Slipping a Bit!

We are getting packed in pretty tight around here now. The Camp is expanding rapidly, from Band 3 to Band 4. Basically for us it means that we are going about three hundred fifty to seven hundred fifty people. Along with this we are now building our own Camp on the East Side. Becasue everything here now must be torn down and rebuilt we have very limited number of tents for everyone to live in.

With that said, today the last twenty beds in our tents will be filled with new arrivals. I will most likely have somebody sleeping above me and the space between Roberto and I will now house three people. Our small community is getting bigger. So to give you the picture we will have four people living in about 100 square feet of space, minus what the beds take up. From what I understand from Calvin it is not as bad as the Navy.

It has been a little difficult for me to make the change into this new tent and now to have the tent full. Mentally I have not really recovered from R&R. I came back to this move and the Chapel and most services being on the East side including the Chapel so that it has just thrown me off enough to keep me struggling. To tell you the truth the prayer with the Chaplins Assistants has seased for now, Discipleship with Chandel was hampered by his schedule and with the drive to prayer being longer it can be somewhat of a drain.

All of these things have left me Spirtual, mentally and physically struggling with things. I have drove into my personal growth as much as I can but that will only take me so far. I feel it and know it of myself that I am far better of in the service and fellowship of my Christian Brothers. I do enjoy my work but it is sparce with anything fullfilling for me. So between the bursts of something good from work and what I can get from my Spiritual life I am on a bit of a roller coaster ride.

My thoughts always return to my relationship with the Lord. I struggle sometimes staying focussed there as most people do. It is troubling to me, which in turn is good because if I didn't care I would be more worried. The rollercoaster just keeps going. I do seek him. I look for him to fill me, but unless I can keep that focus it only occurs a little at a time.

The hard part also for me is that as time goes on like it is now I see myself slipping into the world more and more. I guess I get comfortable with this and am beginning to become more like the things around me. A friend of mine Jacky, who has been gone for a while, recognized right away that I have changed. That I am becoming more like the rest of the people. During this conversation I asked Mohammad what he thought and he concurred, I have changed from the time that arrived until now. This has weighed a little on me. "Be in the world not of the world".

I am also smoking a pipe, at lunch, when I read. I will tell you the truth it is relaxing and far nicer than any cigerette or cigar I have ever smoked. I don't know how long and if this habit will remain but at this point it is here with me. Thats a change. I have also been, I guess the boss I should be. Not that I am bad or mean or anything, but I have had to become accustomed to working with my Boss. Also, I have had to be in some ways assertive and less helpful to the other groups. This is to counter the usery that other Department would have towards me in my helfulness.

These subtle changes, started I know when I returned from R&R, as I said. I determined in a sese that I needed to do the right thing for my Company and my department. I also to a certain extent needed to fit in to the society here. I guess as I said earlier enough for people to notice. So over time I guess the flesh becomes weak. For me thankfully I see it and I can fight against it or at least adjust accordingly but all of these things are wearing me down.

I am looking foward as I said before to my next R&R. On the short term I am looking forward to the move to the East Side. I am hopeful to be able to get back into my Spiritual habits and again being regularly filled by the Spirit. I will tell you the truth, man can't do it the way that the Lord can.

So anyway, pray for me. Pray for me in this transition and in the move. Pray that I can get connected back as I was before. Alos learn maybe from this and reflect to your own life. How do you react in different situations. Do your Spiritual habits change. Do you speak differently in different company? Does you circumstance change your Christianity? Can we even endure the simple things and remain strong on the hard things? That is the test of our walk.

Lord, help me through. Help me endure the struggles and change. Help me grow and change for the good, your good.