Purpose Through the Pain

Purpose through the pain. This is the word that was given to me this morning as I sat and prayed. Purpose through the pain. I will tell you straight out that those words must be set in my heart or I will not make it to the end of this journey.

We are struggling, Catherine and I, everyday has its challenges for us. You may have noticed over the past few posts a change of sorts. Something that has been different. The thoughts of negativity, the attacks that we have been going through, the lonliness all have taken their toll on us. For us it is not easy at all and some days are unbearable.

I always attempt to be tottally transparent, so with that I will tell you how close I was to throwing in the towel. So close that I would have been home for Christmas if someone had said the right thing to me, anybody. I have looked into the tax consequences of a return. I have applied to jobs back home and I have reached out to people I know for work. That close to pulling the plug and returning to my safe place called home.

I have had great fellowship with my freinds. Several of them have spoken to me straight and not given me any selfish advise. Open and honest sharing when I have reached out to them in my need. Ethan, has been in this position before. He spent a year in Iraq undr much less favorable conditions in which I find myself. He bolstered my spirit with his cander.

Tony, my Brother Tony, He has been faithful to express to me what this time means in a Spiritual sense. He keeps me in the puersuit of God even in the tough times. He has a very good way of relating to me because out of anybody he knows me best.

Dad, very practicle and direct. My father does not over explain things and generally gives good direction on how to accomplish things. He did not stay say or go but definately helps keep things in good perspective.

Don, you called at a great time, out of the blue and when yes, I needed a word from a friend. Continue to follow the spirit because He was spot on with the timing on Thursday.

Frank, my most cherrished friend and Brother. You have spoken again into my heart. You pulled no punches and remianed obediant to God. You know me and through that knowledge related the path that I should take. This is Discipleship and Love. Not just saying nice easy things but the things that need to be said in the way they need to said.

So what am I getting at? Purpose through the pain. I must realize that I am here and the ultimate purpose is Gods. That He has brought me here and that I must remain and complete the task at hand. For Ctherine and I we can only hope that in the end we will know the purpose in Gods plan for all of this but in the mean to we continue.

For me I am a Leader and as such I will not have the same opportunity to be filled by others as I may give to them. That I will by my gifting, give more than I may ever recieve. That my sole filling is from the Lord and even at that He may chose to hold some back to drive me deeper towards Him. In that respect as I am so is the flock. As I waiver so do those around me, Chandel and Robert, Catherine and the children, some of you who may read this. I must realize that at this time I lead and in that leading wittness Christ Jesus in my life.

These words struck me and I expressed this to Catherine, that we will remain on track and that we will complete this mission. That I see the attack as equal to the enevitable final outcome. That the more I endure the stronger that it will become and in that I should find strength. Also that I must be strong so that Catherine may reamin strong. That We must rely on each other to press against so that we can endure. I would not look for her to plakate me but to only encourage.

For Catherine, her wittness will be in her support. Satan also wants her to fail so that I will fail. She must only stand strong and be a wittness to her support. She must fight the challenges that she faces and allow others around her to see her walk. She must also allow those around her to minister to her in her times of need and show with transperancy her walk.

We will purpose through the pain. We will endure and we will be stronger for the lord in the end. Pray for this for us.