Prayers and Blessings

I want to first start of by asking for prayers from all of you for the Safety and Security of the Camp. I have been told that there is an increase in the number of Taliban moving into this area and that the Military is very heavily considering upgrading the Civilian security measures. I will say that this Camp seems to have an anointing on it as any Rockets that have been shot into Camp have not damaged or injured anyone or anything. Thay seem to all fall in mpty areas or are duds.

It is funny how after time you begin to live as if you are in your own little space here. You see the outside world but don't think much about it in a negative sense. Even know that rockets are being shot into the Camp does not create so much of an adverse reaction as you think it might. You expect that it will happen and just don't worry about it so much.

I would also like prayers for this Camp because yesterday, Halloween, a group of soldiers that are "Wickens" had prayer at sundown. I would like you to keep them in prayer and pray to counter whatever it was that they prayed for as it was in the name of evil.

Much to the credit of the Chaplins Assistant Phil, he called us to meet for prayer to counteract whatever eveil the "Wickens" may have called opon. Yes the US Military does allow all to worship whatever they may see fit as long as it is done "appropriately" in their eyes. Four of us came together in prayer last night for this but I feel that more is needed from you all to help counter act this evil.

Break>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

This morning, all that was on my mind was that I was feeling off from the two topics above plus my mind was thinking a little of my wife and family. I believe that that is natural considering talk of increased Taliban activity. I kept praying for break through of this so that my heart would move into Faith and Trust in Him.

We had am meeting this morning regarding our impending move to the East Side before too long and the logistics of that for all of us. I actually wrote the first part of this before 07:00 and now I am writing this part at 09:00. I have also been dealing with another employee issue that popped up regarding a threat of death to one of my employees by two other of my employees. Not fun at all and definately issues very much of this world.

I say again, as I said yesterday, that we are always given stumbling blocks before blessings and today this is apperently what was happening. As I walked back into my office, after the meeting, a soldier was sitting in my chair speaking with the MHE Foremen. I had met this soldier the other day at the afternoon Truck Masters meeting and had engauged in a conversation that included me telling him that I was getting my Masters in Biblical Studies. At the time he had briefly acknowledged it and we moved on.

Today, he was here to wait for one of my forklifts to arrive at his job site and since he had extra time he figured he would come and talk. Since he had been sitting at my desk he noticed my Bible and other books and asked if they were apart of my Masters studies. From that he started to speak of a book that he had read that he wanted to bring me. It is about a guy who spends a year following the Bible. He thought I would like this.

We had a little conversation about the book and then e moved into questions about Faith and where his faith was. He was brought up Catholic and really thought that God accepted all faiths as long as you were a good person. This is a familiar theme. His statement lead to about a fifteen minute discussion on our faith, Jesus and His love for us and God being a just God and what His justice intailed. All in all it went well and I was able to contect a bit with Him.

As we spoke I gave him a small challenge of sorts, I asked him when he had a chance to read John 3:16. WHen he reads it I told him to replce all the places that say world with his own name. That not only di God love the world so much but that he also loved him so much that He gave Jesus to save him from his sin.

I expressed to him, in the end, that God always gives us opportunities that can lead to blessings. That today I was walking in a little funk and that my mind was wondering why I was here. I told him that he had become an opportunity for me to share the Gospel with Him. That it was a confimation to me as to the purpose in which we were all called by Jesus. That it was a blessing to me to share Jesus' love for Him and and to speak to him for the past few minutes. I expressed to him that because of those moments I understood why the Lord had me here today.

I spared you some of the details of the conversation. I will say that it was very nice and pleasing to share with Him. I am thankful for the Lords plan and for confirmation as to all of our callings. To go and make disciples of the world. I believe this man is seaking in his heart, that he is wrestling with God about his faith because of what he told me. I hope that I have been faithful to the Spirit and planted a seed for the future.

Pray for all of these things. For this soldier and his heart, that he may experience the love of Jesus Christ and accept it in his heart. For the Wickens who worship demons and evil, that they may be saved. That they may see that they only help facilitate their own deaths because they pray to satan wjho wants nothing good for them. Pray for the safety and security, for Gods will, over this camp and those within it.

The Blessings

Everyday I am more and more blessed by my time with Chandel. When I returned from R&R it seemed as if something happened. We had that few days where we were distant from each other. I had allowed my feelings, the fact that I was having struggles returning to Country and lack of sleep play with my mind and cause me to not be as Christ asks me to be. We were able to move past that and now our Discipleship has been fantastic.

See, it is more confirmation that before we move forward for the Lord, Satan attempts to derail us from His plan. We may see the immediate storm thinking that we have to avoid it, or worse yet ignore it and thus turn away from the path that the Lord has put us on. If we weather the storm, ask for forgivness, say we are sorry and step forward in the same direction in Faith then we see what was to be in store for us.

All of a sudden this week, the student has begun to teach a little. I am seeing inspiration and hope in Chandel that I had not seen before. The other night when Hassan came to us,. Chandel stated his confidence in the Gospel. He knows that he is a Christian and is devoted to Jesus Christ regardless of the pressure. I was blessed by knowing that his Faith is steadfast.

He also asked me if there were schools that he could attend just to study the Bible. He had no idea that there were Bible Colleges and Seminary schools. I explained to him about how Pastor Samuel had gone to Seminary School. He wondered if there were any in India also and it seemed as if something was stirring in His heart. I was blessed by knowing that he was thinking about growing in the Lord.

Last night we he asked alot about how other people felt about Jesus. Why the Jewish poeple rejected Him. What they thought about Him now. He even asked about Jerusalem, about the spot where Christ was crucified, where it was. Then he asked me if I knew about the Muslim Mosque that is there and where it is, and why. He began then to explain in detail, the history of the Crusades. HE knew the dates and names, when the battles were and what happened. I sat just listening to him for a while. I was blessed by his knowledge and his teaching. About his inquisitive nature.

At the end of our meeting Chandel expressed that he was really begining to see how the Bible fits together. He reads on his own the Old Testament and together we study the New Testimament. He is being fed and this is producing fresh wisdom. We spoke last night about the covering of sin through blood. How that started after the fall as God covered the nakedness of Adam and Eve as their own attempts were not satisfactory. The spilling of Blood through the entire Bible up to Jesus to attone for sin. He was understanding this, he saw the connection. I am blessed how the Spirit is drawing him closer and how he is gaining wisdom as he fellowships with God.

He asked me in the end of our time, when I will be leaving Afghanistan. I thought at first he meant for my next R&R. He did not. He asked when I was leaving him. (I cry as I write this) I expressed to him that my contract would end in June and I would then return to my Church. My heart sank, I knew why he was asking. He stated "what about me, Sir". His heart was heavy as mine is now. I told him that he needed to trust in God as I had trusted in God when I came here. I also told him that God would keep us together if He wanted, either physically or Spiritually, we had to trust that. I will miss my Brother. I am blessed by this mans friendship and the fact that God has seen fit to bring us together here.

We prayed.

I see Gods hand on this man, Chandel. He is quietly reserved. Almost apears timid at times. Unlike me, he started His walk with Christ as a good man, not a drukard or angry. He is slow to anger and slow, really slow to speak. He is intelligent, and has an internal passion to know God, to know His Word. I believe He will be a powerful enemy to Satan. I believe Satan knows this and will attempt to place roadblock in front of Him in many ways. I believe hhe has tried recently but Chandel will overcome and prevail, I pray that I will also.

Watch for the storms in front of you. Believe that you can pass through them. Like a ship, put bow to the wind and move into the heart of it. The Light will be shining on the other side and we will see the blessings that were hidden by the clouds.

God is with us all. Thank you God.

Opportunity to Show the Narrow Gate

Chandel is becoming stronger and stronger in the Lord everyday. I am amazed at how well he understands and remembers what he is reading in the Bible and places it in His heart like a treasure. I also have confirmation of that as he is under pressure from the Musslim Imam to move from Faith in Christ to the Religion of Islam.

Last night we sat and discussed Matthew 7 together. It would become apperent in a few minutes, God's timing, as the last verse we looked at was Matthew 7:13 -14, "The wide and Narrow Gates". We talked about the difficultly that could be faced following Christ Jesus in our lives. We spoke how the world wants things easy and Chandel referenced gambling and drinking. We saw how Jesus is the only way and the rewards were not here on earth but in heaven to come.

So around 20:15 we looked to wrap up and pray when Hassan and another man came to Chandels bed. If you don't recall, Hassan is the Imam for the men who work here at the camp. Hassan also works for me. He is a very well versed man and in my opinion has as much interest in converting people to Islam as I have in bringing people to Faith in Jesus. He has, since the day he found out that Chandel became a Christian, been trying to convince Chandel that he should not follow Jesus. Chandel tells me that everyday he has discussions with him at their work site.

Hassan realized very quickly that we were having a Bible study and at first tried to excuse himself appologizing for the interuption. I immediately asked him, and Chandel followed, to sit with us and talk for a bit. I knew why he had come but I asked anyway if he needed time with Chandel. He said no but lingered with us so I again asked him to sit with us and I moved to the foot of the bed, pointing to the chair.

Hassan stayed standing, and asked me if I ever read the Koran. I have not, and I answered that I hadn't. He then smiled and said "Oh, you should, I have an english translation that I can give you." I know well enough that as we beileve that faith comes through hearing, so do they. They weigh more heavily on actually hearing the Koran in Arabic. I graciously accepted his offer as I believe that the only way that I will be able to wittness Jesus to this man is by he and I to have ligitimate open discussions of our faith.

Of course, with his offer I asked if he had ever read the Jihil "Gospel" as I placed my hand on my Bible. "Oh, yes. I read it." with a smile. The "Jihil" our Gospel is considered one of the Muslims Holy Books. It is about Jesus, their 24th Prophet. They believe however that Christians over time have distorted the words of Jesus to make a God rather than just a Prophet. To the Muslim there is only one God, Alla and worshiping more than God is the ultimate sin. Therefore we sin because to them we worship more than one God.

So, Hassan, as I would have done if I were him, began to explain the Koran and it's translations. What the copy he was going to give me was and why it was good to read. That it was the "best translation other than the original Arab." Sound like a familiar comment to anybody. Muslims also believe that best version is the Arabic version because anything away from that is flawed in the translation. In his explination he made an interesting comment. He stated that if you look at the words that are spoken in our Gospel you will see under close scrutiny that they can't be the Word of God. "God wouldn't have said those words".

So, here I am praying my rear end off, I know well enough to put these things into God's hands. I asked the Spirit to speak into his heart through my words as we continued on. The conversation at this time did not go very deep. I did reiterate to Hassan that I would love to sit and discuss these things with Him in more detail. At this point I do not want to debate with him becasue that will not gain me anything. I will just simply converses regarding our faith and wait for the opportunities to highlight the differences and why Jesus Christ is the way, the truth and the light.

Hassan left after about twenty minutes and this gave Chandel and I some time again to speak. As I turned to Chandel he was smiling and said "Sir, he is always talking to me about Islam. He is very fanatical!" I told Chandel that Hassan doesn't want him to be Christain, which he agreed. He foloowed up however with "don't worry, he will not change me. I ask him why Muslims are always the ones who cause trouble." Not my words but his. He explaine that Hassan and he are always speaking but that it will not work, he is with Jesus. I'll give the Amen.

At this point I went and brought a book that I had bought before I came back from R&R, "Breaking the Islam Code". Basically, it lays out very practicle ways of speaking with Muslims based on what Muslims that have been saved say was the reasons the converted. I gave this to Chandel and said that maybe we both should be reading it at this point so that we can discuss with Hassan in practicle ways the differences of our faith. Chandel was happy as he loves to read and I think was happier that he would be able to speak with Hassan better.

We talked about how it would a tremendous blessing if Hassans heart were to change. If he were to accept Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior how tremendous that would be her in the Camp. We prayed for this. We prayed that the Lord would work through us and that our words would be His and help soften Hassan's heart.

I have been moving towards an opportunity such as this since I arrived at the Camp. I am nervous in one sense and excited in another as these moments are what makes my time here well worth it all. There is no other purpose for us as Christians than to serve the Lord in our lives in whatever way He calls us.

Please pray for Chandel and I that we may continue be used by Jesus as we stand for Him. Pray that we each have compassion and grace as we demonstrate Jesus' love to Hassan and that Jesus is the Messiah and that He is the only way to the Father. As Matthew 7:13 -14 states, Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it."

Love

All I can think about today is Love.

I love my family, my wife, my daughter and my son. I love them so much that it hurts. It litterly hurts in my chest when I think of them. I am seperated from them physically and that is prison to me. If I wanted to touch them right now there is no possible way to do it. I can not run to them, or step through the doorway and look at my children while they sleep. I can not sit with them as they play games or do homework. My love for them is religated to my words only at this point. How many words can I use? How many words do I know?

I wish I could write all that I feel about them. I long to be able to tell them exactly how much each of them means to me. What my mind does when I think of each of them. I wish I could write each emotion and the corrisponding feelings that stir within me. I just am not skilled enough. I just am not creative enough. It just wouldn't measure up to what is inside me when all I can think about is them.

God wrote it so beutifully, His love. He scripted it out from the begining of time until now. Every aspect of his love for us written so that we can know it. We know Him from what He has given us. We know His pain and His suffering from our seperation from Him. We know His joy from our obediance and acceptance of His Son. He longs to touch us an dbe with us. To look opon us as we sleep. To know us without our sins.

He has also showed us His love for us. He sent Jesus Christ to show us His Word. He sent Jesus to be an example of His love. He sent Jesus to die for us, because He loves us so much. There is no greater love than this, that one should lay down His life for his friend. Jesus died for you because He loves you. He died for Love.

I ache for how much I love my family. I can not write it anymore than that. I hope to be a perfect example of that love for them one day. I hope that my words can be written as perfectly as His words are written. I know that they are not, but I hope that they could.

I love you.

Why Worry?

Chandel and I sat again last night for the first time in a few days to do our Bible Study. Since we spoke the other morning we have prayed together both morning and night but since he has been working hard he has wanted go to bed early.

So last night, when I sat with him he asked if I could, as his friend, listen to something he wanted to speak about and then give him advise. It is weighing on him that he is an educated man, more so then most and that he is here doing physical labor for less pay than others. HE makes under five dollars an hour as a rigger on the crane. Other men here make up to eleven dollars an hour as Document Control Specialists. Basically he wanted to know how to change jobs within the Company.

I explained to him how the process worked and what the company praocedure was that would need to be followed. Alot of it depends on what your Foriegn Service Agreement says you were hired for. It is easier to move in the same clasification then into another. For instance a Truck Driver to a Bus Driver is easier then a Truck Driver to a Document Control Specialist. He would want to do similar to the later example.

He was ligitimately concerned for the money and work that he was doing. As I explained to him however, he had signed his contract and until he realized that others were making more them here. That seems to get everyone as there is no consistancy in the hiring and therefore pay can be greatly different within groups of employees. However, I explained to him my feelings which are that he signed the agreement and at that time he was very happy with his deal. He is partly responsible for it as the employee.

Well, how soon I forget, and I should have thought a little about what I had said. He reminded me that at the time he signed this agreement he was stuck in Dubai with nothing. He had been scammed along with 199 other men into spending $3,000 for jobs in Afghanistan and then just left in Dubai by the agent. He was desperate at the time and took what he could get. If he hadn't he would still be there like some of the other still are. No way out, no way home, no money. Anyway, I saw his point. Desperation will change a man and he was definately in a position of despiration.

So we started our Bible reading where we had ended up last time, Matthew 6:25-34, Do Not Worry. It was an appropriate passage and Chandel recognized it as such as soon as I read through it the first time. He said "Sir, here I am worring about all of this and now we have come to this to study". He had a big smile, for him. See, the Jesus reminds us that we are special to God. He made us above all other creatures. He takes care of the littlest creatures and therefore we should know that he will take care of us. That when we trust in the Lord, and cast our burdons to Him, he will work them out for us.

We spent the entire hour just on this subject. Discussing the difference between worry, concern and fear. It is always interesting to see the contrast in our lives and perspective on things as we are culturally so differnet. During the discussion I had mentioned a Homeless man I had met once while in New York City. When I got to the point of stating that this man lived on the street with his two dogs Chandel stopped me. He said "Sir, there are poor people in America?" Now think of the perspective on this. "Yes, many Chandel". "Sir, I thought that there was no poor people in America. That was what I was told."

Wow. Now either he was really told that nobody was poor in America as if we were all weathly or he was told that there was no poor in America becasue even our poor are weathlier than most in the rest of the world. It seemed that the fact is that from his perspective, our poor are not as poor as the poor that he would know at home. Amazing to think.

His next question was regarding how much a man could expect to make at a basic job in America. Answering $7.50 cents an hour his eyes opened wide. "Really?" Remember, he is doing a job that in America would earn him at least $20.00 and hour for less than $5.00 an hour. "These jobs are available to all people Sir?" I could go on about this for a while but you should already see the point.

At the end of our time we had thoughly discussed or worries in life. From what Chandel is feeling now and why regarding his job to why we should give all of this to God each day. We really in the end, don't not control anything. We must have the faith that God either causes or allows everything to happen and that because of that it will work out the way that He see's that it should.

Our faith as Christians is in the Word of God and the promises that God has made to us. He cares about us more than the birds and the grass. We are made in His image, to fellowship with Him. Ultimately He loved us so much that He gave His one and only Son so that we may live. Becasue of this we should not worry. "For who of you, by worrying, can add one hour to your life" Matthew 6:27.

Trust God. Keep your life in perspective.

Lord, thank you for where you have me now. Thank you that I may see things that I may have never seen before. Continue to teach me through each event in my life. Teach others what you have them learn through their lives.

80's Music Trivia

My buddy Greg is in Camp this week. He is the guy who was in Leatherneck with me back in July helping me set up the New Materials Yard. He is now the Theater MCT Manager and therefore someone who I report to in my position as I oversee MCT here at the FOB. We have always gotten along well and when we are together we really have a good time.

Yesterday, someone mentioned an Annie Lenox song from the 80's and Greg ended up playing it on his LapTop. "Sweet Dreams", I am sure that some of you have heard of it. This started off what ended up being a day of laughing and goofing around in the office playing music trivia. Greg would play a song and we all would try to guess the Name and Title.

Here is some trivia that might be interesting, Foriegner has a new lead singer. The old lead singer has bad hips and does not want to get them fixed so they went out and found a new guy. He is from the Phillipines. They found him on YouTube singing Foriegners songs and went and hired him. Could you imagine the look on his face when they knocked on the door?

Anyway, back to the trivia. I was amazed at how we could get so silly by just playing "Name That Tune". Singing along with the songs or acting out the video as we remember it, it didn't matter because we were having fun.

It felt good just to laugh and play. One guy even made the comment that I hadn't even been drinking. I guess that is a good indication that things were not normal. That is good, becausee this place can be too serious sometimes not to have fun.

This post is not long, and it is not complicated but it is meaningful. I enjoyed yesterday with my friend and with my coworkers. It became a memorable momment for me, the silliness of it all. This is what some of life should be about, just enjoying ourselves with friends.

Maybe sometime it is ok just to be silly. To be child like and get away from the stuffiness of our work. Here it got us away from the outside a bit. This music trivia reminded us of our youth, our lives. Try it.

May God see that you chuckle like a child today, and like it.

Go To Your Brother

Something has been a little off between Chandel and I the last few evenings. We haven't sat together or prayed together like we have and or conversation has been at a minimum. He is a quiet guy anyway, for the most part, so you can imagine when there seems too be something wrong.

This was hard for me to acknowledge first as I have grown close to him and I have had such a wonderful time discipling with him. I took me until last night even to mention it to Catherine, that he and I had not studied for several days. I am sure everyone can relate to the feeling, the one you get when you know a friend has been distant. When you think that something has come between you but you are not quite sure what it is. That is the feeling I had.

If I had to guess, and that is what it is right now, I think he was upset with me because of a few issues regarding his job. The other day I had wrote that I was having troubles with work. Some of them are just an overall frustration with having to go over and over the same ground with the crews everyday. There is such a cultural difference and a difference of attitudes that it can be a big road block sometimes.

See, first the workers have a tremendous respect for anyone in authority. They will not question authority unless specifically asked a question. They, many times will do things contrary to what their superior has instructed because someone else has instructed them differently. The immediate threat always seem to win out. Authority is authority. Secondly, it is hard to get the employees to problem solve. Things seem to be always black and white, this or that. If something is different or changes then there becomes a stand still of sorts. Lets make tea and wait for someone to tell us what to do.

The other day the Crane crew just waited through a mission time that they new about. They made no attempt to call their Supervisor or me when the Escort vehicle didn't show up. Instead they made tea. With this I was upset with them for not doing the basics, the things that we have instructed them over and over again to do. With that, they were mad at me for making the descsion that they would escort the Crane themselves for that Mission and therefore had to walk to the Job site about a half mile away.

This created quiet a stir among them and later that evening Chandel wanted me to move him off the crane back to buses. This after asking us to keep him on the crane a month ago. The problem being that we have already moved two men to the buses besides him and now I have no slot for him. He thought that I could just do it anyway and I could not explain to him that I just couldn't show that kind of favoritism. He had made a descision and he had to remain where he was until I had opportunity to move him.

Anyway, after this all occurred Chandel and I seemed to seperate a bit. Now I can tell you that fifty percent of this is in my heart also. Lots of things worked against me in this and I believe that I contributed to the problem. I had just come back from R&R and my mind was messed up anyway. Leaving family over and over again just isn't healthy. I also get really bothered by the fact that occasionally some of my friends ask me, and expect me, to do things that would be contrary to my resposibility to the company. Lastly think that I have high expectations for what this Discipleship of Chandel means. I think that it is my responsibility and I need to make sure taht it continues daily. These, three things all are lead me to create a gap between Chandel that was equal to the one I felt from him, thus doubly far.

So here we have several issues that have contributed to the fact that we, Chandel and I, have created some distance. We have allowed other issues, each our own (and I speculate of his mind you) to come between us. Simply, life has gotten in the way.

Now all this has sirred me a bit in my soul. What was my motivations? Why was I doing this and reacting the way that I was? What was my issues and why was I staying away from him? Not a big issue but just running through my mind. This, this morning, colminated in my prayer time a petition to the Lord. I wanted to examine my heart and asked for assisstance. The answer came as I prayed.

I walked over and sat with Cahndel. I said hello and sat before him. I then let him know that I wanted to continue to meet with him and study the Bible with him. That I wanted to be able to pray with him and share with him. That I felt that he was my brother and that if he wished to continue as we were before that I would really like it. He just said "Yes Sir" and then I asked if we could pray.

I did not go into a big explination. I did not try to investigate his heart or his point of view. I just went to him and expressed my desire to fellowship with him. I listened to the Spirit in my heart that told me that it was up to the Spirit to guide each of us. That I only needed to be avalable and the Lord would take care of the rest.

I was being selfish in a way and letting daily things get in the way of eternal things. I was the problem because I was not trusting the Lord. I was causing the gap because I did not go to my brother, regardless of where he was at, and make it right on my part. Before we can stand before the altar we must make things right with our brother. The burdon was not on Chandel to come to me, it was for me to go to him. It was not for me to correct him but for me to correct myself. I must be right before the Lord. I must cast my burdons. I must not be prideful or unjust. It is I and my heart that matters most when there is something between me and someone else.

How many times have we seen these types of things the other way. That if there are problems, percieved or not, between you and a friend that we will wait for them to come to us. Why? Is it really our concern? Should we not just humbly return and forgive them. They are in fact as broken as you are. They are probably thinking the same thoughts regarding the situation as you do. They may even ache the same way. But nothing will change if neither does anything.

I urge you not to wait for the other person to act. Don't assume the feelings and thoughts of another. Go before them only representing yourself and do what is right in the eyes of the Lord. Give them the forgivness that God has given you.

What Message

"Children are the living message that will be carried out to the generations you will never meet". What will your message be? This was a quaote used in yesterdays sermon at the Chapel. i am sorry that I missed who said it but I pondered this one for a while. Then I placed it on my Face Book message for the day with the added question, what will your message be?

This kinda cuts into the bone if you are me. Anybody that knows me knows that I struggle with, rightly or not, of what kind of father I was and what that may have ment for my children. I also get caught up on what my legacy will be when I am gone. I never cared of either until I was Saved, almost four years ago. I only ever really cared about myself and be dambed all. Once saved though this is my biggest concern. (I won't say worry). I think it has to do with what I know was my biggest sin.

So you know me so what about you. Maybe stop here and also ponder this statement. What is the message that your children will carry to the generations that follow them about you?

For me now I am working very hard to be a Godly man and an example to my children because I have no better example to be then that which Jesus Christ shows me. I am smart enough now to see that, and Frank reiterates this often in His Discipleship (see Frank Discipleship does work). I won't be perfect, I was very far away from it four years ago, but He is so I hold myself up to His standards. I must now teach my children to look towards Him and hopefully they can see aspects of that in me.

I also want them to know me, who I am from my perspective not just from theirs. This has come from a fabulous journal that my Brother David gave me when I left. "A Fathers Legacy", 365 days of questions regarding my life that I can write the answers to in my own words. This will be a gift to them and to the Generations mentioned above for as long as they can keep the record.

So the living message that my children will carry will ultimately be three fold as I can see it. First, what I have shown them from my life, my words and my actions. S best as I can do it and as often as I can. Secondly, their memories of me. Their perspective of the father that I was, my words, my life. I can not do anything for this other than what I do in the first. Lastly, my writing and journals, things that they can take with them. Tangible items that will reflect me, inside and out.

So ultimately what will that say about me? Was I just a big self absorbed jerk who didn't care about anybody else? Was I a quiet man who just helped others humbly and graciously? Loving father that always had time or always was on the go and didn't show any love? Will they tell the stories of you with enthusiasm or remorse? Will your life be enough for them to inspire others as they speak of it? This list can go forever and only time will tell.

I know the standard as I mentioned before that if I can achieve will answer all of the questions that ever arise in this regard. Jesus Chrsit. If I can continue to be sanctified then I will continue to be a positive reflection of Him and in that be the more perfect example then I am now, and that I was before. Through Christ, I am made perfect so therefore my message that my children will carry out to the generation I will never meet can be that He tried to live as Jesus lived. that from everything they gathered, and saw. From everything they wittnessed and read that I tried to show Jesus in his life. That would be a great message.

What will your message be?

Whoa To "Oh Whoa Is Me"

If I just give it all to Him then I would not have written what I had written yesterday. I would not at all be concerned with the circumstance of my life and of my work as I should be assured that He is in control of everything. My burdons would be so light, even when my labor is difficult in mans eyes, because I trust in the Lord fully. Isn't this so hard for us?

As it so appears then, my circumstances come into play and I allow my trust in the Lord to waiver in a way. It does not get weak in the sense that I don't want Him in my life or trust that he is Lord and Savior but I don't keep Him in the place that He deserves. I begin to give the authority to others, my boss, my coworkers, my subordinates and others. Not where it should be! This is the waivering that I speak of.

It is easy to do. Think of someone cutting you off and you have that frustration that may come out in a verbal explative, followed by your mind thinking all sorts of thoughts about the driver. That is an easy slip how about like me at our work? Things going well "all" the time or occasionally do you feel as if things are just a little out of your control? Out of who's control? You begin to think about the circumstances that are causing the stress, the people or timelines when ultimately the are His to control not ours.

An example also is when I was home and I wrote about the comfort that I felt from being out of Afghanistan. That I saw how easy it was to be comfortable and to not keep the Lord in the place HE deserves in our minds. In a way, unfulfillment at work and comfort at home are in essence these wordly circumstances that are of the world that are at the root cause of our distraction. He is in control always it is us that mis understands His control, either in comfort or in struggle.

Now back to the circumstances that I feel that I am in. Where I just feel that everything that I am doing in my job is just not working out correctly. Has that happened to you, maybe not now but ever? It just is a strange place to be at at, especially when my perspective is focussed on the worldly aspects of it.

So if I change that perspective then it wouldn't be so. If I work to the best of my abilities and skill. Make descisions that I know are right. Engauge people in the correct manner and it still has the same outcome but I am focussed on the Lord, then I know that it is how it should be at that time.

Here again I am. Looking into my heart and realizing that my faith is not always as strong as it should be. That I still need practice in getting this right. That I am still learning lessons about this life so that I may be more and more a useful servant of the Lords. Catherine stated that the Lord must being trying to show me something as this was the same thing that happened before. Same type of feelings. John wrote that I am here for Him and doing His work also. I am now examining my strength which is a very good practice for us all to do.

I should not just reason that because things are going wrong that I am out of His will, only that I have a tougher walk to walk for Him. That I have to become a little stronger so that I will be able to complete the next task.

Bad things and bad times are good for us if we realize that they are just the circumstances that we must live in. As a Christian it is my challenge to remain in Him and to give these circumstance to Him. Jesus Christ is my, our, Lord and Savior and as such He is in control of all things and in all things we must be thankful. In doing this we can take all of this mess, all of these struggles, in stride and for His Glory.

Oh Lord, continue to have me churn these things around in my head. Let me struggle with such things so I don't just dismiss them. Allow me to grow. We are made to Glorify you in all things but if I just dismiss these circumstances as everday life then I will not be allowing you to speak to me. If I just let myself be part of the world then you can not be used by you. Thank you Lord.

Oh, whoa is me!

I don't think I am tired so this is not anything to do with my mind playing tricks on me. I really am wondering why I am doing this. Why I am here trying to swim in a pool that I shouldn't be in. Maybe this is an attack from Satan, because I derive all of my pleasure here from working for the Lord. But the work lately is giving me nothing to look forward to.

This jobs rewards on a grand level are great. I work with the finest Military in the world. Help them every day succeed in their Mission. Meet people I would never have met in my life. But the job on a small level has nothing appealing for me. There is nothing ever with the job that brings any satisfaction to my mind or heart.

On a Spirtual level, wow, this job offers so many benefits. I daily look forward to the opportunities to work for the Lord. To be with my Brothers and to wittness to the unreached. I have been blessed being here and forever the memories of this Mission will be with me. I am so thankful to Him who has given me so much.

Oh, but the world! How the darkness hates the Light. How I am forever looked at in a way that is different than others. My actions scrutinized more closely than others and work questioned more frequently. It is very apperent to me that I will suffer for the Lord but in ways that become very trining on me. I, in my opinion, am not a bad Manager, here I am gasping for air in my work. So many things working against themselves. So many things acting independantly with no way to rain them in. When you try, you fight for it. When you ask for partnership or structure you get disagreement. I just can't get myself around it all and I don't see a way through it.

Either I am really just here to wittness to the Lord or I am really not good at adapting myself in my job to what needs to be done. Maybe you all could offer your suggestions in comment but I am starting to question if I am just merely called to serve the Lord only, no matter what. As soon as I try to serve two Masters I am running into problems. Is this my wake up call or is this my calling. I believe that I must try to Glorify God in everything that I do, no matter what, and that is Gods Will. If I am not doing that then I am outside of Gods Will for my life. I am having more and more difficulty Glorifing Him as I try to be better at my job here.

I am sure these are normal struggles for people. These are the same questions I began to ask myself last year before I left my last job. There it was the draw to do the Lords work. There I felt the pull away from what I had done for years. But there the work was easy because I was practiced. Here I am not and my work is a problem but yet I am learning so much from Him.

I will pray for this situation and I ask that you do the same. I will continue to work and work through this as it is ultimately in Gods hands the outcome of it all. I hope also in the Lord that He will continue to allow me to see the Blessings He has in store in both instances. That all to His plan that I learn from both.

Wow, what silly ramblings, but these are the ramblings of all of our lives, in some way and some form each of us goes through this I would imagine.

Lord, see me through, in your way and in your time.

Distance

I don't know today, maybe just another one of those days that nothing is coming to me to write about. I will just begin and see where I go with it, see if I get inspired enough so that the words just flow. I actually just feel a little run down, almost as if I am getting sick, so I won't dwell on that in this Blog.

I was thinking about the difficulty in a way of communicating from here back home. Even though I have access to the internet and phone there still are many issues. The technology we have is unreliable many days. Low band width is the main problem and as we grow there are too many users clogging up the system. Delays in transmissions are another hassel. Some days there is a ten second delay in what you say and when it is heard. Only through practice can a conversation move smoothly. Sometimes the system just isn't working and you just sit and wait, no way around it at that point. Throw in the eight and a half hour time difference and it is a real hassel.

It just stinks sometimes having something to say, some need of the heart or something of just stupid urgency and no good way to do it. Then when you have a chance, you fight with frequent disconnections and such that just don't help the situation out. Last night Catherine and I tried for an hour to have a ten minute conversation through Skype because the phones were not working. When things finally got working she was already in bed for an hour. Anything unfinished now has to wait.

I think it also in a way, is that all of this just adds to the feeling of distance. When I could use the video portion of Skype at least you could see the person you were speaking with. Now that they don't allow that there is no way of seeing the face and expressions of the other person. A voice is what you know tied to your memory of what they look like. Almost like being in a dark box of sort. As a matter of fact I tend to close my eyes when I am talking so that I can better viualize the other person.

You alaso never have first hand experience of the events in your loved ones lives. You have your own life and they have theirs and it is only after the fact that you become part of it and at that only through hearing about it. Almost like reading a newspaper of your other life. I am glad for my life here but in the same turn my family and friends will never actually be a part of it. They will only hear about it afterwards.

So this feeling of distance sometimes overwhelms me. Not drastically but in a way that you just know that you can't get home quickly. At best, if I started right now, it would be three days for me to be in the States. Remarkable in a way that I can do that but terrible if I had to be home immediately.

In a way, maybe this is indicative of our society and why we just can't seem to connect really personally with those around us. We just don't have to anymore. We sit at computers and emails and never actually have to face each other. We are becoming more accustom to telephone, email and text that we miss out on the good old fashioned face to face. What are we giving our kids? What aren't we giving our kids? Our society is in a way proliferating individual living. Fake if you will people.

Look at Facebook, Twitter and all the rest. They are only allowing to happen what I feel a little of here but people are enjoying it thus it becomes exceptable in our lives. I am not saying it is bad because if used correctly butif it becomes the only way of comunication it will result in more distance in all of our lives.

I would give anything to be able to speak face to face with the people I love. I think maybe it would be good if we start trying to do that more often in our lives rather than in these other forms of information. Try it today if you can.

Paslm 126:5-6

Those who sow in tears
Will reap with songs of joy.
He who goes out weeping,
carrying seed to sow,
will return with songs of joy,
carrying sheaves with him.

I read this this morning and felt that I should write about it. It spoke to me as for what I am doing here in Afghanistan. I write so often about the difficultly that I have in being away from my family, maybe even too much. It is how I feel however and my goal is to write my experiences here. To write of my emotions and learning. Anything that may be relevant in someone elses life especially in relation to our Christian walk.

As I read this I could not help to relate this directly to myself. Maybe I am getting the contexct a little off, sorry Frank. I pondered this Psalm for a little while thinking of how I weap with sorrow for leaving my family. I weap because I miss my Brothers and friends back home. Yes I even miss occasionally the finer things that God has provided me. But this work that I do serves two purposes.

It is an income for my family. It provides stability for them to continue with their lives in the manner in which they have been doing for a while. Not saying if that is right or wrong but it is what it is. It is my responsibility to provide, through the grace of God, for my family.

Secondly, and unexpectedly, this has become a mission field for me. Here lies my joy. Yes I am happy that I provide for my family but that does not compare in the least to the joy I find in each blessing that the Lord allows me to wittness during my days.

So back to the Psalm, I am restored through Christ Jesus. He allows my grief in the service to my family to be turned into songs of joy. I am faithful to His call in that my heart is willing to wittness to His Glory so that my weaping is turned to joy. This makes it all worth it to me, I know that may sound selfish and prideful in a way but is that not what our Gospel speaks of, the joy of the Lord?

My writing oscilates back and forth on a day to day basis. I speak of trials and then of joys. Heart aches and blessings. I have a tug of war going on that you so many times hear about from me. Ultimately though know that it is for the Glory of God. That I toil and strain but the joy that comes from it is such a great reward for me and my family. That only becasue of these blessings do I move forward some days and Praise God for allowing me to participate in His plan.

We will all have good and bad days. Some days we will cry our guts out for the things that hurt us most. Other days we will walk on the clouds as things go our way. In the end though as we are faithful to His calling on our lives, whatever that may be, He will count it all as Joy.

Work for the Lord even when the work is drudgery, difficult and seemingly meaningless to His plans because you never know what He has in store for you. Cry, but cry out to Him. Feel pain but give it to Him. Miss those you Love but leave them in His hands. DO all these things as you journey, He will see you through in His own way.

Lord I pray for me to reap and sow in your name. I pray that others may do the same. That we all work for your Glory and that your Kingdom be exalted in the end.

Church Is Within You

A very faithful friend, Rosanne, reminded me today in an email that Church is within me. That even though the Chapel has moved that it will be ok because God is here, in my heart. That He will continue to work with me even if I don't go to "His House" as often, He is in "My House" always.

What a glorious God that we have. At the moment of our Rebirth in Him, he sends His couselor to us to dwell in our hearts. He in essences places Himself within us so that we are eternaly connected to Him. He guids us. He moves us. He speaks to us. He becomes one with us as long as we listen.

Rosanne also reminds me to let the Spirit do the ministering. How many times have I not? How many times has it been my efforts and not the Spirits efforts thorugh me? If I am walking in confidnce of the Spirit within me then I know that I will be ok. That as I carry the Church, the Ministry, the Fellowship and the Discipleship are also carried with me. They become my life not just the actions during the time at Church, the building.

We are to be the Church, the body in which the Highest of Highs calls His home. We are to represent that Holliness at all times so that those around us marvel at His glory that comes from within us. We are to be rady to praise and worship Him at all times so that others know His name from us. We are to be His.

I don't get this right all the time. I feel alone here. I feel as if I have work to do for God that must get done. I feel a sense of responsibility to accomplish much. Sometimes it is my needs that are being fullfilled not His. What I really need to do is just listen an act. Be responsible only to obediance and trust. Know that all things will work together for the good, with or without me. Know that it is not going to the Church that matters but being the Church that matters.

God Bless you all who read this and in one way or another respond to me and help me. I am blessed to have you all here as I make this journey. You are part of why I continue to push forward each day. You are part of why i explore my feelings and thoughts. Without you all I would not have moved forward in the waythat I have in my faith and in my life.

Lord, you have layed the foundations of my faith. You stand with me as the Master Craftsman, the architect of the rest of my life. Help me hear your voice and trust your ways so that my church becomes a a place of rest for those around me.

Change In The Routine

I don't like change so much. Not that it is bad but I am one who likes a little bit of a routine to what I am doing. I think this is something that Catherine has taught me since we have been married. I can almost hear my Dad say "what" as I write this.

So I returned to Shindand and the best way to get back to things is to start back into the routine of things. Now don't get me wrong, I am not talking about the Ground Hog Day routine that occurs here, the menotonious routine, but the routine of when and where I do things. Well that didn't happen yet as opon my arrival I became aware of how many things had actually changed from when I left.

Most of the Military has moved to the East side Camp and therefore the services that help support them also have moved. The Chapel has been taken down, the DFAC is now over there and the laundry will move today. With that being said it is not just a simple walk to get my meal and to drop off the laundry anymore. It also is not easy for me to go to the Chapel anymore which is probably the hardest.

As you may recall, each day I have spent time at the Chapel for one reason or another. I now am trying to figure out how I can do this without affecting my job responsiblities or off time from work. This change for me was abrupt, occurring while I was on R&R, and I had no time to adjust. What was a simple task now will take much more effort and planning and possibly I may just not be able to fit things in like before.

So the one thing that really matters to me here has now become difficult for me to do. I can not become delinquent in my obligations to the company. I must maintain the same standards of performance I would expect of my men as far as allotted time for breaks and such. So I ponder what I can do. So for now I will make the best of it even though it will be difficult. I wil find some way to get as much Worship time as possible.

So for now I ask for your prayers, as I am praying that God works this out. Also that I am obediant and willing to hear His voice. All things happen for a reason and at some point that will be made clear to me. Maybe we will go back to the Bunker Church idea that we had. Maybe it will be something else. Also pray that this change in my routine does not cause me to make excuses not to worship and fellowship with the Lord. That I maintain in other ways the service and devotion to Him.

My First Evening

I was able to spend time with Chandel last night for the first time in two weeks. I had bought Him a new Bible, an NLT Study Bible, and we spent the first few minutes talking about how to use this. I explained that when he and I could no longer sit together he would be able to continue to learn on his own. That this would be a valuable tool for him as he matured as a Christian.

We were also able to sit and pray together and read a devotional. This happened earlier in the evening before I tried to sleep. Unfortunately, again as I lay down my mind went back to the time away from the family and the things that I will be missing while I am away. I lay in bed for a while just Praising God agian and praying my heart out. What made it worse last night, however' was that I was also wrapped up in the fact that I knew I had to sleep so that my mind was not so vulnerable but that I was not able to do so. Kinda a double whammy of sorts.

So after a few phone calls to Catherine, she is my go to person, I tried again to fall asleep with no success. I went to Chandel, as he was reading his bible and sat a few minutes with him. He had been reading Ruth and was still awake. As we sat he stated that he liked the new Bible, and the notes at the bottom. They helped him better understand what he was reading. He seems to pick up very quickly the things he reads which I think will benefit him tremendously in the long run.

He also spoke of his family and paticularly his father. His father is a devout Hindu and even though he allows Chandel to have his new faith he still does try to influence him subtley. Chandel , from what I can tell respects his father and does not try to argue with him about faith but he so wants his father to understand his life. We did speak of how Chandel could speak to him and how he could tell him about Jesus, along with him being an example to his father of how Christ was working in his life. Chandel does want his father to know Jesus and I believe looks forward to wittnessing to him and the rest of his family.

We also spoke of a recent rocket attack, last Monday, and how the two rockets had landed just outside the Hesco's near our tents. He indicated some fear in the possibilities of this happening again and my fear rose a bit as I thought also of what was realy happening here in Afghanistan. These types of things bring you back into focus of the job at hand and the risks.

After a while with Chandel I laid down again. Mind wondering some but slowly I slipped into sleep. Throughout the night I tossed and turned and woke briefly but I was able to get a good six hours in. Thie morning brought a shower and a shave so I am all in all a little better off then I was yesterday.

It is good to be here and back with my friends and brothers. It was better to sit with Chandel and begin to sharethe Gospel again. It strengthens me to be able to teach him and in another way it is good that he is teaching me.

I praise God for Chandel and his steadfastness to his faith. He so easily could have given up or waivered but he does not. I know that he has found Jesus and has faith that He is the way.

Return to Shindand

I want to first thank Susan for reminding me of the book Prison to Praise. As I spent last night in Kandahar, I was just a mess again. My mind wondered back home, to the people that I love and the things that I will miss again. I thought also about the time ahead of me at this point. I am one third down and my next R & R will be in ninety days, just a little less then I have completed at this point. It just seems like forever.

Sun after writing the previous blog and Catherine calling several times I lay in bed just trying to get to sleep. Nothing Seemed to work to settle me down until I remembered Susan speaking about the power that one woman had found from the book Prison to Praise. By praising God for everything in our lives, everything around us we can find blessing and miracles in our lives. This guess what I started doing, praising God for my pillow, for the time at home that I had, for the people who are close to me, for everything. I could not think of enough and when I could think of something I just said Praise you God.

Not that it was a miracle but I did fall asleep. Praising God allowed my mind to focus not rest on my problems and fears but on Him, my God. This brought me comfort. In a way this is a small reminder of the power of God in our lives. When we focus on Him and set our mind to His ways we can be relieved of our Burdon, relieved of the small demons that cause us pain so much.

Thank you Susan.

Ok, so I returned this morning at 6:30 to Shindand only to find my bed moved and somone sleeping in it. Now I knew about the moving of the bed, I will speak about that some other time, but somone sleeping in my bed threw me though. It actually upset me a bit as all I wanted to do is spend a few minutes laying down after the long journey. That would take a little while, actually I have not layed down yet and it is six hours later. Good news is that I ahve my bed back.

The Camp has gone through some major changes both with personel and with set up. The DFAC has moved to the East side which means that we now have to take a bus to go eat. Just adds time and effort to the routine of everyday. The Chapel is gone, it has also been moved to the East side. Supposed to be nice but I do not know how I will get there for noon prayer and for Sunday service. Oh thats another thing, I missed Service today.

The good news is that I was able to see all of my guys. Almost immediately I saw Chandel and gave him the new Bible I brought for him. What a smile he had as he held it. Joell told him it was a new sword. I also saw Robert briefly for a hug and a hello. Each man today that I saw welcomed me back, it was nice to see them all again.

So I am back and for now the ache is gone. I will settle in again and begin a new stretch of time here in Afghanistan. I look forward to my time again here and being in the will of God as much as I can, you know it is mostly up to us. I look forward to seeing the DFAC workers and all of my Military friends. I also look forward to writing to you all again each day.

Lord, thank you for this safe return to my Home Away from Home. Thank you for your faithfullness to me even when I struggle with our relationship.

I'm Back

Wow, this is so much tougher than I would have thought, leaving home again. I would have expected that since I had been through it once, ninety days ago, that it would not have been this bad. I am hurting, and the "ache" is back with force.

I had a great time on R&R and feel that I we made the most of what the time we had together. Could we have done more? Certainly. Should we have done more? I don't know I guess the feeling in my stomach says, "yes". I feel like I could have filled the days with more things with my family and friends. Maybe that is just hind sight and satan working on my head, giving me the "you should of's" list. He is a master at that game.

It does make me think about how we love. R&R becomes a show of all of the love that could not be shown when you weren't there physically. Does that make sense? You want to make up for time away, abscense, and I don't feel as if I did. Just a feeling mind you. Part of the trickery also that is going on in that it can work against my well being. The good news is that I know that I did my best in being present in the moments that I had. That I gave as much as I could have given and that is the best I could do. I will ask you the question though again sio you can ponder it for a bit, how do you show your love and is that the most meaningful ay you can?

It was eye opening how quickly I fell back into normal life. I would say it was almost immediately although I was aware enough for it to bother me. It actually scared me that I could so quickly loose the closeness that I feel with the Lord while I am here when I returned home. It was easy for me not to rely on His presence each day, to move away from Him a bit because of the other things going on. Maybe this is the human condition that we will never pass through? the good news is that I have been walking in His presence continually today.

Sounds funny, I get on a plane and things change. I become uber Saint, finding the Lord again for my strength and comfort. Why wasn't this continual? Why does it come and go? I can some it up and maybe I am rehashing the last few paragraphs, but I became comfortable back at home. My needs changed because things got cushy. So this tells me something. It tells me that as Christians that when we are totally comfortable we have a tendancy to leave God out a bit. We only like the temporary fix when we are sick not the long term cure of total devotion.

My R&R was fabulous, and I am back here now. I appologize for the lack of writing especially to those who read daily. I was on vacation I guess. Good lame excuse. Do you think God went on vacation from me? HMMMMM? I don't. He was there.

He was there when I got the kids off the bus. He was there on Saturday morning at Men's group. He was with us at the Jerabecks. He was definately with me at my childrens school when I visited with the students. He was with me at the two Sunday services. He was absolutely with everyone at Tom Littles Memorial as I saw Him in Tom. He was there the whole time and occasionally I noticed. Occassionally I responded to Him and even spoke with Him in prayer. Occasionally I wrote about Him. But on most occasions I thought about me and didn't think about Him until I needed to. My fault. Your fault when you do it also.

I just pray today that I get better at this relationship with Him. He is always, always faithful to us. We just don't return the love in the same way. My R&R was great, with my family. My R&R from Him I was not good.

Lord, "I'm Back" hopefully better than before. I pray for my strength Lord, in you. I pray that I don't slack again. I pray that these are not just words right now.

Back in the Middle East

Thank You.

First of all, today I would like to start off by thanking everyone here in New York for the love that they showed me while I was home. For the Church that I call my home Bethlehem Community Church, you are just wonderful and I was so happy to be there for Worship and the services. it was such a natural feeling in my heart to be there with you all the last two Sundays.

To Kay, know that you are in my prayers along with John. It was so nice to see you both and spend time with you. You always warm my heart and I will miss again your Sunday hugs.

To A.J., "Excuse me, Sir, it's Mike". You keep on trugging along old man. I love you so much. I can't wait to hear about how many lives you touch in the home. You are a blessing to all that know you.

To the Saturday Morning Men's Group, you are a a Rock to me. You keep me moving forward each week waiting to hear you all on Skype in Worship and Prayer. Move beyond your room there and push each other to more and more for the Glory of God. This new study can help out. Know that you are all Loved by me and I look forward to seeing you all again in a few months.

To my Accountability Group, you know who you are. I will speak to you all on Monday. I still have not missed a meeting and I don't plan on it. you are so wonderful, each of you. I ask also that you push beyond the easy stuff and pour into each other as much as possible. You are all strong men of God and He deserves your best.

To David M. thank you for the talks and the support. you are an encouragement to me for the work that is being done in Afghanistan. I appreciate our talks and your wisdom.

For his wife, Cindy, I am going to miss your hugs and overwhelming joy.

Rosemarie, thank you for your prayers.

Bob, thank you for the books and journal. Also for the prayer on Tuesday.

Scott, Praise and Glorify Him in ALL things. You are in my heart always. Cointinue to fight the good fight.

John S. thank you for the lunch and the talk. You are a wonderful Godly man and I am glad to call you my friend. Thanks for the arm on Harrisons shoulder.

JJ - Always a Holy Kiss for you. Pray like there is no tomorrow, I know you will. I love you.

To David, oh what an example you are to me. What a loving Shepard you are to our church. What a loving friend you are to my family. I keep you tucked into my heart and look at you when I need guidance. Thank you for all that you do and God bless you.

Frank. My most precious friend. I am so glad that you put your pants on the same way that I do! Stay true to the Spirits leading in your heart as you lead your flock. You, I see always as I go on my own walk, thank you for that.

To any that I have missed, I am sorry. It has been a wonderful two weeks and I have been blessed by you all. You are my family and are always with me in some way or another.

I will begin writing again on Saturday.

Michael

A Few Days Off

I have followed the advise of a few friends and Catherine and loosened the expectation of me writing everyday while I am home. I have been able to sleep in a bit and enjoy just reading in the mornings and spending time with the children.

I am also begining to prepare to leave on Thursday afternoon, trying to squeeze in as much as possible before I go.

Be blessed and thank you for continuing to check for new blogs each day. I plan on returning to the daily writing within the week.

The Final Few Days

Well this morning it kinda hit me, in a few days I will be heading back to Afghanistan. All of a sudden I feel as if I don't have enough time to get everything in that needs to get in. I know that it will be ok, and that I will do as much as I can do but still the feeling that something is missed.

It is a strange feeling. In the back of my mind the sense that this may be the last time. The last time to wake the kids or to walk the dog, to lay next to my wife. The thought of the "lasts" is not a good feeling especially when there is nothing you can do about it. Don't get me wrong, it is not overwhelming or depressing, just present in my mind.

From this I think of things that need to be said. Discussions that I should have with my children and wife. Things about life and expextations and hopes that I have in my heart that I just need a little more time to talk about. Most of us don't think about a possible conclusion to our lives, so we always think we have time.

That said, I think also of the the journey ahead for me. I am revitalized in the mission that the Lord has placed me in. Being at Tom Littles Memorial yesterday has set in my heart that all of us, including me has the opportunity to impact the world one little peace at a time. Tom lived life to the fullest. One quote that stood out was that you could see Tom's vision in what he did. He allowed his actions to speak for him. How powerful is that? any of us can stand and speak about what should be done, but when we do what should be done, than we lead, then we are true to our word.

So I think about returning to Afghanistan and pouring more of myself into my work and the work of God. Into bettering the lives of those soldiers and the workers that are in my care. The opportunities to allow my actions to speak are tremendous and I can now look forward to it more so then before. I think about pouring myself into Chandel and the others like him who now know Jesus Christ in a way that will equip them to be missionaries when they return to their homes.

I think about my future as I feel the rest of my time will be easier now. I think about where I will be when this ends. I wonder if my plans will be the same as the Lords plans for me, are we on the same chapter in the book of my life. Time will tell on that one.

This week will be emotional. it will be difficult, more difficult towards the end. I will rely on what little strength I have and more so on the strength that I get from Him who loves me and who will see me through this. Pray for me to keep my chin up.

In reflection think about the first thing I talked about, the possibility of the finality of your life. It will happen at some point so don't think that this is morbid. What will it be all about? What will it have been all about? What are the things that you would like to have said and done differently? What moments would uyou liked to have had? Maybe there is still a few days to do these things, go and see.

Saturday

A little late for this one, however better late than never!

Today I rose late and went to Men's Group. This will be the last Men's Group for me for a while. I enjoyed the time and made the most of it.

Today is also the memorial for Tom Little. If any of you don't know, Tom was the Servant of God who was killed in Afghanistan a little over a month ago with several other Missionary Doctors. A life to be honored.

It is Saturday, make the most of it and the moments you have today to glorify God.

"Work for God Today"

There isn't really as much time as you may think. You can not plan your lives as if you will have forever to do the things that you dream about doing. You don't have time to wait for the right moment to speak the Gospel into someones life who doesn't know the Love that Jesus has for them. We never know when this time, our time will end and our opportunities to changes lives will be no more.

Think about where you are at now. think about how many times you have planned things for the future. Reflect on how many times you have not spoken the Gospel to someone, not spoken Truth into their lives because the time was not right. Also, do not many of us plan on Ministry opportubities for the future. thinking that when our schedule lightens up that we will have more time to have or participate in a small group, more time to volunteer.

Of course Jesus will understand, you and I are just too busy today to take advantage of the opportunities He has made for us. For goodness sakes, He has put me right where He wants me so I don't have to do anything else. I can just do "this" until He moves me to do something else. Do you think that we all are going to get a moment like Moses or Noah when our time of action comes?

Jesus is working in our lives every minute. The Spirit is in us every second that we breathe. If we acknowledge it or not we are living in the midsts of our Lord and Savior right now. So why not trust His work in us and make every moment a God moment? The answer is that we don't trust that we are equipped enough at this moment to do anything worth while for Him. how untrue that is. How Satan has lied to us and convinced us that the the Spirit within us just isn't enough to get the job done.

It's a lie! You are equipped enough at this moment to handle anything now that comes your way. Maybe it is not building an Ark, but whatever opportunity it is now, you can handle now. Don't think that He does not know what your strengths and weaknesses are. Don't think that you will be alone and not able to handle what is before you. Don't think that the Lords timing is off a bit and He just doesn't know you welll enough. Trust Him!

We walk with the living God. We have the Spirit within us, to strengthen us and counsol us. Jesus has our back and that is all that you should need to know as you step out every minute in faith. Don't fool yourself into thinking that the time is not right, or that you can do something another time because then you are in essence saying to the God that His timing is not perfect, that He may have gotten you wrong, or the situation wrong.

Step in Faith always. Know that His timing is perfect and that every moment you have is time for you to speak and act and be a Christian and preach the Gospel to others. If you think anything different from that, if you believe that you will have time later, you are wrong and you are cheating God from the opportunity for you to Glorify Him in this moment.

Put on your calendar toady and everyday that you will "Work for God Toady" as a remindeer that there is no day better then this one to Glorify Him.

A Whole Lot of Nothing to Write

I don't know why but I am truly struggling with writing now that I am home. Maybe this is the "writers block" that happens occasionally. Maybe I am "not in the Spirit" or He's not in me! maybe I just am comfortable being home and my heart is not in that continual fellowship with the Lord as it is when I am back in Afghanistan. What ever the reason I am laboring to write even the briefest of words.

I find when this happens it is best just for me to write. Even to write about not being able to write. to jsut allow myself to flush my thoughts out about the nothingness of my thoughts and thus fullfilling my need to write everyday. Yes I need to write everyday, it has become part of my routine and i feel now obligated to do so.

Maybe that I am home now I feel as if there is no one to write to. You all are here and I am with you so what would be the point of writing anything. Wrong thought. The point of writing is that I feel the need to relate my experiences into the Christian Life. To give insight that no other would have unless I wrote it as I am the only one who experiences my point of view the way that I do. Therefore my circumstance, being in Afghanistan, and my walk with the Lord are unique and therefore offer something to you the reader that you can get nowhere else.

So Why do I struggle? I think it is because comfort sinks back in quickly. This scares me, yes, scares me. I don't want to lose my relationship with the Lord so easily. I don't want to have comforts that will draw me away from Him so quickly. I almost think it is a litmus test of the depth of my faith. How shallow am I that a few comforts would change my soul so readily. Does this happen to anyone else? Do we quickly trade in our dependance on Jesus for a the comforts of home.

Of course we do, of course I do. I am as failed as any other person. I readily trade in the best thing that I could have, Jesus, for temporary comforts now. Isn't this the heart of our disobediance to Him, the heart of our sin? Not that I am sinning, well not a big sin, but I certainly am placing things before Him. I am making small idols that I will worship before I worship Him. I am sinning in this the same as if I murdered someone.

The Christian walk is difficult. Boy it sure is more difficult staying on the narrow path at home then in Afghanistan. It is probably even why the American Church is dying in a sense, because we just have so much in our way. We just have too many things to look at besides Jesus Christ as our example. I read Luke 4 today and here we see the Temptation of Jesus by Satan. At the base case Satan attempts to give Him things other than the things of God. Satan offers attractive alternatives to what is really important in Christ's life. The American Dream is the same offer to us.

If I am going to be successful in this life I must not search for the American Dream. I must not get caught up in this trap that Satan has laid out for me and you, to be comfortable and have all that we need. We must remain only focussed on the ultimate comfort that God offers us through faith in Jesus Christ. We must think of the final outcome over the temporary solution.

I had a whole lot of nothing to write today when I started this. I wrote alot. I pray that my life does not become empty with all the material things that can take up the space that only Christ should occupy.

Just Drawing a Blank

I am just drawing a blank today.

Today I am just a ship on a dead still water. Floating and waitingt for the slightest wind to blow. At these times the anticipation of something to come is the focal point. Every minute of stillness feels like an hour. In the dead still every thought is held captive and we feel alone and helpless.
Today I will wait in this stillness. Prepare for the wind.

God does not always move us to action, sometimes He casues us to stay right where we are and wait on Him. He wants us to reflect and wait. To be in the stillness and prepare for Him to move us again.

See How Life Starts to Get In the Way

Today my post is probably the latest hat it has ever been. Normally, from Afghanistan, I am writing it as you all are going to bed and that allows me plenty of time to reflect and find what I will areite about.

This morning I slept in a bit, I woke at 06:00 at the same time the kids get up. I have been spending the last few early mornings awake around 0200 or 0300 for a while until I am able to fall back asleep, so today was good for me in a sense. Once awake however then I am involved in getting the kids ready for school. Something that I have not done in a while and something that I am not practiced at so much.

Anyway to be brief, i guess my anxiety raises up a bit and therefore my efforts to help don't always go over so well. Combine this with my sleep pattern and everything else that goes on and then you have a morning that didn't go so well. Not that I lost control but just that uneasy tension that just puts a bad spin on the morning. Definately not something that I thought about having happen when i was still dreaming about coming home for a visit.

These things are reality however in our lives. nothing will ever be perfect as long as we live on this earth. We will never have everything in such harmony that there won't be something that gives us adversity. many times, and I know this for me, it is because my expectations of something are different then what the possible outcome can be. For instance, that each morning will be like the Sound of Music while I am home. Impossible, however i expected that it should be.

This I believe is what our lives involve in many instances. Our disapointments, our struggles come from what we expect to be differing from what really is. Our sin is a result many times of this. We place other things in the way of Gods plans for us. we step to our own drum instead of listening for what God have us do.

I guess in a sense the difference in being in Afghanistan and being here is that here more of life will begin to get in my way. There is more going on, more influences in everyones life that then start to effect the things around us. My children have their stress, Catherine has hers and I have mine and all of this begins to draw each of us away from what we should be focussed on, loving each other as christ loves us.

Today life got in my way. I began to feel things as they used to effect me. I have begun to slip a little into the business and into false expectations of others and the things around me. Satan can use this very well to create in us anxiety and other emotions that are not Holy and good and that just add to the sin that we find ourselves in so often.

Lord, move in me in a way that allows me not to have false expectations of the world around me. Let me focus on you Lord and only react in Love and understanding to the adversity that is around.

The Simple Things/

This morning I will be able to get the kids up so they can get ready for school. I have been able to wake them on several occasions via the phone but that is just not the same. Being able to rub their backs and poke them a bit if needed sure beats a phone to the ear any day. This seems like a simple thing but the simple things are what I missed the most while I have been away.

The simple things are also what we take for granted most during our regular lives also. We don't see something like waking the kids up as special. We don't see how playing a game or sitting at the table to eat dinner can be something so treasured. We just pass it off as the routine and don't think twice about it, until it is gone from our lives.

In our lives now we try to plan special moments in to it to highlight the mundane. We have a dinner out or an overnight trip with our spouse so that this event can be recorded as something worth while and outside of the norm for us. Why not look to the regular occurances of life as special. Why don't we realize that the simple act of waking a child is a moment that can be treasured?

I think it is because our nature always craves more. We expect to be stimulated by something different everyday. Our culture feeds this to us with the commercials and advertisments, new a special offers. It has developed into this perpetual disatisfaction with the things we have.

So back to waking the kids. I realize that in a week or so I will return to Afghanistan and my opportunity will be gone again for this activity. I also realize that everyday that I am away is one more that I have lost with them. Also that the possibility that I may never be able to do this with them again. All of a sudden the routine becomes important in my heart. Circumstance changes and I see with new eyes the value of what before was the mudane.

So could we not all move back to a place where we see the value and pleasure in the simple things in life. Could we not reduce the noise that keeps us so inatentive to the simple so that we could slow down and enjoy just waking the kids up, or sitting for a meal with our families. What would it take but a change of our own hearts to place the simple things in life back into a place of importance to us. Just some effort I believe. Just a look with new eyes is all.

Try these glasses on. What if you could never again touch the warm back of your child and rub it as you say to them it is time to get up? How important would it become if today was the last time you could see their little eyes open slowly with a soft moan of disgust as their sleep was interupted. Look through these glasses today and see that the most important thing for you to have in your life is the opportunity to enjoy the simpleset moments of that life.

Rfelect opon all of the things you do today and ask, what if this was gone, how would it make me feel. What would I do if I no longer had this in my life? Examine the feeling, be honest and see if that thing should be moved up or down on the importance scale of your life.

Rest and Relaxation

For those of you who may not know yet I have come home for R&R. I arrived Friday morning at 9:25 after about 24 hours of travel. The whole intent was to surprise the kids when they arrived home from school Friday afternoon. Because of that Catherine and I did not tell anyone that I was coming home.

Seeing my wife after so long was amazing for me. I kept holding back tears as i landed and then walked through the airport. As I walked into the waiting area I began to cry, and so did catherine who waited off to the side a bit. We just hugged for a while. You all could imagine so I will spare the details. It was a long awaited time for us.

It is a little unusual for me but at he same time not as strange as I thought it would be. Driving home from the airport was the first thing that through me off. I had not driven over 25 mph in the last 90 days, let alone have hundreds of other cars around going 60 mph was a little unnerving. Catherine drove but I did a good job of telling her what to look out for and to slow down on the turns.

It was raining when we landed in Albany, what a welcome sight. You really don't know how nice the rain is until you haven't had any for a while. We took a walk with the dog in the afternoon in it also which was very nice to say the least. I hope to have a thunderstorm before I go, that would be great, to hear the sound of the water hitting the ground and the clap of thunder to accentuate the moment.

Green is a marvelous color. Wow! So much of it that it is almost overwhelming. Short green and tall green everywhere. You can't believe how much you can miss it until it is not there. Now the trees are changing into all of the other colors which also has it's benefits but the green is what I longed for most.

The kids were surprised. I waited in the house until they crossed the street from the bus. I didn't want them to come running across without looking. I stepped out as they hit the driveway. Anna dropped everything and came running, Harrison was stunned and just kept saying "what are you doing?" It was a great moment and made the entire trip worth it for me.

I was able to also surprise the Saturday Morning Mens Group. Harrison came with me and we waited downstairs until they finished the first Worship song and entered the room during the break. It was another long awaited moment for me. These men are part of what I look forward to each week as I usually Skype in for a half hour or so each week from Afghanistan. Hugging each of them reaffirmed a connection that we have with each other as Brothers in Christ.

Today I look forward to my first time back in our Church for three months. I am just so excited and wait with so much anticipation to be there again.

My two weeks will be filled with as much as I can fill it with. I feel as if am am preparing to gorge myself on my life here and get my fill again before returning to Afghanistan. I have no expectations for anything past enjoying this time and to use it as much as I can to be available to glorify God in every moment.

Home Is Where the Heart Is

I think I have written something like this before but right now I am just not going to go back and look. Writers proagotive, we can say today, to write as He is being lead. Hopw nobody minds!

I am just over three months down with my time here. anybody that is friends with Catherine on Facebook knows that she keeps a weekly ticker going of my time. It is nice even for me to see once a week the progress that I am making. It is also hard sometimes as I feel like I have come so far and yet it has only been a brief time here. The phinominum (spelling) of slowness of time I guess. Leatherneck feels so long ago yet it was only the in july that I was there.

Now in Shindand as I enjoy the work and the people more it also feels like I have been there for such a long time. That I am an "Old Pro" at what I am doing. As new people come in I am one of those that has been there a while, "hey what is it like here?" I am asked. In reality it has only been the better part of two months, not long when you truly think about it.

I speak often to Catherine and the kids, usually twice a day on most days. thank you modern technology. This keeps us close, in a sense, as a family. We are fortunate that we can do this. In the Gulf War, as my Brother Ethan points out, they did not have the access to the technology that we have today. Letters were the primary source of communication and at best it took a month for them to get home. So I am fortunate to have the ability to still be with my family each day.

Home is wher ethe heart is! My heart is becoming split I think. Yes, as I examine myself I can feel that I now have two homes, Shindand and New York. Whne I am away from both I think about them and wonder what is happening there. I think about those that are close to me, my family and my firends in Shindand. I worry about my children and what they may be doing are they safe and I worry about my workers in the same regard. I also worry for Chandel and Nevin that they are beinmg fed Gods Word so they remain strong as new Christians as I also think about my children and their walk. I have dual residency in my mind and heart, something I did not think would ever happen to me.

I guess as I look back it started when I burned my ships as Frank likes to say, in Kandahar back in August. I made a conscience descision that I must move forward in what I was doing in Afghanistan. That until I was truly committed I would stay anchored to home and continue to be in a place that was holding me back from both God and my work. I now see the effects, positive I may add, of that descision.

I wish I could reverse the order, be in New York and be able to stay in touch with Shindand twice a day but I can't. This is the way that God has He will be faithful to His Word and take care of the things around me, take care of my family and take care of the men in Shindand under my stewardship.

So my heart is in two places each day, so therefore my home is in two places. I can only be here or there physically but mentally I can be both at once, and pour as much into all as I can each day. Each place deserves my attention and care, each deserves me as much as I can give them. I can do this if ultimately, again, I trust that God wants me in these places in this way, in His service and in His control.