Falling Short On Love

I was thinking yesterday about love, again. It was on my mind mostly because it was Catherines Birthday and I just wasn't able to spend it with her as I would have liked to. So instead my mind was filled with thought s of her most of the day.


This morning, during my Bible reading it started to strike me that I have such an overwhelming emotional connection to her. That because of that this seperation hurts. That this was in affect how my love for her manifests itself in me so I can physically feel it. Some days every part of me hurts to have her close to me. It hurts so bad I just cry in hearing her voice or when I say words of coming back together.


As I sat here during the day, Sunday, I thought about this more. That this is the emotional connection that I should have with God. That I am seperated from Him and that these same emotional feelings that I have with Catherine I should feel towards Him. They must be the feelings that he has towards us now, this ache of love. He must have this longing to be back together with us. It must be the same hurt.

So then the big part of this, the question in my mind, the realization that I don't feel the same way towards God as I do about my wife. I don't love Him as much as I love her. I don't spend my days longing to reconnect with Him as I do her. I don't hurt and ache when I think about Him as with her. There is a problem with this. It does mean that I have some work to do.


See, we should have that burning love for God. We should feel, each moment, the seperation that exist and it should hurt. I should want to close the gap and recindle my love for Him as if I was a million miles away. It should be on my mind as much as Catherine is.

At this point, and with these thoughts I have identified some idolatry in my life. I have placed something before God, Catherine. I have made her more important than Him. It is part of the human condition and in reality sin. I have stopped short of reaching the Glory of God, in this case, with my Love and devotion. I hope you understand that this does not mean that I have to love Catherine less, only that I need to love God more.

So I have identified an issue, or the Spirit has revealed it to me, I have fallen short on love and must Love God more. This is great timing as I have felt that now is my time to prepare for my return home and for my Ministry. It has revealed deficit in my Faith that needs to be corrected. I need to fall in love with God so much that it hurts. I need to produce again the desire that I had before. I need to counteract the tough outer layer that has formed since I have been here.

I don't believe that this is an uncommon feeling with any of us. I have heard people in small groups and such, talking about such things. I have heard people talk abou spouses and other things that are just more important then God to them. I can't be the only one who feels that they are distant from God. I just think that as I was, many others are afraid to admitt this of themselves. We are afriad even in our relationships to admit things that hold us apart.

I also know that this is not Gods fault. His love for us has never failed. From the beginning He has given us the opportunity to be devoted to Him and to love Him like He loves us. Ultimately He did everything He could do to help us out, He gave His only Son for us. He gave His Son so that we had the means to fill the gap that was formed in the Fall. He must have just cried when He made that descsions. He must have ached so bad, like I do, that this became His ultimate and final descsison to bring us to Him.

The burdon now is on me, us, to move towards Him. I know the place I need to be. I know that He is there Loving me as I love Catherine but I just haven't set that burning desire in my heart to Love Him back in that way. This is hard for me to say, but it is the truth.

Lord, I am so far from where I was, but now, so far also from where I should be. Help me fall in love with you so much that it hurts, so much that all I seek is you.