Just Not Getting Along.

You just are not going to get along with everybody!  I have found that out this week working with my replacement.  Me and him just aren't able to see eye to eye on anything.  For me it has just been a struggle to maintain my compossure and over time I realized that I had better do something or it would not be good for either of us. 

The man is very capable, knowledgeable and eager to get started.  He will be able, in my opinion, to handle the job and the responsibilities with ease.  The problem has been that we just do things tottally different from one another.  These differences continue to cause me frustration and that frustration has lead to me getting angery.  This is not good.

Now the anger, which I tell you is not explosive, is what has been bothering me personally.  I should not allow myself to get upset with another so easily.  I should not allow my wittness to be changed because of an external factor, even somone else.  i should be able to remain in control and trusting of the Spirit enough to be ok in all circumstances.  What I have done though, on several occasions is just react in a negative way, certainly not, in anyway, glorifing to God as I should be.

So yesterday I did what I fet was right, being convicted of my lack of control, and appologized for adding stress to my replacements transition.  I also made plans to transistion very quickly and then for the next three weeks go to the PAX Termianl and help out there where they are short handed.  In essence I will be killing two birds with one stone.  Removing myself from this situation here and helping in another area there. 

In speaking with Frank yesterday, I expressed my disappointment that it had come to this, that I had come to this point.  His take was that ultimately we are called to be peace makers and sometimes that meant removing ourselves from the situation as I have done here.  We don't always have to remain where we are and try to fix it like guys wnat to do, we can see the struggle and get away, if it is best.  Jesus also shows us this, on multiple occasions He slips away fromk a crowd that is unhappy.  He had to do it cliff side in His own home town.  There is, contrary to the worldly view, nothing wrong with this view or action.

What is not good has been my actions.  Reagardless of what I percieve this man to be, or what his actions are should not change what I do.  My responsibility is to maintain myself, to be responsible for my actions.  This is the same priciple as regarding all circumstances that we find ourselves in that we glorify God.  Yes in all things glorify God.  I know this and I know when I am not doing it.  This is the part that needs correction and prayer.  This is where I have found inside myself, pride, and that is what I must work on.

I also know well enough, my actions aside, that there are going to be many stumbling blocks in my path for the next month.  These will be of satan or of God but either way, the way that I deal with them, how I give them to God, will be the key.  I must take each one, and attend to it appropriately.  This time it was with this man, next time maybe travel or later my asimilation back home.  Any one of these things can present in odd ways, and be used against me.  My strength and the perseverance that I have gained through this, I must rely on.

As a side message to Christian men, when I was weak it became wearing on my wife.  Yesterday, Catherine told me that this week was tougher on her because of the concern for me.  That she had been praying heavily for me everyday.  We are the Spiritual leaders of our house,and if we step down from that it affects the family. 

In the end, even in a bad place we can learn.  Even when we fail the Lord wants to see how we get up, how we turn or continue to look upon Him.  How and what we have learned and where our heart was and where it is going.  I am doing better, but I am not yet at my best in Him.  I know however that I will be again and from this I have learned.

Lord, bless those that have prayed fro me, that have helped counsel and see me through these last few days.  Strengthen again my wife as she can look upon me as the Spiritual Leader that I am.  Thank you also for this time of trial so that I can gain perseverance and endurance.  See me through the last few weeks here.  Amen.