is this not truth? Without Jesus Christ we have no example of God in our lives. Without Jesus Christ we have only our own perception of God. Only our minds eye of Him and nothing else.

Scripture reveals to us who God is, what He likes and dislikes, what He wants us to be and what we are. The Bible is the progressive revelation of God to man. From the beginning of time through the future end times God is revealing himself to us. We only get a picture of Him through His word.

I grew up as a Catholic, well at least until my first communion. From that point on I think our attendance at Church declined until maybe Seventh grade or so when it pretty much stopped. I know that here and there I would go to Mass and feel good but on a day to day basis God didn't matter much.

As I went through my really intelligent years, called "Teenage", I had God all figured out. My best line was that God didn't care how you believed in Him as long as you believed in Him. That He primarily wanted people to be good and treat others well and that was enough to get you into heaven. Heck by my own standards I was on my way to being an Angel. Isn't that the case for most of us? We come up with our own standard for what good is and general the bench mark is just below the level where we stand.

So my life went on like this, creating my standard of goodness and applying my philosphies to who God was. With this, and through all of my young experience as a Catholic do you think that I ever once opened the Bible to read more than a few lines? Probably like most people, the answer is no. How many times have you read the Bible? Anyway, so withouit, any information on who God was, I made Him what I wanted Him to be. He fit perfectly into my life style.

For those of you who did not know me into my adult life a brief Testimony. I started off as an avergae guy. People liked me. I had a few good friends. Lots of other friends. I could be pretty helpful to those that asked for a hand. A good sense of loyalty to those that were close to me. All the good things a guy should be. Catherine and I got married and we were pretty happy as we moved along in our lives. When I got angery howevr look out! Violent tempor. I could get to the point where I really didn't care about anything or anyone else. Pornography and alcohol, all the things that the average guy would go through, right? Eventually I became and angery functioning alcoholic that and very destructive to the things around me.

As far as God was concerned I allowed Catherine to raise the kids as she saw fit. I would not discuss with them any of my views until they were older. This was well and good but for Catherine, every opportunity to diswade her from her faith I would try. The etrnal protagonist you might say. Still sound like a good man? Of course as it was my standard of goodness.

So as my life spiraled out of control and my drinking got worse my anger got worse. Still on the outside most people would have said that I was still a good man. That I fit the steriotypical guy, not to bad, certainly not a murderer or anything. In my mind for the most part I was alright.

Four years ago December 15th, just how good I was finally came spilling out. Eventually it will catch up to all of us good guys somehow. The last drinks I ever had were that evening and that evening was the start the rest of my life. On February 4th of that year, while sitting in my car at my therepists office, waiting for him to arrive, I met the Lord Jesus Christ. All of the events to that point led up to this. The people that spoke into my life, the circumstance of each day all brought me to acceptance Jesus Christ sitting alone in my car.

On that day, all of my ideas of who God was, what God was and what He wanted for me changed. I no longer thought that what I was doing and who I was was good. I certainly found out that it wasn't good enough for God. On that day I began to see God in the face of Jesus Christ. In Jesus Christ I have found what God is, what He wants us to be, who He wants me to be. In Jesus Christ I have found all of the areas of where I was totally mistaken about God. In Jesus Christ I found how to have the life that I am supposed to have.

God reveals Himself in the person of Jesus Christ. He sent Jesus to us 2000 yesra ago so that we would have the perfect example of all the things that He gave to us in His Word before then. So that all of the history that is written, that God ochestrated so that we knew Him could be seen alive and walking with us. We didn't understand Him any oter way. We went often to our own understanding of Him and therefore He made it easier for us. He is our perfect example in a perfect way.

Until I saw the face of Jesus I never had a real God, I only had the one that fit.

Stop making God what you want Him to be. Stop fooloing yourself or others into thinking that God is something that He is not, that you are something that you are not. I will gaurentee that not everone has a bad life, or is a bad person full of sin, but I will also gaurentee you that every person that does not know Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior does not know God.

Lord, come face to face with all tha read this today. Let them see, if only for a brief second what they are now and what they can be if they know you. Bring them to know God through you Lord. Give them the freedom from their "goodness" and bring them into your Greatness. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

No Commandment Greater Than These!

Jesus is in His final week of life. He knows this. He has predicted it several times at this point and He walks moves in Obediance to the place City where this will happen. He presents Himself to those that will eventually kill Him as He rides in on a donkey. This is the time when His misistry will end and His sacrifice begins.

He spends this week being confronted by those that despise them, He stands for those that love Him. Each day brings Him closer to the the cross yet He still teaches. He still brings the message of Hope to those that will listen. In the Temple He is asked by the Teachers of the Law which is the greatest of the commandments of God. "Of all the Commandments which one is the most important?" They asked. "The most important one, is this: Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these."

Now Jesus is going to go to the Cross in a few days. He does not have much time left. Like the great commission which is still to be spoken, these words are important. Even if you don't believe Jesus as your Lord and Savior I would like you to ponder these words. "Love your neighbor as yourself." How do you love yourself? Is that indicative of how you love your nieghbor? Do you openly invite them into your life or do you shut them out from it? Do you give to them unconditionally or do you watch as they struggle with their groceries? Do you forgive them when they mess up or do you hold a grudge and ignore them? Chances are that you treat people they way that you feel deep in your heart.

See if you don't feel good, if you don't love the person that God made you then you will find it bvery difficult to appropriately love somone else. Your life experience is faulty so therefore the product of that life is faulty. Garbage inside garbage outside in a sense. Even if Jesus is not Lord and Savior to you now, you have to agree with this commandment. You should also find it very easy to believe that this is one of the most important things that we could do in our lives. Treat others in an appropriate and loving way. You know if you do or you don't. You know when you were not acting out of love to another. you also know how it feels when that happens to you.

Here is the rub! Because we are broken from the way God made us it is impossible to treat everyone with love. We are broken and therefore our love for others will be broken. The examples that we find in life also are broken and therefore we learn other broken ways as we grow. We, without help, are doomed to treat each other poorly. So we need an example, and here where you that don't know Jesus as Lord and Savior will start to say "here he goes again."
See, the first commandment that He gives us in His answer to the teachers of the law start us in the right direction.

"Love the Lord your God with all of your heart and with all of your soul with akll of your mind and with all of your strength." If you are going to learn anything it is best to begin this way. Look to God. Look to our creator and see what He wants us to be. I know that many that don't beileve in Jesus Christ will they believ in God, but do you believe Him to be your example in life. Do you believe that He can show you how to Love yourself so you can love others? If you, say you know God, are you willing to allow Him to show you how to Love yourself? Come on, remember what it feels like not to be loved by your nieghbor. Remember what it feels like to treat someone out of anger. Do you want that to continue?

God created you as He wanted you to be. He either allows things or causees things to happen for a reason. He gave you that crooked nose, and the wirey hair. He gave you the parents that you have and the siblings you endured. He brought you through pain and leaves you in it if necessary. He aslo gave you the joys and the blessings. He has given you the gifts of leadershipor teaching. He allows you to drive a golf ball 278 yards and go home to your beutiful wife and family. He created the world and the stars and the heavens and all things on this earth. Remeber now, you say you believe in God. He created you.

God also gave us an example of His Word, it was Jesus Christ. Some of you may not have read that far into your Bibles yet but Jesus Christ is the Word made flesh. He was the embodiment of who and what God is and what He wanted us to be. Remeber, we were created in His image also. So He gave us a mentor and teacher, a raod map to follow. He gave as His only begotten Son, so that whoever believes in Him shall be saved. Because there is no more perfect example of Love on this earth then Jesus Christ, who represents Gods Love for us. He should be our example.

We therefore can set in our hearts, as failed as they can be, that Jesus Christ is Lord and savior. We trust that in our soul, in our minds and with all our strength and then we begin to change. We change not from our own power, but now from the power of God, of our example Jesus and if you accept Him through the power of the Holy Spirit. The thing that is most important, to love ourselves so we can loves others begins to happen as we see Gods majesty inside of ourselves. As we change we understand why we must show this love to others, because He shows it to us. As we change we stop the things that we don't like within ourselves as we begin to know what they are. As we change we are set free from the bondage of the ill thoughts and baggage that we gathered from a lifetime of negative influence and direction. He loves us, so we can love ourselves, and then love others.

There is an opportunity to be set free from who you think you are and become who you really are. There is an opportunity to walk day to day loving others like you know you want to be loved. That opportunity lies in Loving God, more than you think you do now, in following His commands and by allowing Jesus Christ to be your Lord and Savior.

If you have those deep pits in your sould that drive you to anger. If you look in the mirror and wonder why you are the way you are. If you have been hurt by somone elses failed attempt at love. Then as you sit here ask Jesus Christ to be your Lord and Savior. Ask Him to help change you now, to change your heart, soul and mind to focus on Him and Him alone as God one and only example to us of His Love. Pray that into your life now.

Lord Jesus, Holy Spirit speak to those that only know of you. Speak to those that hurt and can't love. Be with them now in these moments of reflection and set in their hearts the truth, that you are the way. That only through you may they truly come before the father. That you will set the free from thier pain. Lord we know that this important, as these were some of your last words to us, help us all live these two most important commands; to follow you and to love other as ourselves.

Um!

Just don't know what to say today. Things are running pretty well around here. My job is getting a little more active at this point and I am waiting for it to get even busier. My boss and I have also begun to figure each other out which is really helping things out. It is good to have some normalcy, as much as can be expected, in my life. Some days it actually feels like a regular job which is great. It actually helps the time go by faster.

At this point that is all that my mind will give me. I have typed some sentances and taken them away as nothing seems to feel right to me. I will end with saying that I love you all and miss my time with you. Continue to pray for me as I pray for all of you. Lift each other up, in any way that you can as that is what Christian community is about. Love and care.

Lord thank you for this day. Thank you for each day Lord that you and I can walk together. Even if nothing happens, it is yours.

A Few Fish and Some Bread Go A Long Way!

I am going to continue on a theme here a bit. Trying to run out my feelings regarding corporate worship and that of small group and discipleship. I was reading Mark 6:36-44, Jesus feeding the 5000 people along the shores of the lake and I could help but think through this of Abundance and outpouring.

See here was a large crowd, you might even say that they were in a corporate gathering. I can imagine them, as it describes in this chapeter, that these followers of Jesus ran along the shorline trying to keep up with Him as they rowed along in the boat. Five thousand people coming along trying to have a moment with the Messiah so Jesus puts ashore to speak with them. Now the Bible says He was showing compassion for them as they were tired and hungry. Sound s like many of us when we come to the Lord. So he was going to help them out.

The Disciples of course don't understand what is happening. Jesus wants to take care of these people and they want to send them off as they don't have enough supplies to feed them. Know thought what so ever as to having the Messiah standing with you. They haven't learned that He is ok with this type of thing, He has a plan. So what does Jesus do first? He breaks this large crowd up into SMALL GROUPS so he can better manage the situation. Fifties and hundreds, a little large but definately more manageable then 5000 plus.

So then He gathers up his resources. Five fish and a few loaves of bread and, you may have missed this, but twelve generally well equiped Disciples. SMALL GROUP Leaders if you will. The Lord knew what He was doing, He was going to Trust in the Father and send these guys out to take care of the crowd. So a few blessing later, the pre prayer meeting and off they went with their meager baskets to feed the hungry in the name of the Lord. They went out at this point in Faith to what Jesus was telling them.

So what happens? They give evrything that they had to the SMALL GROUPS. Alll of the fish and all of the bread. From group to group they went, sparing nothing. the whole time with Jesus hanging out waiting for the lesson to sink in. The people got fed, all of them, not one was hungry. Now comes the miracle of God in my opinion, there was leftovers and enough for them to have their own meals. I will stress this point, they gave everything that they had to these SMALL GROUPS, the small groups were all filled and there was an abundance left over.

If you are missing the point with all of this I will make it clear. Jesus did not get off the boat and try to Preach to a hungry and tired congregation of people. He first broke them up into small groups and had them sit together, a get to know you if you will. Then He assigned some half equiped but faithful small group leaders to go out to the groups to feed them. Each small group leader gave everything they had to the group, each group sharing what they were given. They did this for each other and they all got filled up. Their hunger was gone and they had taken a rest from their journey.

With all of this out pouring there were leftovers. This is the interaction of the Holy Spirit. Evrybody shared and evrybody got their fill and God did not allow things to run out. So now Jesus steps up and delivers the messgae. He is ready to teach these groups and the Disciples. They are full, they have shared and come together before the preaching and allowed the Spirit to fill their souls.

This is how we are to do Church. We were given a great example and lesson to follow. We are shown here that our small groups where the real filling and rest takes place. That in these small groups, that met before the Service began was the time when the miracle occurred. A little bit of faith poured out to the group will produce an abundance afterwards. Jesus knew this, He knew the order to follow so that the message was appropriately understood and applied. The people got filled and the Disciples Faith was assured.

Small Group and Discipleship works. When we all pour out everything that we have in our small groups each person benefits. We get our fill and our hunger subsides into contenment. We gain rest through the application and wittness that we see in the daily miracles. We then can come to the large gathering, our Sunday service to hear a messgae from the Preacher. We come to Church in the appropriate manner and in the right frame of mind. Not running, hungry and tired but filled with the Spirit and ready to hear about the blessings.

Lord Jesus through Faith in your working allow us to unselfishly pour out to those around us. Let us fully accept the value of our small groups and of our discipleship of others.

Just Another Sunday.

I missed Church last Sunday as I gottoo busy, and had a meeting that I had to go to at the same time with my Boss. Here things don't stop, and the weekend is the same as any other day. It is funny how everyday feels like Tuesday. Not as down as Monday and not quite to the half waypoint of the week to give you anything to look forward to.

Sunday is good because Church is something different in the day. I wish I could say that it was the most important thing but it isn't. Church is a good time and a time to see some of the Soldiers who I don't get to see too much anymore being on the West Side and they on the East. I appreciate coming and being able to sing also, I always cry during worship. But as I am here longer I realize what Frank has said many times before. Sunday is the show.

Yes, Sunday becomes a time of our Christian togetherness. A time for corporate worship and a sermon. But as I see more and more the true work is done in the field. Lives are changed and impacts made in my everyday life, not on Sunday. Come on and be real and ask yourself when the last time you saw anybody be saved on Sunday? When was the last time real change occurred during a Sunday service? It doesn't happen very often. Yes maybe a new insight or a challenge that will motivate you for a while but real change comes in the field.

I am seeing this more and more everyday. Discipleship, small group, small community that is where the people here are impacted. Probably the same for you, those that participate in such things, see it most also. So that is where the focus should be if we are going to impact lives, not in the corporate setting of Church but the personal setting of church.

So Sunday, however nice, is becoming just that. It facilitates a purpose but I don't believe that is anything more than an opportunity for the Church body to congregate and find purpose for the rest of the week. So in me I see a little less of a needful desire to make the church service on Sunday and moving more to the belief that I must have church everday to make a difference.

So ponder this Sunday what you feel. Bring it to the Lord for best results. But for real impact, you should rise everyday and ask the Lord for your opportunities to have church that day. Your opportunity to speak the gospel to one or a few. Your opportunity to change someones life through a day to day process of discipleship and learning.

If you believe thatSunday is the most important day then it only makes sense to make it everyday.

Lord, let us in all things worship and honor you. All ways and all days. Amen

We Are All In This Together

I opened my emails this morning like I usually do while I am waiting for my coffee to brew. I scan through them and then usually get my coffee and begin my devotionals. Today I opened one from my dad regarding having a lock box or not for my valuables in my tent. You see, he had seen the pictures that I posted on Face Book yesterday and noticed that my Care Package boxes were under the shelving and not secured.

My parents along with Catherine have recently sent me several packages some holding Christmas gifts and such for me. The mail is unreliable so you have to send things early. With as little space as we have the only place I could put the boxes is under the bed and under the shelves. In my mind as secure as place as any other. I never thought, in all the time here, about the fact that I had anything valuable and that I should secure it. Not once. Even when I went on R&R I put all of my stuff in the foot locker and zip tied it but only in case I did not return it would be ready to ship home if needed.

I have just mostly figured that whatever I had, if somone needed it that badly that they had to steal it then they could have it. To this point, as far as I can tell, nothing of mine is missing. I guess this also plays into the small community setting and where maybe my mind is focussed, that whatever I have I will share with the others as needed. You actually see it alot, people offering things up to others if somone else doesn't have something. Maybe it is that we all figure we are in the same boat that we don't so much feel our possesions are anything special.

I think when everybody is primarily equal in circumstance then pride and covettness don't factor in as much. Maybe I am wrong but I have heard very little about theft in any camp I have been in. You do see that big things become the issue however. People that want to be in a CHU so badly that it just envelops them as to every descsion on who gets in and who doesn't. Vehicles are also a hot item for this, which department got the new truck and which don't have any. I will even tell you that I have taken a lot of bashing from my Boss that I lone out our truck to other Departments when we don't need it. He hates doing "favors" because people take advantage of the situation.

So back to the issue. I never felt I had anything valuable so therefore I didn't feel that it was necessary to protect it. I never felt that somone else was going to take my things so that I had to keep them safe. I only felt that all of us had little and what little we have should be shared. See, our attitude and perspective is what is important. If I feel that mine is better than yours then I veruy easily may think that you want mine. If that is the case then I must protect what I have. When neither is better, nothing needs protected. Don't get me wrong, I am sure that the gift that my parents have sent will be nice, and I appreciate whatever it is, but how far should that go.

You can draw a lot from this simple subject. Big houses, lots of stuff. Precious items and items of value all stored and locked away from those people on the outside that want it. It is mine and they can't have it so I will just lock it away. Neighborhoods are designed this way, for privacy and some even lock themselves off from the outside with gates and fences. Even in our houses we have the this is mine and that is yours senerio. Humans very readily, even in the Church, distinguish themselves by differences and seperate because of them. We are not immune from the problem.

I have said for a while that the reason the Gospel is spreading so readily in the Third World Countries is because the have Small Community. They are in very similar situations as I am in in my tent. Each village and town has developed on a dependance with each other person there. One grows rice and the other makes baskets, they need each other. The houses are the same and and the conditions are the same, noone better off than the other. So when one member has something like the Word of God to share, then he shares it, and each one benefits as they come together. In some cases they all take the same risks in seeking their Faith in Jesus Christ.

Ultimately, if we all realize that we were placed here by God to honor and glorify Him and that all things are given to us by Him then our perspec tive starts to come to the right point. If we go further and realize that we are to Love our neighbor as ourselves then we begin to take what God has given us and share it in the correct ways. We realize that love does not want, and therefore we know we don't need to protect our stuff from others. One little step more and then we realize that together we will have more than we would ever have seperate, and that with God at the center of that we are blessed, then we have the essence of the Small Community.

I believe in small community. I wonder how this would ever work in America, how we could even get it to work in our Church. But I will tell you that it is a better place for us to be, as Christians and people. To be free of the burdon of having to worry about my stuff is tremendous. To know that I can accept my neighbor as myself and share everything with them including the Gospel in heavenly! This realization is a blessing.

So here is the challenge, to think of how you can create more of a Small Community around yourself. What things can you change to begin to develop what Jesus and the Apostles taught us, to be in the perspective of Godliness. You have to start somewhere so don't look at your nieghbor or spouse, start with yourself. Invite others to share your life with you and your family. Open your house for someone in need, heck, open it for a small group once a week. The point is to get past the fact that you think that you have anything better, nicer or bigger that is so important that you can't share it in some fashion with others. Give everything that you can, pour in as much as you can to those around you, in every moment that you can.

Lord, open our hearts and remove the fear of living with others. Remove the things that cause us to seperate and hide. Remove the pride that we have for the things that we have, the position or place. Let us just focus on the fact that this is all yours, and that you may do with it what you will. that we are only to love our nieghbors as you love us.

"Excerscise, Excerscise, Exerscise!"

So yesterday I wrot about the Base Security stuff that I have been involved in here at the FOB, still cool stuff. Anyway today the Military ran an Excercise to test the plan and see where we need to improve. This is not as cool as the table top as most of the time you are standing in the bunkers waiting for the "All Clear"

The Excersise went smoothly, all of my people are accounted for, which is a good thing. I have five sections and seventy people under me. Under the proceedures I have a half hour to report one hundred percent accountability of all persons. This becomes the more difficult part and would be exsaserbated during off hours. It is however the most important part of the drill. It does become like hurding cats if people don't do what they are supposed to do.

All went well, thankfully, for the most part. I do have a list of difficencies, or potential improvements if you like, that came from this excercise. These will become the training points for my department. Very repetively we will discuss what needs to happen. Over several days we will repeat it until the people just know what to do. The point to be made through this to them is that if they don't do what they are supposed to then they will be in real danger. Things must happen in a specific way no matter what.

It is amazing to me though how calously some people take this stuff. You can go over things several times and they still treat it as if it is a joke. They still do what ever they want to do regardless of the fact that this stuff could save their lives. I guess in the BIG sceme of things that is indicative of human beings anyway. God tells us not to eat the fruit of the tree and what do we do? God gives us commands to follow and what do we do? He sends His One and only Son and asks us have faith in Him and what do we do?

God tells man how to save themselves, just like the Military does here and the are always those who just go off and do what they want to do anyway. What does it, what will it take for us to realize the way to survival? Here it is to duck and cover and then move to the nearest cover. After that point if you move you are a target. Jesus gives us similar, believe in me. Rest in my truth. Don't venture out alone or you will become a target, you will die. Without Jesus Christ you will die.

As with my people here I must stress the importance of getting this right. I must assure that I correct the instances of failure so that my people do not die. I am acountable for 100% of them 100% of the time and therefore a small failure means someone has died. I don't want that on my conscience. I take my responsibility seriously! So if you have not accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior you will die. I will run this excerscise over and over again until we we get it right. I am 100% responsible for that message.

Cool Stuff!

Cool stuff. I because of the Bus Operation I oversee, have been involved in some meetings regarding the development of a Base Security Plan. Not any major role or anything but still in the room. This is Military stuff at its best. All of the key guys in the room from all of the countries and brnches of the service. American Army, Air Force and Marines, Italians, Slovanians and British. I'll say it again, cool!

So you can imagine, here I am getting to play soldier. Hearing new acronyms that I have never heard before and all sorts of tactic kind of things. By the way, the don't ever explain the acronym, they just throw them out and keep moving. I guess you are expected to know them. So half the time I am running through words in my head trying to figure out what they are talking about. UVBE, VBE, IED, ECP, QRT and on and on and on! Fun stuff though.

Anyway, I was pumped up, am pumped up by this. Again, an experience that I would have never been involved in in my life and here I am, doing it. God is good, and I guess full of surprises. I gave up on thinking I would be a soldier back in High School and I never thought I would be in the middle of Afghanistan with as many opportunities to wittness about Jesus Christ.

So with that, know that we work for a Big God and itf you trust in Him the sky, no pun intended, is the limit. Let Him surprise you today. Let Him work you into places that you just never thought possible. Have fun and glorify Him in all that you do. Praise God.

Have a great day.

The Day.

Yesterdays post abruptly ended. As Catherine said it was like a cliff hanger and left her wondering what the rest was to be. As I looked at the post in the afternoon I also looked and wondered what the rest was to be. I could not remember how the rest of it were to go. So I guess at this point then, I will leave it as it is.

For the most part when I write I just sit with a general idea in my mind, or a story of an event and write it out in one sitting. I attempt to just let the words flow and tend not to tinker with it too much after I write it. I may go back and correct the multiple spelling mistakes, if I catch them, or tweek a word or two. For the most part however I just let it be as it should be.

On days like today I sit and write without any idea what I am going to write. I have done this in the past several times before. There are just some days when the Spirit is not moving me in any paticular direction. Or like today when, the days events from yesterday were not to eventful and there is nothing to "report" if you know what I mean.

We did recieve a Linde yesterday. This is a machine that can lift up to 45 ton shipping containers and move them around the yard with ease. It has come here in peices and the body arrived yesterday. This was some excitment as I had to get it unloaded from the trailer it came on. For a little while there I was actually busy as many things happened all at once. Anyway, we ended up driving the machine off of the truck which was a little nerve racking as the tires were only half on the flat bed so one worng turn by the operator nd off it would have tumbled.

Excitement over the day became primarily uneventful. See, for the most part it is all routine which after a while adds to the boredom if you will. I think because there is so much time that we work, and we work everyday, that you just don't have much to do. Once things here are set up and working correctly devations don't happen. You don't have to find new work or clients etc. Everything just moves along the same everday.

I do enjoy working with the soldiers occasionally. Once a day I go to a meeting to schedule equipment for the next day. That is a place that I tend to meet a lot of new people. This is nice because then I have more opportunities when I am out to have conversations with Soldiers and then there are opportunities to show Christ to them. Relationships are the key!

One Soldier I have met a few times at the meetings, a Chief Warrant Officer, is also a Christian. He is also very active here for the Lord and does a Sunday Sermon at the LAMS A for a dozen Soldiers who can't make it to Chapel. I had heard this once at the meeting and yesterday, just inside the front gate, I saw him and was able to speak with him a bit about it. He is from the midwest and has been doing Discipleship and such for his church for a while. This year he will retire from the Army and do it even more.

I also saw the Muslim interpreter that kept hanging around with Justin and I the other day while I attempted to speak with him reagrding his faith. Again, by the front gate, he strolled up to me and began to talk. Not about anything in paticular just a casual conversation. He is really attempting to get a better job as an interpreter so I think that is part of the reason why he is so talkative. Most of these interpreters take a big risk with their jobs. The potential rewards however are that sometimes they are able to get Visa's after a few years for the US through their contacts in the Military. Usually this is near impossible.

I got in bed early last night, eight o'clock. I needed it. Monday evenings are my tough nights as we have prayer until 1030 or so and then I get up again at 0300 to call my Accountability Group. Oh, good news. The Military has put our Monday and Thursday Prayer meeting on the Published schedule. "We're somebody now, ma!" Anyone know where that reference came from? Becasue of getting in bed early I only sat with Chandel for a minute for prayer. Afterwards I questioned if I should have spent more time with him or not. Funny how things convict me.

Some days are just days. Nothing very different any any of them. Here that is kinda the norm, things run along the same way and then every once in a while a bump or something. I guess that is how the Military is designed to function and how therefore we all function here. Just keep moving along day by day.

Be blessed and have a good day.

Leave The Rest to Him

Chandel again last night asked about my leaving him when my contract is up. He wanted to know why I had to go and if I could just stay instead. No Chandel I can not stay. I will return to my Church and my home in June. How certain I sound of the outcome of all of this.

It is funny in a sense how I tell my self that but yet I preach Gods will to this man and others often. The Gospel tells us that we accept the control that God already has in everything and trust Him with our lives. Now I sit and ponder my response to Chandel. Do I really know that I will leave? If I do leave how do I know that God will place me back at my home, with my Church? If I truly place myself in His hands then I could end anywhere, even here. Wow, what a thought!

So do I trust Him or not? Am I making my own assumptions about my future or do I have control over where and when I leave and where I go? See I believe that God allows us to decide. We have free will in our lives however we must Glorify Him in all that we do so that we remain in His will. So stay or go as long as I am Glorifing Him Then I will continue to see the blessings He has in store for me.

So with all the questions in my mind I continue to believe that I will return home. My answer to Chandels question was recieved with a simple "why"? Why would I need to return to my home and church. I explained that when I left I left others that were similar to him. Men that I was close to and who I poured into as I was each night with him. I explained that I had left them, and that I had every intention to return to them at the end of the year. Also that this would allow me next year to work on my school and finish a large part of it.

His response was simple and heart felt. "Sir, I love and respect you. When you leave things will be tough for me."

I am so sorry to all of you but something has happened in the publishing of this post! Catherine pointed out that it was incomplete and in looking at it it must not have saved correctly. I guess I will leave it as a cliff hanger for now until tomorrow.

Have a blessed day.

Enoch and Adam

Wouldn't it be so nice to be able to have continual fellowship with the Lord? How great would it be to walk all day, everyday in His company and regardless of the external things, we would have the Spirit just beeming from our hearts. Joyous, celebritory, loving fellowship with the Lord.

Unfortunately I have not gained that yet. I have not allowed my trust in the Lord to overtake every part of my mind, body and soul and therefore I spend time walking in the world with the perception that I am alone. I wonder away with my thoughts to things that my mind should not think about or I place in my heart fear of man. Other times I just dwell on the circumstances that I am in and fixate on the fact that "I don't want to be here" when in reality this is where there Lord has me now.

Enoch walked with God, so did Adam for a while. One man found and stayed on the right path and the other didn't. Oh how I can't stand being like Adam! How about you? Here we see example after example of the Lords glory in our lives and in the Bible but yet we, like Adam decide to step of the path and follow our own trail at times. "Hey God, I know that I just saw you work a tremendous miracle in my life, but I think I will venture off a bit and see what is on the other side of the fence." How this must just frustrate God.

I see a young Muslim man on Saturday night come and sit with us in prayer and fellowship and then the next day I allow myself to focus on worldly things. The funniest part of it is that I know that it is happening and I just don't ever really get away from it. I go through the hole day asking God to be with me but almost only asking out of obligation and not out of Faith. Like I don't really want the bad stuff to end.

This today is weighing on me. Obviously, huh? I had a boss one time describe to me that I created my own turmoil. That I, because of my personality, liked to be under pressure so I caused my own things to have that pressure in my life. I wonder if that is what I do with my walk with the Lord? Isn't that a terrible thought. That I would purposely or knowingly move away just to have the experience of coming back. Nice what the mind will cause you to think about.

Do we see this similarly with the Disciples. They stand and watch a blind man healed and in the next breath question the Lord about who he is. Wow. They couldn't even do it for a few minutes sometimes so what should I expect from myself? So God gave us more examples of how what he see's in us in these Disciples. The lesson being that we will, I guess, move in and out of this walk with God.

Have Faith, Michael. Be strong. Trust in the Lord and He will see you through. Give it all to God and His Glory will shine through. All of this is so true but because human are failed and because we live in this broken world, we will suffer simple things sometimes. We will have days when our minds just don't let us move to Him. We will have circumstances that hamper our devotions or raise our emotions. We will have days when we just can't get ourselves into the Fellowship that He offers. It stinks! But the good news is that I know He is still there waiting for me.

One day I hope to be as Enoch. One day I will just vanish as the weight of this world is lifted from me as my heart becomes completely devoted and focussed on the Lord Jesus Christ. Oh what a day would be like to see nothing but Him standing before me.

Lord, smack me please! Cause me to look directly into your eyes and see your goodness, your righteousness. Let me see only the Hope that you offer and not the despair of my worldy desires and thoughts. Let me, sooner rather than later, be as Enoch and walk with you. Let me be released of this pain of this temporary hell caused by my careless seperation from you. Let me love you.

Small Community Becomes Bigger.

Small community, small community, small community! I continue to see the power in coming together as believers, in the name of Jesus, and lifting each other up. There is also power in the wittness of that the fellowship of believers that those around see.

During our move into our temporary tent some changes occurred. We had two trents move at one time. With this, some of the Expats decided to take up in one tent and put the Foriegn Nationals into the other tent. With this Roberto and I now share a common space instead of Joel and Charles, a Kenyan man now is in the tent with us. Chandel remained across from me so that we could fellowship in the evenings.

The last few nights, with the disruptions, Chandel and I have been unable to sit and do our Bible study togather. Last night I was in the tent for about an hour before Chandel came in. I have been reading "Bonhoeffer" and had it set in my mind that I would get in bed at eight. Saturday is one of the evenings that I have free so bed is always a good option on those occassions. Anyway, At right about eight, Chandel came in, "Hello Sir! Give me a couple of minutes and I will be back so we can sit together. We have not done so in two days." He grabbed his towel and went for a shower.

Well my plans have changed I guess, so I continued to read waiting for him. Just after one of the Indian men that is also in our tent came by looking for Chandel. I mentioned that he was in the shower and should be back in a little while and he walked back up to his bunk. Just a few minutes later, Charles came to my bed, "Maan uf Gaad, I will git my Bible and come set wit you". Charles has in the past been to prayer with us and is another Christian brother. so off he went and returned with Bible in hand.

I told him that Chandel would join us. That everynight we sit together and fellowship together. We were just two but now we would be three. As chandel returned I expressed that we were now three men. That our study was growing and that this was a blessing for us all. He, as he does, just slightly nodded his head, expressionless.

So Matthew 8, we all truned there to begin. As we did so the other man, Chandels friend, came to us and asked to sit. He did so on the end of the bed and I asked him if he had a Bible. He responded that he only had a Koran, no Bible. Politely I stated that that was ok and that if he would like to join us he could for our fellowship. He smiled, and stayed.

Now realize that inside I start freaking out again. I know that I should get used to this by now but I am not. This changes the dynamic of the evening and now I have to be conscious of the manner in which I teach and talk. As I have expressed in earlier Blogs, Muslims culturally don't understand some of the concepts of the Bible. this doesn't change our message, only the way that you state it. So after a brief prayer in my head, off I go.

We start with prayer, which Charles leads. Kenyans love to hold hands when they pray so we all join together as Charles prays softly. I always like the prayers of my Kenyan brothers, it is different than how I pray and what I am used to. It has a rythm to it. He ends with "In Jesus' name I pray, amen". Amen!

We studied only a few of the verses. I usually read the word and then verse by verse give commentary, as best I can to its meaning and significance to us as believers. I also have to fill in the questions that come from Chandel generally not knowing the backround of the information. In this instance, with the new audience, I was trying also to give meaning as our Muslim guest would undrstand. For instance, "Victory over sin" rather than "Paying for sin" things such as this. I was also nervous like I said before which didn't help.

As we went on I opened the discussion a bit to the others. Chandel has few words and tends to very easily summarize the information back into a few sentences. Chandel asked a question about evil spirits and their exisistance in our lives. Charles from this spoke about Adam and Eve and sin and what that means in the world today. The conversation as good and our friend sat and listened intently. We went to prayer then as it was just after 21:00 an it was time for bed.

As we got up the Muslim man asked me, "Sir, do you have a book about Jesus that I could read? I do not have one and I would like one." Yes, um, I do. Hold on, yes." I was now searching through my stack of books for the Book of John that I have. At first I could not remember where it was as the move had caused me to pack things up. I know I don't have much stuff, how could I lose a book. After a few minutes I was able to find it and walked it up to his bed with a New Believers pocket Bible. I sat for a minute and explained which to read to know Jesus better.

Praise God. Here I was nervous about what I was saying and how the content of the discussion would be recieved by our new friend, and everything was fine. He had in some way connected to the fellowship and wanted to know more. The Spirit had moved in some way last night and this man now wanted to know Jesus better. I say again, Praise God.

This has to be the third time where somebody from the tent has sat with me and other believers during our prayer and fellowship and then asked about or began to seek Jesus Christ. In all cases all that we did was invite the individual to sit with at this time of fellowship. The rest is then in the hands of the Holy Spirit.

It is excilirating to see this happen. It is an absolute thrill to see the happening in front of your own eyes. You must believe that you can be used by God when these opportunities present themselves to you. You must be ready to invite your neighbors and friends to your home for your small groups. You must create times for others to see your fellowship. Small community works. Try it! Let your small community become bigger.

Lord, let us use our lives as wittness to you to those around us who are seeking. Let our lives be used by you to reach these people. Let us not think of our own fears but be assured in your power to see us through. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.