The Return of Matthew

Some of you may recall the young Chaplins Assitant Matthew who I wrote about several weeks ago. You can refresh with the Post titled Rejected if you need. He has returned from his trip to the North with his Chaplin and yesterday he, I and Richard were able to sit agian during the Muslim prayer on the front porch of the Chapel.

Now even though I have spent alot of time speaking with Richard and he has become a big encouragement to me I was very heavily drawn to Matthew. Something about him made me think that he needed my time. The conversation was slow at first as we spoke about his trip and the things he had done.

Something struck me as the two yound men spoke about girlfriends love with two distinct ideas of such. Richard had great regard for his grilfriend and believes that she is a gift from God. I know, as he has told me that he plans to marry her. But Matthew, he described issues that were deep in the regard of love, things that hold him back or create stumbling blocks of sorts in relationship. This intrigued me a bit. Certainly not necessarily driven by faith but enough of a thought for me to probe.

I asked Him abou the differences of love of the heart and love of the mind. He had mentioned falling out of love because of mentally drained. To me it seemd as if there was a something in what he thought love was and what he felt love was. It is hard for me to describe but I explained to him that loves was not always based strictly on how we felt. That love was a deeper connection that goes past the day to day feeling that we have for someone.

He began to discribe his love in a way that was cold almost calculated. He would test the waters and see if he was could love someone before committing to fully. There was a very distinct fear of true commintment of his heart to somone. Maybe this is why he had turned to Hinduism? From what he has told me it is knowledge based and enlightenment that moves you forward not love and faith.

I asked him what his books in Hinduism said about love? He replied with he wasn't sure, that he did know of the Commasutra and that was about love. I then explained a little about what Jesus says about Love, that it is the greatest things we can do for somone. I explained that love is why God sent Christ and that HE lay down His life for us, all of us.

At this point this young man opened up again, like flood waters. He had been faithful to God and prayed to Him often when he was young but never did God answer His prayers. HE never got what he wanted from God. He never saw love from people that were in his church and therefore did know from them Gods love. He said that He believed that there is a God but that God didn't love him that why Hinduism was appealing as it was up to Him to gain the knowledge and move on.

I saw again the pain in this young man even though his sun glasses hid his eyes. I heard in his voice the untold unfulfilled expectations of God. I felt the pain again of the rejection of his church. I could only imagine his questions to those that stood in judgemnet of him as a teenager as he asked the same questions of them. Why does not God answer my prayers. Why do I not feel Him with me? Why do these bad things happen? With no response only rejection.

Matthew then began to express some details of his life that I will not go into here. Things in his dreams and feelings that are purely meant for his destruction, purely from satan. He is in a battle and satan is winning. He has been rejected by those who should have loved him. He now can not determine the true nature of love in his personal relationships. He has a belief in a Religion that does not offer him hope and he has dreams that would make your head spin. "who is all this from I asked him"? What? "Who do you think these bad things are from, who wants your destruction more than anyone else?" I asked. Satan.

I looked at this young man and begin to wittness the miracle that Jesus Christ had done ion my life. The plan of God to bring me and him to that spot at that very moment so that I could speak into his life. I wittness of the Love of Jesus Christ for all men as He was crucified for all mans sins, his and mine. I wittnessed that I was extremely sorry for his church rejecting him and that he no longer could love someone as they should be loved. I then looked him in the face and wittnessed that even if he didn't believe it Jesus Christ loved him, and that I also loved him as Christ asked me to do.

I had never spoke to anyone in the way that I did in those brief moments of time. I cried as I spoke and I felt so much for this young man in those moments. I truly felt, that I was trying to save his life and win a battle that satan had already established firm ground in. He sat and just looked at me, he rubbed a tear from under his sunglasses.

I had to go, my lunch had concluded several minutes earlier but I stayed to pray a prayer with Matthew and Richard. I prayed for them both and specifically for the battle waging in Matthew. I prayed for Him to know the love of the Lord so that he could have Hope in his life. I prayed for his heart that it would be turned over to Jesus as Lord and Savior.

When I stood I hugged Richard with the traditional "BroHug" and then turned to Matthew and reached my arms full around him, and him me. I hugged and told him I loved him and then parted.

We are asked to love one another. To lay down our lives for one another. We, and I had done it myself before, allow our fear to come before that Love. In this moment my fear was gone and I moved in Love, I truly feel as if I was trying to save his life. I moved past my fear, and allowed the Lord to work through me so that Matthew hear His voice through mine. WHat a blessing it was to be used in this way.

Move past your fear.