I don't think I am tired so this is not anything to do with my mind playing tricks on me. I really am wondering why I am doing this. Why I am here trying to swim in a pool that I shouldn't be in. Maybe this is an attack from Satan, because I derive all of my pleasure here from working for the Lord. But the work lately is giving me nothing to look forward to.
This jobs rewards on a grand level are great. I work with the finest Military in the world. Help them every day succeed in their Mission. Meet people I would never have met in my life. But the job on a small level has nothing appealing for me. There is nothing ever with the job that brings any satisfaction to my mind or heart.
On a Spirtual level, wow, this job offers so many benefits. I daily look forward to the opportunities to work for the Lord. To be with my Brothers and to wittness to the unreached. I have been blessed being here and forever the memories of this Mission will be with me. I am so thankful to Him who has given me so much.
Oh, but the world! How the darkness hates the Light. How I am forever looked at in a way that is different than others. My actions scrutinized more closely than others and work questioned more frequently. It is very apperent to me that I will suffer for the Lord but in ways that become very trining on me. I, in my opinion, am not a bad Manager, here I am gasping for air in my work. So many things working against themselves. So many things acting independantly with no way to rain them in. When you try, you fight for it. When you ask for partnership or structure you get disagreement. I just can't get myself around it all and I don't see a way through it.
Either I am really just here to wittness to the Lord or I am really not good at adapting myself in my job to what needs to be done. Maybe you all could offer your suggestions in comment but I am starting to question if I am just merely called to serve the Lord only, no matter what. As soon as I try to serve two Masters I am running into problems. Is this my wake up call or is this my calling. I believe that I must try to Glorify God in everything that I do, no matter what, and that is Gods Will. If I am not doing that then I am outside of Gods Will for my life. I am having more and more difficulty Glorifing Him as I try to be better at my job here.
I am sure these are normal struggles for people. These are the same questions I began to ask myself last year before I left my last job. There it was the draw to do the Lords work. There I felt the pull away from what I had done for years. But there the work was easy because I was practiced. Here I am not and my work is a problem but yet I am learning so much from Him.
I will pray for this situation and I ask that you do the same. I will continue to work and work through this as it is ultimately in Gods hands the outcome of it all. I hope also in the Lord that He will continue to allow me to see the Blessings He has in store in both instances. That all to His plan that I learn from both.
Wow, what silly ramblings, but these are the ramblings of all of our lives, in some way and some form each of us goes through this I would imagine.
Lord, see me through, in your way and in your time.
First time in Afghanistan as a civilian contractor under a one year contract. I have been brought here by God and intend to speak the Gospel of Christ however I can.
It seems to me that if you're going through the same struggles as with your last company, there is probably something you need to learn. I will pray with you/for you on this. XOXO
ReplyDeleteMike I don't know the issue but sounds like a sit down time with the boss or his boss.
ReplyDeleteHi Mike. It seems obvious you feel called by God to be there and you really enjoy being able to spread the Good News and Deciple others. I don't know what the problem is with your work, but you only have 9 months left on your contract. Perhaps for this period, your work does not need to fulfill you. Perhaps it will be enough to just do your best and give it all to God. Perhaps you can get all your fulfillment from your work for our Lord.
ReplyDeleteJohn,
ReplyDeleteYou are very right and that is the way I will have to work through this. It is difficult, as are alot of things in our lives, to not dwell on the issues. Like I said, if it weren't for the Joy in serving, the Lord and the Military this would get old fast. I also see it as a trial to strengthen me as this is what the world has to offer us all in or daily work, there probably should not be any more of an expectation than this. However, working for Him, has all the hope for us, the Bible shows us our rewards and we are asked to be patient, and to toil, until His return. It will be alright, just a big pain in the cuboose!
Thanks John
Brother, I Agree with The Points Above.
ReplyDeleteIt is Written & More So, I Have Found Myself Challenged by the opposition, the more I am of an opposing walk, path or view. ie. when i wound hang out with a group who are nasty, and I was Not Nasty, I was attacked more and more until I would leave. They obviously become self conscious of them selves by my presence in contrast. So, I do not any more hang around with people of greatly different 'standings' than myself. I personally have had a few tempting offers to apply for jobs supporting our War efforts. I Absolutely, will never ever put myself into a position in which i am supporting this effort.
Jesus walked his walk. He did not lower himself into the mud to try and talk others into getting out of the mud. He would have only gotten muddy and looked the fool. One allows others to chose on their own, if they wish to join Jesus in His Walk. One must decide, playing in the mud is no longer what they wish to do.
Blessings,;-))
Thanks all for your comments. I appreciate all of them.
ReplyDelete