Happy New Year

Well hopefully my first and last New Year out of the way here in Afghanistan. This was even easier than Christmas however not being able to kiss my wife at midnight is something that was missed for the first time in eighteen years. I wll have to kiss her twice next year.

Yesterday was a pretty nice day as we set up for the feast that we would have at supper. The Management had bought two goats to be cooked, one by the Phillipinos and one by the Indians. Also were steaks and chicken for the Americans. I enjoyed watching the preperations of each throughout the day each having a distinct difference based on the culture.

The Americans actually started on Thursday. David and Chief filled two garbage cans up, one with chicken and the second with steaks. To this was added A1 Sauce, Italian dressing and near beer. They allowed this all to marinate overnight to be cooked over a real wood BBQ.

The Indians had all of their ingrediants brought in from Harat. They have the unique andvantage of having a Regionally similar culture so they have resource available to them that the other cultures don't. They started their preparations early in the day, making sauces of mint and galic, cutting vegitables, and rubbing the goat down with all sorts of spices. Their goat would be roasted over the BBQ and cut up afterwards. By far they spent the most time creating several traditional dishes.

The Phillipinos, started late and finished first. No messing around here. They were preparing one goat for the camp and a second for themselves at another camp. I guess they wanted to get out early from where the rest of us were. Anyway, they chopped this goat into bite size pieces taking the fat out as the went. Bone and all into a big pot. This stewed a bit, pepper was added. Then pineapple, tomatoes, tomatoe paste, crackers, six cans of sprite and chillies. This stewed until served. The phillipinos left shortly after the last can of sprite was added.

As I had worked late on Thursday, sleeping in my clothes on top of my bed I had my shower and changed clothes at lunch. I figured that I would be refreshed for the meal and the preperations. The afternoon slowed down and it became more social, the cooks coking and people watching. The Americans played some dominos. The Indians began to gather a bit and the Philipinos, well they left the cook alone. I spent several occaison just sitting and watching, taking in the differences I saw, thanking God for it as I went along.

I noticed as the day wnet along that the groups remained very seperated. American, Middle Eastern and Phillipino. This is the reality here, that as much as you try to gather people together race differences keep them apart and keep each group closely together. It is not like America, the melting pot, each group has a distiction that they do not want to give up. It runs through each, they work together but do not play together. Social activity seperates them.

I stay mostly with the Indians, Singh the cook is one of my men and I have enjoyed his cooking on several occasions. I am most comfortable with these men, but more so their cooking was more diverse and I was interested in the mixtures and ingrediants. Singh also allows me to check often for the amount of salt in the dishes. No matter what I tell him he never adds to the dish. As the night worn on this group also became more socially involved in the cooking.

At one point when the preperations to cook the heart, liver and kidneys came. Their was some excitement. This is the choice meat and it get spiced heavily. In went several chilies and then to an uproar of hurahs a bag of chilli powder. This then was allowed to reduce. At the opportune time Singh offered me the first taste, a nice hunk of liver. Warning me of the heat I proceeded to take a bite. Oh what wonderful taste, the heat not overwhelming, eyes fixated on me to se if it would be too much. MMMMaaaa! "Singh, that is wonderful"

Just as the rice was cooking, Boooom! A very large explosion to the south. Like normal the cooking continued. The rice got stirred then BOOOM! Second explosion, now the bunker call went out and we all ran, leaving the food in place on the fire.

Within five minutes or so the radio call came out that the Italians had expoloded some large flares or something and it was "All Clear". Back to the cooking, the bottom of the rice a little crisp from the lack of sturring but overall not so bad.

At this time all was ready to eat. The food was moved around to the Operations conference room in the front and the lined formed up to get their take. There was a tremendous number of middleastern men as they don't often get traditiona Indian cooking here. Most meals are geared for the American Soldier. We moved slowly in through the door until entering the room to get your food. Steak, goat, rice and beans all was delicious.

I was reflecting on what I saw yesterday. I thanked God fo rthe opportunity to share the New YEar with all of these people from all over the world. I was able to see differences in tradition and in interaction. I wittnessed the social aspects of each culture and the unsocial aspects of each. It is all part of the experience that God is bringing me through. It is all part of something He wants me to see. How that will fit together one day into His plan, I shall see.

I also thought, of course about home, about my family and their day. What I was missing and what I would be doing if I were there. I turned this though this morning as the sun rose again, that He has me here, right where he wants me. That He is providing for me and that I am in His keep. I prayed that I could set this in my heart for the New Year. That I could just remember one thing each day to surrender to Him and let Him continue to guide my path. He has done alright so far.

Happy New Year all.

Lord, may this year, and every year of my life be given up to you. That I may surrender fully to your will and allow myself to enjoy the life and things that you have in store for me.

Turning the Day Around.

Yesterday ended up being crazy for me. It started off very well but slipped away around lunch. It was funny that in the morning I posted how normal things have been, spiritually, physical, emotionally. Everything was just fine.

About a half hour after the post, I had this overwhelming feeling that I had not given my writing my all. That in some way I had failed you, the reader, by not allowing the Spirit to work through me and give you something worthwhile. The message in my head was failure.

This I recogognized as not a good place to be again. I immediately began to walk and speak with God about it. Working thorugh in my head and heart where I was. I knew that the feeling wasn't right and I turned in the right direction.

After returning to my desk I did the next thing that I find helpful for me, I started to write emails to family and close friends. My wife was the first. For her she recieves the most inner thoughts that I have. I call them random emails for her, and she never responds to them formally. In them, I feel as if I am giving testimony to her. Keeping her close to what is going on with me. I believe that over these past few months these emails have served to keep us close as husband and wife.

The next email was to my accountability group. A open email to all of the men which I laid out to them some of the things I needed them to be in prayer for and to help facilitate our accountability. Again, this also serves as a testimony of sorts and to clear my heart of some of the garbage.

The last two emails were tpo my children. Just things I think about for each one of them, encouragement and expressions of love. When you conduct parental rights over the phone you miss out on the physical aspects of it. It is hard to hug your children from so far away so every now and then I have to write my hugs out in words. I also trry to say important things in case I don't have another chance. I want my last thought stto them to be positive and memorable.

At lunch I descided that the best thing to do would be to fellowship with friends so I set myself to go to the Chapel and sit with Richard. Just before leaving Rosvund, my new Logistics Coordinator, came to speak with me. As we talked I mentioned that I was going to the Chapel and he asked if he could come with me. Sure, why not, thinking that God was giving me opportunity. He wanted to see what it was like.

Within a minute or two Rosvund stated that he had heard me say to somebody that I was Christian, not Catholic. He explained that he to was a Christian, and Catholic Orthodox Christian and he was wondering why I made the distiction. As we walked I began to speak about Constantine and the Roman Empirer. Then I moved into Luther and the Reformation. Grace by faith verses works. This conversation brought us to the Chapel where Richard was just opening the door.

We all sat for a while and the conversation continued as to the differences and similarities to our faiths. All the while it was nice and reassuring. In a big way this was what my heart needed, and opportunity to share and share openly with others. This is Discipleship and wittness and I believe that when you are in the midst of this and the Spirit is leading the conversation it is just wonderful.

In the end, as Rosvund was going to get lunch, I told them both about my day. how it had started of ok but just before lunch I felt off, that I was having a little attck and I needed to work through the isssues. With this I had started off by confessing and opening up my heart to those that were close to me. I poured out to them as trusted friends. Then I descided to go and have some Discipleship and fellowship and without warning Rosvund came up and then came along having a great conversation of faith with him to boot. All of this I explained was a gift from God as I walked in faithfulness to Him. Nothing huge but a gift to help uplift me.

I thanked them both and then Rosvund left. Richard and I were able to speak for a while and had again a good conversation like we had had in the past. He is actually getting ready to leave in March along with the rest of the Unit, Chaplin Johnson included so our time is becoming limited. We finished up lunch time and said our so longs.

The day turned around, it became very busy and it was very triing on me. The best laid plans for my part of the move from the West Side fell apart. Through it I worked however and by 930 last night had accomplished a lot of the move that I needed to get done. It was rewarding but wearing. I am glad however that I had shed the garbage and turned to God. I was able to stay focussed and do what I do, solve issues and move things. I am thankful to Him that I was able also to see blessing that he had. Also glad that I stuck it to Statn a bit.

Lord, thank you for the guiding hand that you offer all of us. We can either choose to follow it, looking towards you, or not. We can walk in our garbage or get rid of it appropriately. May we all, Follow you.

Just Normal.

Today I have sat and thought awahile on something to write. I meditated a bit and even prayed but I really have nothing pressingon my mind that just needs to come out in words. I figure this may be a blessing, kinda an indication of a center point in my soul. Nothing overly wrong and nothing overly right.

In general the last couple of weeks has been good. Having the correct outlook on my life and my walk is so very important. Since Catherine and I have purposed to complete this year and to Glorify God in what we are doing, my general condition has remained consistant and pleasant. I also believe just seeing the year as on its way to its conclusion has helped also in this. Spirtual I am consistant with prayer, Bible reading, fellowship and wittnessing. The balance is back more like it was before my last R&R and I certainllly feel the difference.

So this tells me that part of our, my responsibility as a Christian is to have consistant purposefully walk and life. That I have a part to play in what is going on in my life and how that facilitates a consistant walk. If I have a negative outlook on my situation, see nothing but the length of the road or the terrain that I have to travel then in the negative I will remain. Conversly if I keep a good attitude and realize the journey but enjoy the surroundings as I walk then the time is enjoyable.

Likewise if my conversations with God are complaints and negative regarding where I am at the I remain as a victim and don't acknowllege the journey God may have me on. I won't see the things of beuty that he wants me to see and all I do is drag everything down. I imagine I soundd like the child in the back seat of the car, about an hour into a three hour drive asking when we would be there.

So anyway, I feel just fine. The days are productive and I am not wining to God. I have enough spirtual defenses up to prtect myself from the evil one and I am just moving along. As I said to my father, I am on easy time now. Easy time.

Let me through the lesson out there then. Based on a little personal reflection. Don't be the complaining kid in the back seat. Enjoy the journey and look at what God places in front of you to look at. Take from it what you can, give what you can back to Him and move on. This is not to say that you can't sing a song sometimes or stop to use the rest room, if you get my drift, but realize that it is all part of the journey.

Lord, thanks for the car ride. Hope I haven't annoyed you to much in the past. I am looking forward to the rest of this and spending time with you until we reach our destination.

Some Prayer

I had a conversation, via text, with Melanie today. Her husband is in Afghanistan as a soldier and is preparing to be home in about two months. Yesterday his unit hit and IED on a roadway and some soldiers were injured. This of course causes some anxiety for the loved ones.

Our conversation focussed on the worry that comes from the situations that we are in here and on our families being back home. I explained that for Catherine and I we have never worried about something happening as we have set in our hearts that this, nme being here, is all part of Gods will. As long as I try to Glorify Him I will remain in His will. In death or life this is our goal.

So without getting into details, and to tell you the truth I am rushed today for my post. I ask today for all that read this to pray for Gods will in my life and in all the soldiers and families lives. For to be in Gods will, no matter what the circumstance is the best place that any of us can be.

Thank you to all you who answer this request.

Goodbye to Chandel

I have a feeling that may be the last time I see Chandel in Afghanistan. He has left for an emergency R&R tonight. His flight left for Kandahar at 2030 and he was on the way out as he ran into my tent to say goodbye.

On Thursday last week he had stopped by to talk to me. It had been the first time in a while that we had actually spoke to one another. He had felt that I was angry at him for the issues that we had around the move and me placing him with the water trucks.

While we spoke he told me that he was planning to take an emergency R&R back home. He was planning an R&R in February but had become extremely home sick and was looking to go now. He expressed that he would be back but the look in his face told me differently.

Last night as he was saying his goodbyes I asked him if he were coming back. He paused and then said he did not think so. He would see how it went but didn't think he would come back. My heart sank a bit, a lot maybe. But at that point all I could do was uplift him. I understood the feelings he was having as I have gone through it myself and knew that he would have to descide for himself.

I asked if we could pray and we did. I prayed for him and his travels, for our friendship and his heart. I prayed that we would see each other again and that he would have strength in his faith as he went home as a New Christian, alone. After the prayer I spoke to him about his journey. About how he would need to be strong and that Satan would look to derail him from his path. I spoke about how one day I hoped to see him again, if not here then in heaven.

He took my email address, and said that he would keep up with me. He also said that the sweater that his wife knitted for me was finished and that he would be sending it to me when he got home. We hugged and he left.

I sat and thought for a while if I had done all that I could do for him. I thpought if I had given him everything I could. I was saddened that we had lost valuable time by allowing some of the worldly things come in our way. I can remember the zeal that we bioth had, and how that had run out and we became just, normal I guess. I also thought that in all likley hood I will never see him again. That for me to arrange and travle to his home would be only by Gods grace. I thought that I was losing my friend.

About a half hour later he returned and said he was leaving for his flight. I gave him another hug and wished him well. "Ok, sir, goodbye". I never thought that I would be watching him leave. I thought that I would be first but that now would not be the case.

Chandel is one of the gentlest men I know. His heart was pure. He had never drank, or smoked, or gambled. I never saw him more angry then to just simply look away from you. Never saw him engauge in any type of verbal confrontation. If God were to chose a man to do his work, then Chandel should be His first pick. A man that for most purposes was what I imagine Jesus would be like.

I will miss Chandel. I hope that one day through Him the Lord will be glorified. That he becomes the seed planted in his home that becomes the tree that all can rest under.

Lord, watch over this dear man. Bless his life.

James 4:13-17

Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money". Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, "If the Lord's will, we will live and do this and that". As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins.

We found out yesterday that one of our fellow workers in Kandahar was kiiled on Christmas Day at 7:00 pm. While sitting at his desk a rocket hit just outside his office causeing severe injuries which he later died from. He either did not hear the alarm or ignored it, in any event the results were tragic. This brings hom ethe reality of what we are all involved here in Afghanistan, war!

When I came to Afghanistan I signed up for a one year contract. I would be paid a tremendous amount of money for that one year. Enough money in fact that we can save a good portion of it and I will be able to take next year off from full time work and be able to concentrate on my studies and hopefully get my Graduate Certificate completed. This was great motivation and as we had prayed Gods will for our lives I feel as if this path is the path that I should be on.

As I read James this morning and the quoted section in paticular of course it stuck me as to the similarity to what I am doing here in Afghanistan. "tomorrow go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." So like any other person would I thought about this. I thought about the purpose for me being here. With out a doubt part of it is to carry on business and make money. Is this ok, I thought?

"You don't even know what will happen tomorrow" the next line reads. I don't! You don't! Nobody does except God. The man that was killed on Christmas didn't either. His hopes were probably very similar to most. To spend a year and make money. Then in an instant that changed. "You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes." So I don't know any better than the next guy what will happen tomorrow.

So does this mean that I should pack it in and not have any plans of my own. Should I take this verse at face value and think that what I see coming out of this year doesn't matter and that what I am doing is wrong. Absolutely not. "Instead you ought to say, If the Lord's will, we will live and do this and that." This is where our hearts come into play, our motivation and our faith. this is where the Spirit dwells and guides us through each day. If we, I can truly say that it is the Lord's will that I am here, then I will live with that faith of Gods will in whatever I do.

Some will say that we should not make plans of our own. That I should not think ahead to the future as that is making plans for God, don't make plans for God. But this is different, you can have plans as long as you give them to God and make them useful for Him and not just yourself. "As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil." We can not do these things for ourselves and when we think that we are then we sit in the shadow of eveil. We fall into the trap of forgetting about God because of our pride.

"Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins." This is where, in all of our work, we make a choice as to why we do it. If we are to have individual gain based on own pride. If we are to look to profit only in worldly ways. If we only think of ourselves as we "carry on business and make money" then we have forgotten God and we are doing the wrong thing. We are sinning.

Our purpose in all that we do is to realize that we are here to serve God. to be obediant to Him and to follow Jesus Christ on a daily basis. That as we work and make money, that our hearts are set on that Glory for which we can bring God with our work. That in our plans we always keep in mind that we are simply living our lives for Him. That He allows us to experience this world. That He wants us to live and be happy. that ulimately all things are His, and His plans reign supreme and that he makes the final descisions on everything.

I will spend my year here trying to glorify Him as much as I possibly can. I will take the profit that comes from my labor and seek to use it to Glorify Him more completely in the future. I will lay my plans and ernestly seek to give them to Him. I will know that at anytime He may seek to use me or my life in a tottaly different way. That in an instant it could all end as the mist as the sun rises. And in the end, I can hopefully say that I did what I ought to do and did not sin by boasting in myself.

Lord, watch over me as I work here in Afghanistan. Give my heart rest and my family rest that you are in control of everything. Allow my heart to always be seeking to Glorify you in all that I do and wherever I may be. Amen.

Hebrews 11:6

"And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and the He rewards those who ernestly seeks Him". Hebrews 11:6

You can look at this verse in several ways. We can see it frm the standpoint of those that don't have faith in Him. You can look at it in that you can say that you believe in God but that you don't follow His word, the I'm a good person excuse. you can look at it from the point of view of those that do have faith in Him, His existance and that He rewards you if you ernestly seek Him. the last being the most appropriate for the verse, of course.

I like this because I have ben thinking about times when I sin and feel that I have really screwed up. That I then allow Satan to work around me and have me question my faith. You know the thought, I am not a good Christian because I faiiled or something must be wrong that I can't follow along without messing up. If you let it this can lead you to self condemnation.

But I do have Faith in Gods existance. I believe that He is in control of everything that happens and either causes or allows all. I believe the Bible as the inspired Word of God that is given as the progressive revelation of Him. I believe that Jesus Christ came as the Messiah, God with us, to be without sin and to die on the Cross for payment of all sin. I believe that my faith in Jesus Christ and this attoning death is what allows me to recieve Gods Grace and thus I am saved from my sin. I believe that God looks opon Jesus death as payment and does not thereofre look at my sin for my sin. I ernestly seek to follow Jesus Christ as my example of how I should live my life.

So in the times when I do mess up I can think of this verse and instead of thinking that I have failed know that I am ernestly seeking Him. That I can ask for forgivness and repent, setting it opon my heart to change and do things better the next time. Ernestly seking God involves a cotinuios process a condition of the heart that doesn't rest on where we are at now but where we will be later. That we Hope for the better things to come. You may say that this is a fault of the Christian that they believe they are better than everyone else, No I just believe that through God I can be better myself.

As I ernestly seek Him He will reward me. He will watch over me and work me into His plans. As my life changes and I walk more as Christ walks God will allow blessings in my life. He will bring me to places of revelations and times when I can overcome sin when normally I couldn't. Rewards of heaven, not of man. When I ernestly seek Him He sees my heart and knows that I am in pain when I fail Him. He knows these things because He is God.

So for the other two ways of looking at this verse. Saying you believe in Him and not doing what He asks you to do is not belief, not even close. If you believe than you will do. Being half way is not enough. If you believe but don't ernestly, with your heart, seek him then it won't be good enough. You are just walking around the outside and possibly just afraid to give up or admitt your failings, even to God.

You are basically going to have to make a descision at some point to either beive in God, have faith in His word and ernestly following Him as He wants yopu to or you can just descide not to. You know the outcome of either descsion the choice is yours, that is your free will at work. But you must not just sit on the fence it will not work. It is a yes or no question, maybes will not do. So evaluate your heart, check it against Gods Word and see if you are trying to have continious improvement in your life based on the standards taht God has set. If not, sorry, your eternal destination will be set until you do.

Lord, help us all check our hearts and ernestly look at where we are at. Your way is pure and righteous and you offer all who ernestly seek you heavenly rewards. Thank you for your word and faithfulness. Amen

Merry Christmas

Christmas Day, Afghanistan. I am not one hundered percent sure how I feel yet today. At this point in the morning it is still Christmas Eve back home and my family is just tucking themselves in to bed. My children, Harrison and Anna must have minds wondering what will be in store for them when they wake up. We probably all remember the feeling of excitment that comes with the day.

For me, I opened my gifts last evening around 1830 with my family on the phone back home. It was nice but it is definately not the same as being with them. I went to diner with a couple of the guys and afterwards went to the Chapel for the 2000 Christian Service. They sang lots of songs and then Pastor Johnson gave his Sermon. We ended with exiting the Chapel and having a candle light singing of Silent Night out under the stars. It was very humbling for me.

I will wait now for my family and friends to rise so that I can join them for their Christmas day. I am not sad, yet, as I thought I would be. I didn't cry last night and I fell good this morning. I think it is due to the words that Catherine gave me, that this was the day of Christs birth. We should celebrate what this means for us, the salvation to come through Faith in Him. This is a glorious day.

God sent the Lord to start His life as a baby, dependant on His Mother Mary and Father Joseph for all His needs. He did not send a King, a ruler to lord over all things through might and force but a baby that must live a humble life as a boy and then a man. Nothing, about Him was what was expected by the Religious men of the time. They had placed their hopes in a Messiah that fullfilled their own worldly desires of lordship and Gods power.

A humble man they did not expect but that is what they recieved. The wisdom of God is infinate and you see the wisdom in this birth. The Gospel starts at the birth as an example of what is to come. It starts at the birth with its message of humility, grace and love. We see the fullfillment of the prophecies of old and the joy of the Magi who have waited for their Messiah to come. We see the the conflict that is to come from those who seek worldly power such as Herod against the power of the everlasting Lord.

If you look you also will see the amzing heavenly detail that is in the Bible. You see old and new come together, the propgecies and the fullfillment, the religious and the faithful, the worldy and the spiritual. You see not just the writing of men but you see the hand of God, you see God in every detail, if you look.

The Birth of Christ is the beginning of the Christian Faith. It is the point where God decided to show His Grace, His wonderment. God created in that moment the key to our Salvation that fit so perfectly into His plan from the begining. All we have to do is hold onto that key.

So as Catherine had pointed out to me, today is a celebration of the birth of our Savior. A time to rejoice and fill our hearts with all the things of God. For He has worked out a plan for our Salvation if we choose to follow it.

Merry Christmas everyone.

Christmas Eve.

I have thought long and hard today about what to write for this Christmas Eve and have drawn a blank for the most part. I began to write another Blog and decided just to save it and move on. The thought that keeps coming to mind is, just wish everyone a Merry Christmas. So here you are..

Merry Christmas Catherine, Harrison and Anna, my wonderful and supportive family.
Merry Christmas Mom and Dad. Thank you also for your tremendous support.
Merry Christmas Gail and Joe. You are so very special to me and I thank you for everything.
Merry Christmas to Brian, Cheryl, and Jeff.
Merry Christmas Lisa, Paul and Barbra.
Merry Christmas Frank and Susan.
Merry Christmas Ethan, Steve Chris and Gary.
Merry Christmas Tony.
Merry Christmas Rosanne
Merry Christmas to all of you at BCC whom I miss so dearly.
Merry Christmas to all of my other relatives and friends.

Remember all, that tomorrow our Savior was born. He came as a man to live among us and to know us. He later died to save us all. Give thanks to Him who will or has saved you.

And to all, a good night!

Michael

Freedom in Death

As you may have read I have been reading "Bonhoeffer" by Eric Metaxas. This is a fabulous Biography about Detriech Bonhoeffer who lived and died during the rise of Adolf Hitler and the Nazi Party.


The following is primarily quoted straight out of the book. It struck me very vividly how this man lived his life and how deep his faith ran. I draw some very thin parralels to his circumstance but see a great gap when it comes to his faith. You see, Bonheoffer lived his life believing that he was in the hands of God. That life was a gift from God that was to be lived to its fullest. That we were to be Chritians and obediant to God while engauging in the things of this world. That we were not supposed to try to avoid the things around us buit to allow God to work through us in those situations for his glory.



One of his early sermons is quoted just below. I ask that it is read slowly and that you think about what Bonhoeffer is saying here. What these words say about his faith and his outlook on the promises of God.



"No one has yet believed in God and the Kingdom of God, no one has yet heard about the realm of the resurrected, and not been homesick from that hour, waiting and looking forward joyfully to being released from the bodily existance.



Whether we are young or old makes no difference. What are twenty or thirty or fifty years in the sight of God? And which of us knows how near he or she may already be to the goal? That life only really begins when it ends here on earth, that all that is here is only the prologue before the curtain goes up - that is for the young and old alike to think about. Why are we so afraid when we think about death? Death is only dreadful for those who live in dread and fear of it. Death is not wild and terrible, if only we can can be still and hold fast to God'sWord. Death is not bitter, if we have not become bitter ourselves. Death is grace, the greatest gift of grace thatGod gives to people who believe in Him. Death is mild, death is sweet and gentle; it beckons to us with heavenly power, if only we realize that it is the gateway to our homeland, the tabernacle of joy, the everlasting kingdom of peace.



How do we know that dying is so dreadful? Who knows whether, in our human fear and anguish we are only shivering and shuddering at the most glorious, heavenly, blessed event in the world?



Death is hell and night and cold, if it is not transformed by our faith. But that is just what is so marvelous, that we can transform death."



Bonhoeffer, was imprisoned by the Nazis for his involvement in a plot to kill Hitler. In the final weeks of his life, and near the end of the war against Germany, Bonhoeffer was transfered to Flossenburg Prison. There he would die just after Easter. Flossenburg Prison Doctor, H. Fischer - Hullstrung gave the following account of Bonhoeffers last moments alive.



"Through the half opened door in one room of the huts I saw Pastor Bonhoeffer, before taking off his prison garb, kneeling on the floor praying fervently to his God. I was most deeply moved by the way this lovable man prayed, so devout and so certain that God heard his prayer. At the place of execution, he again said a short prayer and then climbed the steps to the gallows, brave and composed. His death ensured after a few seconds. In the almost fifty years that I worked as a Doctor, I have hardly ever seen a man die so entirely submissive to the will of God."



Bonhoeffer died as he lived, as an example of his faith. He believed with every ounce of his being that God was in control of everything. His relationship with God was evident in everthing including the moment of his death. When you compare the words of his early sermon and the description of his death he died believing that his death was the beginning of his life in heaven. He died as a faithful Christian.



How many of us long for that type of faith? To be so sure that nothing would cause us to drop our head in sorrow. Even I get now get overwhelmed with thoughts of sorrow for my situation when he only saw them as Gods will. How can there be any sorrow if we truly believe in God? How would there be any fear if our hearts were sure? We are to strive for that relationship, strive for that freedom. We are to be so sure in our faith that in our last moments we pray, and look up, and watch as the door is opened and our Lord looks to welcome us.



Continue to dive as deep as you can into your faith. Heed the calling and trust in the Lords salvation and the glory that God has set aside for us. Know that you are saved. Know that you are His. Know that you will live for ever at the right hand of the Father. Know this and be free.



Father, thank you. Father form me into this character, the character of unwielding faith. Move me into your depths and allow me to trust you fully. Do that for all that have even the slightest faith in you.

Enjoy Christmas.

Christmas. The celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior. If you see this Holiday as anything other than that then you must evaluate where you are at, what you expect from your life and what will come for you after you have died. For if you see anything other than the Messiah then you will missed the message of the Gospel and Grace offered by God through Faith in who he was and what happened on the cross.

God in His soverenty laid plans from the beginning to allow us to make a choice. To allow us to be with Him eternally and to be sanctified through Jesus Christ. The Old Testiment is full of the prophecies pointing us to the coming Savior. The lives of so many are recorded for us to have wittness to the God of all creation and to His plans to defeat sin in His creation. Step by step we see His plans fullfilled all colminating in the moment of Jesus's birth.

So many today fail to see this miracle as anything more than fiction. So many have hardened hearts and want only to live their lives as they see fit because it is nice and easy. They have what they need, everything that they want so what more would be offered from God. Oh they may say that there is a God, our inharent nature knows there is something bigger than us. But their sin keeps them from accepting fully that Christ suffered and died for them and their sin.

We long as humans always something better. We work for raises so we can have more and nicer things. We want good food and play time, toys that consume our time. Hobbies that fill our need for something more or offer just an escape from the reality of our lives. We drink to relax and get drunk to party. We idolize our heros, and wish in our hearts to be more like them. We are in a constant state of movement which is never happy enough to be satisfied. This is sin. Sin is not just the things that are wicked and disgusting.

As humans however we hold to the idea of free will. We want to do things our way. We believe that we will have time to give ourselves to God and that we can just do what we want in the mean time. You can, however choose who and what are you doing things for and who are you giving the glory to? Yes you work hard and make a lot of money. Where did your ability and opportunity come from and what do you do with the extra that has been provided? Your life is good and you stand on that you made it on your own. But can't in just an instant it can turn bad? Who then do you blame and whom do you turn for help?

We have free will, to either choose to set in our heart the things of God, all the things of God, or not. We have the right to think that we did it on our own, or that we did it becasue God allowed us to do it. We can choose to be a willing participant in Gods plan or just keep believeing in ourselves. We can know that all of our lives have purpose or that in the end it meant nothing. The choice is always ours.

So back to Christmas. You have a choice to participate in the idolitry of the Holiday. The buying of exstravigant gifts, maybe beyond your means. The Celebrations that have nothing to do with the Birth and everything to do with the celebration of success and wealth. Nothing in your heart except if the gifts and clothes and stuff is good enough, not a hint of the Savior coming to earth. No thought of the possibility that acceptance of the Messiah will fullfill all of your other needs. No thought that knowing this baby and what He ultimate does on the cross for you will make all of your efforts worth something, making them for the Glory of God.

Make this Christmas a celebration of God and of the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ. Give the gifts with the same love that God gives the gift of salvation through Jesus. Sit, reflect, and thank God for His plans for your life, the life of your children and the Life of His son. Place in your heart all things for Him and thank Him for them. Enjoy Christmas but enjoy it for the right reason, the Messiah Jesus Christ.

Breakfast With the Seargent.

Just a quick little happening from this morning. I was in the DFAC this morning sitting at a table alone and a Sgt. who I have known for a while now came walking down towards me smiled and asked to sit down. Sure I said, have at it.

Now in my mind I was thinking, oh no, not him. See this Sgt has visited me several times regarding the Bus Mission here on the base. He had several issue sthat he wanted resolved and he always was very forceful and kinda in your face. Not that he was to hard to handle but still very aggressive.

The main issue was that he at one time got very angry at one of my drivers. He felt that the driver was not driving properly. That he was not controlling the other people on the bus properly and that he was eating potatoe chips instead of watching the road. The problem was that he took matters into his own hands and scared the driver by going around to the front of the bus and opening the door. He then proceeded to yell at him and then slam the door.

Now the subsequent investigation, the Major wanted a name so he could discipline who ever it was. We had no way of knowing as we had not gotten a name of the Soldier. Well as fate would have it, the day I was shaving my head, the this Sgt had come to complain about the driver a few night before he had yelled at. Here was the guy I was looking for and he was now describing in detail what he did. This is where my concern comes in. He used terms such as your little foriegn bus driver, and that na ne na ja language they speak. The whole tone of the conversation stunk of bigetry. Well, needless to say, I turned him in to the Major and they were looking to discipline him.

Now I was eating breakfast and here he came, sitting down and joining me. I thought that the conversation would be about the situation I described above. I held my breath and waiting. surprisingly it moved to religion and Christianity. We spoke a bit about our lives and things such as Discipleship and small groups. What kept popping in my head though was that this man was also a biggot. He was a Christian and a biggot. This kept striking me as odd.

Now you can't be both according to the Bible. You can't love your white nieghbor and not your Phillipino nieghbor it just doesn't work. He talked about the Gospel but it didn't match up to his language and attitude. Lots of this was just not computing in my mind.

Anyway, we made it through the conversation without him wanting to kill me for turning him in to his command. We actually had a nice conversation regarding our faith. Shook hands and parted ways. I just kept thinking that there was a problem here. How many others have this view. How many other Christians act this way, saying one thing and doing another. How many times do I do it and do people see it. Wow, what if in some way I am like him. What if you are?

Following Christ and applying the Gospel to our lives are essential to being a Chritian. We can not read the commands of Jesus and then not try to put them into practice in our lives. We can not hear on Sunday to hold our tongue and then swear like a Sgt. the rest of the week. We can't see the love of Jesus for us and then not give that same love to others. It just isn't right. We are called to have practical application into our lives. Nothing else will do.

Look at yourself and ask, as I ask myself, where am I at. Am I saved and a follower of Christ or am I not. Did I slip back and need to ask for forgivness or do Ijust think it is ok to sin. Assess this and adjust your heart, adjust your life as necessary.

Lord, I pray for my life and others, that we may be examples of you in all things. That we set in our heart all of your commands and live our lives accordingly.

Falling Short On Love

I was thinking yesterday about love, again. It was on my mind mostly because it was Catherines Birthday and I just wasn't able to spend it with her as I would have liked to. So instead my mind was filled with thought s of her most of the day.


This morning, during my Bible reading it started to strike me that I have such an overwhelming emotional connection to her. That because of that this seperation hurts. That this was in affect how my love for her manifests itself in me so I can physically feel it. Some days every part of me hurts to have her close to me. It hurts so bad I just cry in hearing her voice or when I say words of coming back together.


As I sat here during the day, Sunday, I thought about this more. That this is the emotional connection that I should have with God. That I am seperated from Him and that these same emotional feelings that I have with Catherine I should feel towards Him. They must be the feelings that he has towards us now, this ache of love. He must have this longing to be back together with us. It must be the same hurt.

So then the big part of this, the question in my mind, the realization that I don't feel the same way towards God as I do about my wife. I don't love Him as much as I love her. I don't spend my days longing to reconnect with Him as I do her. I don't hurt and ache when I think about Him as with her. There is a problem with this. It does mean that I have some work to do.


See, we should have that burning love for God. We should feel, each moment, the seperation that exist and it should hurt. I should want to close the gap and recindle my love for Him as if I was a million miles away. It should be on my mind as much as Catherine is.

At this point, and with these thoughts I have identified some idolatry in my life. I have placed something before God, Catherine. I have made her more important than Him. It is part of the human condition and in reality sin. I have stopped short of reaching the Glory of God, in this case, with my Love and devotion. I hope you understand that this does not mean that I have to love Catherine less, only that I need to love God more.

So I have identified an issue, or the Spirit has revealed it to me, I have fallen short on love and must Love God more. This is great timing as I have felt that now is my time to prepare for my return home and for my Ministry. It has revealed deficit in my Faith that needs to be corrected. I need to fall in love with God so much that it hurts. I need to produce again the desire that I had before. I need to counteract the tough outer layer that has formed since I have been here.

I don't believe that this is an uncommon feeling with any of us. I have heard people in small groups and such, talking about such things. I have heard people talk abou spouses and other things that are just more important then God to them. I can't be the only one who feels that they are distant from God. I just think that as I was, many others are afraid to admitt this of themselves. We are afriad even in our relationships to admit things that hold us apart.

I also know that this is not Gods fault. His love for us has never failed. From the beginning He has given us the opportunity to be devoted to Him and to love Him like He loves us. Ultimately He did everything He could do to help us out, He gave His only Son for us. He gave His Son so that we had the means to fill the gap that was formed in the Fall. He must have just cried when He made that descsions. He must have ached so bad, like I do, that this became His ultimate and final descsison to bring us to Him.

The burdon now is on me, us, to move towards Him. I know the place I need to be. I know that He is there Loving me as I love Catherine but I just haven't set that burning desire in my heart to Love Him back in that way. This is hard for me to say, but it is the truth.

Lord, I am so far from where I was, but now, so far also from where I should be. Help me fall in love with you so much that it hurts, so much that all I seek is you.

Rest In The Valley

One RLB (Container divided into four living spaces) left on the West Side and the major work of moving the camp will be completed. From that point on I will just need to move all of the insignificant things. Equipment, bunkers, oil drums and such things as that will all have to come over but nobody cares about an oil drum. So with that I am looking forward to the peace and quiet that will come.

The Camp is growing so fast also now that we are here, on the East Side. When we began to move we had three hundred and sixty people. Yesterday, fifteen days later, we had four hundred and thirty nine. Five hundred and twenty five are assigned to the camp and will be here soon. Every morning our office tent is like grand central. of new people as we try to sort them out and get their paperwork done. Sometimes I pause and think that it is almost like people trading, like they are just bodies to fill a need.

With the growth comes some strain. In the initial days there were approximately three hundred people over here. At the same time there were only three Porta Johns, one for woman only. There are also only two shower units with the woman having to drive to the Military showers. Between these two units only one really gives you hot water, the other just warm. The tent space is also limited and most open space is only on top bunks. I am actually staying in the bunk of a man who is on R&R and when he returns I will top bunk it for a while. Everyone is in the same boat.

I am in a holding pattern I feel right now. It is strange to me how everything has come together in such a way right at the half way mark of my time here. The camp move from West to East side. The decline of my close bond with Chandel. The increased employees and business that I have with the position that I have. The holidays. Catherines Birthday. The attacks both Spiritually and personally, everything seems at once. Truly though, except for some weakness here and there I have maintained myself and content with where I am at, in the desert.

I have been thinking alot about this place, the personal desert that I am in. What it may be and when I will come out of it. I am pondering the several possibilities, trying to leave them in Gods hands. One that I may have experienced what I needed to to understand the realities of this world, the positions that some find themselves in. That I have lived in Small community. Developed Discipleship and small groups, and lived in the open to all those around me. That now may be the time for me to prepare for my return home. That over the next six months is the time for me to go deeper with the Lord.

This is all speculation on my part. Of course all plans made by man are speculation but I will and do have a responsibility for myself and the Lord to be ready for His service as He calls me. I have focussed so intently on the others around me here that in a way I have not done anything for myself. On the other hand the focuss on others has grown me in ways I would have never imagined at home. If you can see it as I do, the is a duplicity to my life in many ways. Here and home. Self and others. My plans and His. They will all fit together in the end, as perfectly as He has them.

I do not have the answer at this point. No great revelation as to where God wants me to go. But what I do know is that my heart is set on Him. That through all of the struggles that lay ahead and all that I have been through, my purpose has always been to try, as best as I can to Glorify Him, to be a light and to be transparent to you all. In this I know that I am in His will and that all things will work together for His good.

So piggy backing on the post from yesterday, I believe that I have walked into the valley. I have seen the big picture from above and gotten an idea of the landscape. As I have moved down the big picture has become indivdual details for me to focus on. As I spend time here now I can enjoy the fruit, I can look to be strengthened in rest. I can fellowship and not stress with the weight of the journey and then at some time descide to walk back up the slopes or move along the stream but either way it will be good.

Lord, may I walk through the Valley now. May I find the rest that you offer. May my thirst be quenched by your streams of living water. May I find wisdom and peace in your word and in the end may the strength that is revived in me hieghten your glory.

The Half Way Mark

I would like to start off by saying that today is my wife Catherines Birthday. I would like to wish her all the best for this day. I used to miss alot of occasions such as this because I just didn't care enough to make it important. Today, I would do anything to be with her to help celebrate the occasion and I can't. So the most I can do for you Catherine is think of you, our love and give thanks to the Lord for both. Happy Birthday.
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I have made it! Half way through my contract in Afghanistan. As much to go as I have completed. Hump day. I have made it to the Wednesday of my year here and am looking forward to the weeked. You get the picture I think. I have come to a point where I look to the completion of this all.

I was pondering what visual to use for the Blog. The mountain top seemed most appropriate at first. I have climbed to the top and now it is all down from here. That was the first thought but what about all the things that I have experienced? What about all that may come? I don't want to necessarily think of this at this point as I am at the peak of this adventure. That the best is right now. Its all down hill from here is determined from perspective.

Maybe I have gone into a Valley. I have started at a point where I was full of zeal and expectation for what the Lord was doing. I was walking tall and was being a Super Missionary and as time has gone on I have weakend. Maybe I am where I am now because I have run out of motivation and steam. Being in the valley has it benefits, protection and fruit, green pasture and water. But I may still need to climb out the other side. I can't see that far ahead.

The Valley may even be a time for me to strengthen my walk with the Lord. I am contemplating taking a CHU instead of the tent. I am praying for the Lord to lead me, to let me know if I have learned what He had me learn about Small Community and Discipleship. Is now the time for me to prepare for my return home and the rest of my service to Him? He knows, I guess.

Maybe this walk is just that, just what it has been. Some ups and downs, highs and lows. Sometimes I have been in the forest sorounded by the beuty and abundance of the trees and other times in the desert with nothing but what I cary myself. The walk, the journey may just continue along in that manner until the end.

I guess, as I reflect there are so many things that I have seen and done. There are so many blessing and trails that I have had. There are so many emotional states that I and my family have been through that I just can't see what the journey truly has been, uphill or down, straight or windy. I also can't speculate what it will end up to be. I do know that all things God works together for the good for those that love Him and in that I must trust. In God I must lay my Hope.

So in closing, first pray for Catherine for her Birthday. That it will, even though it may be difficult, bring blessing to her in some way. Second, that my family continues to walk in strength and hope and that we know that this is all for the Lord. Lastly for me, that I can continue to endure and walk through this journey with my eyes only focussed on the things of Heaven and not on the path ahead.

Worn Out!

I am almost drained from these past several days. Mentally and physically I have beat myself down to a very weak place. I feel as I am walking a thin line between ok and not, sound and unsound. It is testing me and my faith.

Being physically tired wants to keep me sleeping in, staying in my chair all day and not motivated to do anything outside of what I have to do. It weighs on my heart as my nature is to help. Here it it seen as a bad thing, especially from my boss, and getting beat up by it doesn't help the situation for me.

Yesterday I became involved in moving beds and people from the West side to the East side. This under normal circumstances would not be a big deal except that it has been a problem from the initial phase of this move. So, George, Rosvund (a new Transporation Coordinator) and I went tent to tent and basically evicted everyone we could find still in them. When that was completed, we began to pull the bunk beds out of the tents and then the mattresses. Dirty stinky, old mattresses so that they could be reused over on the West Side. Tottal, fifty bunks and one hundred mattresses.

Then, if that wasn't far enough out of my lane when we got them over to the East side we had to move them into the tents over here. This required us to first remove the existing bed and then bring in the bunk and mattress. What this did is create two beds where there was one before. It also created all open top bunks which nobody wants. Ok, not my problem right? Wrong. Now I am the go to guy for the remianing fifty six people who need to move over here that I had just an hour before evicted from the West Side. I get to be the bad guy explaining why they now all had top bunks. Over and over again.

This is all taxing on me. It really makes me come back to my old nature and I struggle to maintain myself and my frustration. This has also taxed my relationship with my men and with my freinds. Chandel and I at this point are at a stand still. He figures that my heart is no good from what I can understand and I can't continue to watchover him at every day. It saddens my heart tremendously but that is the facts.

I also have a few New employees who just, in my opinion do anything without a discussion, explination and being watched over by somone. The first day on the ground we had to talk to them about their work. One of these men is Born Again and a Man of God and with this tells me often during our discussion this point. Someone had I guess told him that I was also. So with this now that their is tentsion in our working relationship I get comments from him like, "Sir, I am a real Man of God and truly Born Again" and "I don't know where your heart is on this." Wow, maybe I am losing it! I think. I am certainly not the light I was.

So last night ends with me having to go recue the lost who have not moved yet, including Chandel and the two other Drivers who I just can't get along with. Now they had not heeded my direction in being prepared to move Thursday afternoon, so I couldn't grab their stuff when I was there. Now they were still there and taking it out on me that thye had to move to top bunk space and so late in the game. Even Chandel, and this is why we are strained, figure that I left Him. None of them had listen to the direction they were given. So I stood at 2100 trying to explain the failings of the system and what they needed to do at this point. Don't worry about killing the messenger becasue the messanger was already dead, tired.

So, some moved some didn't and I am at the end of my rope. The two men that I can't seem to get along with now apperently want to go to HR because all of this is my fault. Chandel is barely talking to me and everyone that I had to tell they had top bunks just sees me as the descision maker. The worst part is that now with all this practical experience I am now considered the Repo man by the O&M Manager who will leave on R&R today and I have been given the responsibility to get everyone out of the West side by midnight tomorrow. Tic-Toc.

So Spirtualy because of being mentally worn down I just am floating along. I am strong in my purpose here, but at this time I am "just in the desert" and there is no fruit to be found, anywhere. I am good that I know that that is what it is, it will pass, and that my heart is in the right place with the Lord. I know he has not left me, I am just seeing the "world for all of it glory" and of course that is facecious. Just a tough spell where my endurance is being tested. This is what I get paid for and I know it will all work out in the end, but it still stinks.

This reminds me at this moment of 1 Corinthians 3, I believe. That we will all be tested by fire. As children of God we will go through the fire but we may get burned along the way. It is ultimately what determines what our faith was made of, Gold, Silver or precious gems, or some wood and straw. I will see in the end.

Pray for me just for rest and peace. That the headache, both real and that caused by all these things goes away. Pray for me that the rest of the evictions go ok and that I can move the last of the stuff before my deadline of the 31st from the West side. Pray for an oasis for me to take a drink before I continue on into the rest of this desert.

News Flash! Four Hundred and Twenty People Move As They Please.

Craziness happened over the last few days with the moving of the people from the West Side LSA to the East Side LSA. It started off slowly and to the plan but as the time ticked away panic set in and the move became a monster. It was like the preverbal snowball rolling down hill.

I will also say the the Camp Management did explain the process several times and in several ways to the Managers and Supervisors in our daily meetings. However, the Managwers and Supervisors dropped the ball in the proper explination to the general workers. Like most problems there was a breakdown in communication and people, in fear, began to do what they wanted.

The first to move were to be all of the Wymore DFAC workers. There were over seventy of them and they were to have the first tents so that we did not have to bus them from one side to the other twice a day. That move went well and on schedule Monday.

The next to move were to be the Laundry and some of the laborers that have been building the Camp. This was to make it easier for them to the job site and begin work each day. Along with them also were the females from that were going to have two specific tents and because their old tents would be needed on the East side. All of this went off pretty well ad without incident but during this time people started thinking about themselves.

See the ultimate plan is to have people diveded by the Departments they are in. This would help for accountability purposes in an emergency. Like I said this is the final plan. Some Supervisors began to talk to their people about this and some even decided to get their people moved over early to avoid the rush and whatknot, this is where the problem started. People started to se one and two people leave their tent for the new tents.

Me and the other Supervisor in my tent continued to tell the men that we were to move on Thursday and to stay put. Each night we would spend time explaining what was happening and each night the thoughts that they would not have room, or their space on the East side set in deeper.

Tuesday night began the exedus from the West Side LSA. In the wee hours of the night multiple people began to move into tents claiming their ground. Everyone going where they wanted, no plan now in place. As the day began to break, people really realized that the move was on and that thye needed to also gather and go. This is where the Camp Management made a mistake. Instead of stopping everyone and regrouping they stated that evryone should just move.

They had basically thrown in the towel and because no one was listening they opened the flood gate and relied on the people to do the right thing. Wrong, as I saw yesterday, when you do this the worst of people, at least here comes out. We ran out of room quick and about ten percent of the people are still on the West side as they could not get their belongings out and over. There were also several thefts of property as the confusion created opportunity to steal.

In the mid afternoon I went to the West side to check my stuff. I had some belongings sent from my parents and Catherine in my foot locker but some others were not. I wanted to assure that I was organized and that my stuff was secured. What I found was three more people had moved out. When they did so they just left everything they did not want to bring with them laying around. They had also left the front and back doors open. Mattresses just lieing on the floor, not a care about anyone elses things.

I packed verything that I had at that time in to two foot lockers. One I would place in my storage and one for me when I found a bed. Rolled up my sheets and pillows and took what I could get into the SUV, leaving my bed and matresses and the shelves I had built. There was nothing else I could do at this point and I had no where to actually go. The last three guys were still working. Including Chandel, and there stuff I left alon in the tent.

By the time of our 1800 meeting things had gotten so bad that the Camp Manager tasked ech MAanager and Supervisor to go do tent inspections. We were to count beds and mattresses and consolidate as we could. I was amazed. Most tents had nobody on top bunks. People had themselves spread out like they had never been before. Some tents now only having half of the people that they should have. There was even one tent that was "Expat" only. People just were being so selfish.

All of this came to a head during the tent inspections when apparently a man that had moved into a tent was thrown out by some of the other men, the "Expat" tent, for not being an Expat. This put the Camp Manager over the top. He called a All hands Meeting right on the spot. Clearing all of the tents even of those that were still sleeping. In my opinion the was to little, too late. Trying to fix something like this, now, was too much. The frenzy in my opinion has caused the momentum that we had in the initial stages of the New LSA was gone.

Today, I will guess will be a day of organization and consoldation. We will attempt to fit the remaining beds and people here on the West side. We will try to get everyone space to live until the rest of the Camp is built. Everyone will have space, how much we will see. It is too bad that this happened how it did but I saw how human nature can be. Each group of ideas coming together into something of it's own. Seeing people at their worst out of fear of not getting what they feel they should get. Taking advantage of opportunity, to steal and segregate. It is a shame.

I ended up last night in a bed of a man that is on R&R. It is only temporary and today I will look for additional space to move my mattress and bed over. My Department will facilitate the rest of the move of beds, matresses and any luggage that may need to come. We will try to squeeze everyone in.

People, when left to their own divises will fail you most often. We are frail and broken and doomed to sin and the nature of this world. We become selfish and criminal if given opportuinity ajnd doing what is right is distant second to what we think is best. Not all people are bad, but many are, or will do things for self preservation if the circumstances are correct.

Lord, I pray for peace and protection over this Camp. May we all be able to come through this and come together after today.

A quick note for today.

Today I will just say that due to a tight schedule I may not be able to get to the Blog. I do appologize but I just have not had any time this morning to gather thought or write. This afternoon if all goes as planned my creww with make a critical lift of four 20 foot CHU's that are connected together into one unit. We will then move it from the West side to East side. If it doesn't work out correctly then we will have to tare the building apart. I will let you know.

Please pray for this and for my family who continue to be under some attack through these Holidays. May we always look to the Lord in our life.

God Bless.

Descision Time.

So we are moving, you all have probably read several times about this. It is time for changes for everyone. It will be time for me to change here in a few days. I eagerly wait for some of them and others I am unsure of. The chapel will be within walking distance again so that is the biggest thing that I look forward to. The living accomodations here will be very tight at first and that is something that will be more difficult for me to deal with.


No I have always wrote about small group and small community, Discipleship and the opportunity that these all bring you to pour into the lives of those around you. I have found the experience here wonderful in that regard. So many of the Blogs that I have written have delt with this subject and how I have seen such blessing by being so close to so many people.


The thing is that things are changing here, in the camp, in the people and in me a bit. We are growing, fast. With this growth we are losing the sense of small community. When I arrived maybe there were a little over 250 people here and now we are over 400. There are many people that I don't know, with more arriving daily. The days are busy and hectic for most people when before the pace was slow and easy. The tents were a plce of peace and rest and now they are constant activity, and selfishness. The changes that are necessary have made this Camp different.



This is similar, I believe, to the church. It may start of as twenty or thirty people and grow from there. The families are comfortable and find it rewarding to have closness with their Church family. It is nice that people find it appealing and more people come to the church. Then it becomes full, capacity stretched with all the influx of new faces. People want to expand and change things. The old style is different and just doesn't feel the same. There is no longer any closeness just hecticness and such. The church body has become fat and unhealthy.

So here is where I am. I am feeling as if the small community that I once had is changing. I still see the same faces that I did before but not as often. Other commitments and activities, new friends take us away from one another. When I am in my tent, I struggle with the individuals that have begun to take away from what we once had. My small community as gotten fat.

I of course can adapt and change. I can even, as a previous post showed, slip a bit. Some things will never be the same and I have to get used to that. Others I can control, myself, my Discipleship and prayer, my devotions. I can remain in the space that I have, not always comfortable and sometime annoyed, I can continue to be a light as much as I can. Or, as the time will come, I can choose to be in a CHU again, and by my self.

This as easy as it may seem is not for me. I truly believe in Small Community and the fact that one of the things that I am to learn here is how to make this work when I return home. To experience people at their most intimate point and interact with them there. To share my life with them, every minute, as hard as that may be. If I go to a CHU I satisfy my personal needs, but I will give up parcilaly on what I find so important.

In the CHU I could have my time with the Lord. Turn on and off the loght when I wanted to. Have the heat set at any temperature that was comfortable to me. I could read and write in peace and quite. I would be alone. Alone, in my box, in my comfort zone, in my ways, in my time and not have to worry about anyone else. Things would remain exactly as I wanted them and only change when I wanted them to. I could even stop being a light to the world for a while if I wanted. All this, if I wanted.

So, I am experiencing growth pains of sorts. Like the church, like many small communities do. I have interanl and external struggles. I have my personal feelings and my feelings associated with my faith in Jesus Christ and what He has called me, us, to do. I will have to make a descision when the time comes but right now I am stilling trying to hear from God on this. I am still trying to place it into His hands.

Lord, speak to me and guide my path. Amen

We Made It!

Wow. What a day we had yesterday. Crazy. Nothing went right from the beginning. Every peiece of equipment that I had scheduled from the Military cancelled. Everything critical to me gettting the IT and office spaces from the East Side to the West side, just wasn't going to be there for me.

So as I sat in the morning planning meeting for O&M and projects I watched out the window as the IT guys disassembled the IT equipment. As I knew this was the precurser to my part I was happy, the day was mine. I confirmed that at 9:00 the PLS Systems and the RTCH would show up to grab the IT container and off it would go to the West side LSA. By the end of my meeting IT was pulling the sattelite down from the roof.

So off I go outside to clear some items from the path of the RTCH that will be showing up soon. Then over to assist the forklift in lifting the satelite base from the roof. I noticed then George pull back in but with out any equipment following him. Oh no, I thought, where is the RTCH? George explained to me thet the trucks had cancelled. It was Sunday and there were no drivers.

Now I no I had made all of the arrangements with the Military. They were going to allow my New Drivers to drive the PLS's and have an NCO with them in another truck. George, do you recall this? So off I drove over to see the Sgt. and find out what was happening. If this was true I was sunk as we now were without any link to the outside world and our business was off line. It was all resting on my Department now.

As I walked to the 183rd tent I said a prayer. God, help me work this out. I trust your will. The Sgt wasn't in. He hadn't relayed the instructions to the right people in they were in the dark. I now had the task of explaining the situation to the 1Sgt. After a few questions she called the Sgt. waking him up and he confirmed that we should have had two systems today. George go get our drivers.

Ok that problem solved. Everything will be good now. Thank you God for your Grace. I stayed calm the entire time, however my heart was racing. I was able to speak softly and explain the situation well enough for action. It is great felling for me as this, for so many years would have been counter to my nature.

As the drives walked towards me at the front of the 183rd tent I asked George if he could run down and get the RTCH from the CRSP YArd and escort it over to the West side. I showed the drivers into the tent so they could wait and I walked over towards the new LSA to see what was going on. Unfortunately, just as the feeling of accomplishment was in full force Big George called me on the radio. Trans #1, Sgt. S says we have no RTCH's today, they are in a mandatory meeting. He thought that since there were no PLS's we didn't need the RTCH's.

Boom (that is the bomb dropping). No RTCH's no lift. No lift no internet. No internet no nothing. George, can you come and get me please?

So into the CRSP Yard we go. Sgt. S is the only one visible and he is driving the RTCH picking containers in the yard. Sgt. what is going on? Your mission is cancelled, he said. No it isn't, I have a real problem on my hands. I have to move these cans today. I am sorry he replied, I sent the guys to a meeting. There is nothing I can do. You can imagine my feeling now. I stood there, gave a dramitic pause, then said well if there is nothing you can do I guess I will have to let them know. Nothing?

Then the Sgt. said that he would make a call for me and see what he could do. (Place clock ticking sound here). Within a few minute he came back and said he had worked it out. His two soldiers would leave the class. One would come with us and the other on a seperate mission. One of my RTCH Operators could take the third machine to the ENw LSA and drive it there on his own as long as he stayed in the yard. Deal! Wow, it had come through ok. We were in business.

From that point on we would be ok. A couple other issues throughout the day. Broken down RTCH for a while, some other materials that arrived and required attention. Bust day, busy day. We all pithched in from there where we could. My guys moved our office while I was out running the lifts. I dug some ditches for IT and tracked down pumps for the Laterines. It was no stop but it worked out to the good.

I kept thanking God as each thing worked out for the best. I actually thanked God for the trial that I was to overcome and in the way I handled my self through them. All these things were Good. In the end the Glory is His.

So as I said yesterday, if you were reading the same message twice in a row then something went wrong. I guess I miss spoke because something did go wrong but it got worked out. I believe that the ultimate lesson is that I treat people well here. I have not burned any bridges and I attempt to always be fair and honest. It is what God wants us to do. Through the relationships that I have formed people respond favorably when needed. They know that I am not taking advantage or trying to get over on them and in the end being as Jesus asks is what worked this out.

God bless you all. Be a light. Be a "good" person as God asks us to be. Handle your stress by giving it to Him and it will work out how he wants it to work out.

Lord bless this day as we continue to move. Bring peace to all those who believe in your name. Place a longing for peace in the hearts of those who don't. Let us be obediant to you and rcognize your plan in all these things. Amen

Moving Day!

If you are seeing this post it means I have done my job and moved our IT Department on time and on schedule. Today will be moving day for the Containers over to the New East Side LSA. My Department now gets to participate fully in the move. Urah!

It is an exciting time in a sense as we will finally be on the East Side where allof the services and "comforts" are. This includes the Chapel and DFAC so that life for me will be more normal. I have missed the afternoon prayer and conversations with the Chaplin Assistants and the Wednesday night Bible Study. Church everyday has taken a back seat the last two months and it has taken its toll.

Life will get tougher, packed into the new tents, which will be just enough for us to fit at first. As time moves forward and more tents are built, we will then be able to spread out a bit within the tent. We will have only twenty four showers for four hundred people which will be fun, not even shower curtains as of yet. At least it is not bottle water showers which it very well could have been.

So if you see this email two days in a row it means that something went wrong in the planning or the plan and IT was not able to get up and running. Hopefully it is not that we dropped the container or something such as that. Electricians, HVAC and IT need to perform or it will not happen correctly.

Watching all of this, seeing all the efforts that have been made, the coordination and the planning of each group had me really think of the Glory of God. Here we struggle so much to create something new. We toil in the earth, sweat by the light of the sun, become aggrevated at the difficulties of such change. O the other hand, in one simple confession that Jesus is Lord and Savior, the Spirit dwell in our hearts and we begin to change. God has allowed us to be created new in one moment, through Faith. This is the miracle of God


So the prayer for the day is this, that everythingmoves ok. That my men and the others doing critical work remain safe. That by the second day all was good...

2 Thessalonians 2:10

"They perish because they refused to love the truth and so be saved". 2 Thessalonians 2:10

Straight for ward and simple. Not my words but Gods words through the Apostle Paul. Paul was good at not parcing his words and today, again, hopefully neither will I. I actually love these type of verses for their simplicity.

"They perish", die, have eternal damnation. This is not a place to be, regardless of how much fun you think it may be due to your worldly view of things, you won't want this to happen. Don't fall into the trap of thinking hell may be ok. I know, how silly, nobody thinks they will go to Hell when they die, everyone is heaven bound due to thier "goodness".

Now if you were God, the Creator of everything, you have made the most wonderful place that anybody can imagine. Where we can fellowship with Him for the rest of eternity. Where everything that should have been perfect is made perfect. Then don't you think that Hell would be tottaly the opposite? Hell will be the most horrible thing that the Creator could imagine. Nothing perfect, nothing good, emotions of the most incredibly aweful way. Anything that you have hated and avioded in your life just their in your face. With all of this you will have eternal seperation from the God who you now know truly exists and His Son Jesus Christ who died for you. Thats Hell.

"Because they refused" or made and active choice to not accept. They, or you, know what you should do but don't. This is the opposite of repentance which is turning from your sin, this is actively engauging in it even when you know you are wrong. Granted, bad people think they are doing good, justifing themselves but God has alowed all men to inherently know Him and be without excuse. So move away from the excuses and move towards justifing youself under Gods standards, then you will be on the right track. But most will just continue to refuse, like I did, some until it is too late.

"Love", set it into your heart. Make it part of your being. Work every conscience minute in active pursuit of it. We have all heard what love is, and that is what this love will do for you. It must consume your thoughts more so then your love for football, or cars, or hunting, or alcohol or sex. It must become number one in your heart, where by the way God looks and the Spirit will maybe dwell one day.

"The Truth." There can only be one Truth, one way that is right and good and proper. Without fail it will be the standard and the guiding light. There can not be two truths about the same thing that at there core are opposite or contradict themselves. We say we believe in God, but we refuse His Truth. We hit our point of pain so we then interject our own truth. We want honesty from everyone but have dishonesty in our hearts caused by this refusal of Truth.

"And be saved", rescued from death or harm, brought out of danger. We are in a position where this is eminent. From the fall we have become sinners and therefore if we do nothing the outcome is determined. We are in essence are dead, and only have one way out.

"They perish because they refused to love the truth an so be saved". You will die, eternal death, because you made an active choice to not change and place in your heart the truth in which will save you from your eternal damnation in Hell. You will be the cause of this for the simple fact that you refused the truth. This truth is God's Word. The Truth is Jesus Christ. You must either accept the truth or accept your destiny.

Holy Spirit move into the empty space of the heart, of those who refuse to love your Truth. Allow these words, your words, to convict them of their ways and that they are now in death and need to be saved from that death. Speak to them that the only way is to Love Jesus Christ and accept Him as their Truth.

Purpose Through the Pain

Purpose through the pain. This is the word that was given to me this morning as I sat and prayed. Purpose through the pain. I will tell you straight out that those words must be set in my heart or I will not make it to the end of this journey.

We are struggling, Catherine and I, everyday has its challenges for us. You may have noticed over the past few posts a change of sorts. Something that has been different. The thoughts of negativity, the attacks that we have been going through, the lonliness all have taken their toll on us. For us it is not easy at all and some days are unbearable.

I always attempt to be tottally transparent, so with that I will tell you how close I was to throwing in the towel. So close that I would have been home for Christmas if someone had said the right thing to me, anybody. I have looked into the tax consequences of a return. I have applied to jobs back home and I have reached out to people I know for work. That close to pulling the plug and returning to my safe place called home.

I have had great fellowship with my freinds. Several of them have spoken to me straight and not given me any selfish advise. Open and honest sharing when I have reached out to them in my need. Ethan, has been in this position before. He spent a year in Iraq undr much less favorable conditions in which I find myself. He bolstered my spirit with his cander.

Tony, my Brother Tony, He has been faithful to express to me what this time means in a Spiritual sense. He keeps me in the puersuit of God even in the tough times. He has a very good way of relating to me because out of anybody he knows me best.

Dad, very practicle and direct. My father does not over explain things and generally gives good direction on how to accomplish things. He did not stay say or go but definately helps keep things in good perspective.

Don, you called at a great time, out of the blue and when yes, I needed a word from a friend. Continue to follow the spirit because He was spot on with the timing on Thursday.

Frank, my most cherrished friend and Brother. You have spoken again into my heart. You pulled no punches and remianed obediant to God. You know me and through that knowledge related the path that I should take. This is Discipleship and Love. Not just saying nice easy things but the things that need to be said in the way they need to said.

So what am I getting at? Purpose through the pain. I must realize that I am here and the ultimate purpose is Gods. That He has brought me here and that I must remain and complete the task at hand. For Ctherine and I we can only hope that in the end we will know the purpose in Gods plan for all of this but in the mean to we continue.

For me I am a Leader and as such I will not have the same opportunity to be filled by others as I may give to them. That I will by my gifting, give more than I may ever recieve. That my sole filling is from the Lord and even at that He may chose to hold some back to drive me deeper towards Him. In that respect as I am so is the flock. As I waiver so do those around me, Chandel and Robert, Catherine and the children, some of you who may read this. I must realize that at this time I lead and in that leading wittness Christ Jesus in my life.

These words struck me and I expressed this to Catherine, that we will remain on track and that we will complete this mission. That I see the attack as equal to the enevitable final outcome. That the more I endure the stronger that it will become and in that I should find strength. Also that I must be strong so that Catherine may reamin strong. That We must rely on each other to press against so that we can endure. I would not look for her to plakate me but to only encourage.

For Catherine, her wittness will be in her support. Satan also wants her to fail so that I will fail. She must only stand strong and be a wittness to her support. She must fight the challenges that she faces and allow others around her to see her walk. She must also allow those around her to minister to her in her times of need and show with transperancy her walk.

We will purpose through the pain. We will endure and we will be stronger for the lord in the end. Pray for this for us.

Outside the Wire

Wow. How excillerating. I was free from this Prison called FOB Shindand for a while yesterday and it was great!

The first time I ever did this, you may recall was down in Camp Leatherneck when Greg, Winbush, The Britt and I all walked to the soak yard about three quarters of a mile outside of the Camp. That was scary to me, every step I was nervous thinking of the worst that could happen. I was green, with experience and with nausea at the time. Sweating, scared, stupid I walked out into the desert.

Yesterday, I went out to look at some tractor trailers that we are looking to lease from an outside vendor. Because they were not actually coming into the base yet they were parked outside the furthest barrier gate. Maybe a few hundred yards out and to the left of the Hesco's they sat just outside of the sight of most of the Guards.

So as I stepped out of the walk through gate, after letting the Army know where I was going, I said a prayer, just for His will, not much else, just that. I walked out along side of the holding area and past the people waiting to get into work for the day. Out past the parking area and up to the Afghan Army Guards who man the outer gate.

I just pointed at the trucks and they nodded and let me pass, like the Army before not really concerned with me going. I walked down around the corner and off to the trucks. People now looking at me a little more, I guess they are just as surprised to see me as I am amazed to see them. There on the left a little shop selling tea surrounded by motorcycles of the workers. Some young kids sitting with their fathers. I was just taking these in.

Within a short distance, I was at the trucks and meeting with the men who had brought them to us, seven in total which was surprising for two trucks. We couldn't communicate, neither speaking the others language, this becomes humorious in a way. We each speak and expect the other to understand but we don't get anywhere fast. To me however it was more than the trucks. I took the opportunity to look around. I looked back on the fanceline and then it struck me for real, I was out.

I interacted with these local men, looking around at the same time. I was just happy and comfortable. Not worrying about anything. It is hard to explain but all I could imagine of the whole scene is that it was how a prisoner felt as he walked out to freedom after so long.

The perspective of the whole thing changed though. Seeing things from the point of view of being outside looking in. the mountains seemed more accessible, the people more real, everything was different. With this perspective I looked out down the road and around to the town wondering what was out there. I also wondered how far I could get!

Yes, the thought crossed my mind as to how far I could get down the road before someone would notice. I wondered if I went to the right instead of the left what would be in store for me out there. I knew the inside of the camp, the outside was new and exciting. I also wondered about how real the danger might be, what the opportunity that was there and if I turned right at the moment when left was the way, how would that change my life.

It may seem strange but as I went back towards the base I thought about this option. I thought that oh what God might do. Could I walk that way in faith and just keep going or would it just end right there, everything just end somewhere down the road. I turned left as I went back, my heart, the adventure coming near an end. I walk back towards the gaurds, showing them my badge they let me pass.

Returning to the Camp caused some dismay. I know what lies inside, I know what it means for me again. It is a return to the safe normalcy of life. The end of the little adventure, conclusion in a sense. I walked back to the gate and looked up at the fifty caliber barrel sticking out of the gaurd tower window. Looking around at all the gaurds with full battle rattle on. Looking at the gate that would soon close behind me.

I was back inside and the trip was over. A little bit of excitment, interatcion something other then the everyday occurred and it felt great. Outside the wire is a wonderful place
I hope to be again someday.

Slipping a Bit!

We are getting packed in pretty tight around here now. The Camp is expanding rapidly, from Band 3 to Band 4. Basically for us it means that we are going about three hundred fifty to seven hundred fifty people. Along with this we are now building our own Camp on the East Side. Becasue everything here now must be torn down and rebuilt we have very limited number of tents for everyone to live in.

With that said, today the last twenty beds in our tents will be filled with new arrivals. I will most likely have somebody sleeping above me and the space between Roberto and I will now house three people. Our small community is getting bigger. So to give you the picture we will have four people living in about 100 square feet of space, minus what the beds take up. From what I understand from Calvin it is not as bad as the Navy.

It has been a little difficult for me to make the change into this new tent and now to have the tent full. Mentally I have not really recovered from R&R. I came back to this move and the Chapel and most services being on the East side including the Chapel so that it has just thrown me off enough to keep me struggling. To tell you the truth the prayer with the Chaplins Assistants has seased for now, Discipleship with Chandel was hampered by his schedule and with the drive to prayer being longer it can be somewhat of a drain.

All of these things have left me Spirtual, mentally and physically struggling with things. I have drove into my personal growth as much as I can but that will only take me so far. I feel it and know it of myself that I am far better of in the service and fellowship of my Christian Brothers. I do enjoy my work but it is sparce with anything fullfilling for me. So between the bursts of something good from work and what I can get from my Spiritual life I am on a bit of a roller coaster ride.

My thoughts always return to my relationship with the Lord. I struggle sometimes staying focussed there as most people do. It is troubling to me, which in turn is good because if I didn't care I would be more worried. The rollercoaster just keeps going. I do seek him. I look for him to fill me, but unless I can keep that focus it only occurs a little at a time.

The hard part also for me is that as time goes on like it is now I see myself slipping into the world more and more. I guess I get comfortable with this and am beginning to become more like the things around me. A friend of mine Jacky, who has been gone for a while, recognized right away that I have changed. That I am becoming more like the rest of the people. During this conversation I asked Mohammad what he thought and he concurred, I have changed from the time that arrived until now. This has weighed a little on me. "Be in the world not of the world".

I am also smoking a pipe, at lunch, when I read. I will tell you the truth it is relaxing and far nicer than any cigerette or cigar I have ever smoked. I don't know how long and if this habit will remain but at this point it is here with me. Thats a change. I have also been, I guess the boss I should be. Not that I am bad or mean or anything, but I have had to become accustomed to working with my Boss. Also, I have had to be in some ways assertive and less helpful to the other groups. This is to counter the usery that other Department would have towards me in my helfulness.

These subtle changes, started I know when I returned from R&R, as I said. I determined in a sese that I needed to do the right thing for my Company and my department. I also to a certain extent needed to fit in to the society here. I guess as I said earlier enough for people to notice. So over time I guess the flesh becomes weak. For me thankfully I see it and I can fight against it or at least adjust accordingly but all of these things are wearing me down.

I am looking foward as I said before to my next R&R. On the short term I am looking forward to the move to the East Side. I am hopeful to be able to get back into my Spiritual habits and again being regularly filled by the Spirit. I will tell you the truth, man can't do it the way that the Lord can.

So anyway, pray for me. Pray for me in this transition and in the move. Pray that I can get connected back as I was before. Alos learn maybe from this and reflect to your own life. How do you react in different situations. Do your Spiritual habits change. Do you speak differently in different company? Does you circumstance change your Christianity? Can we even endure the simple things and remain strong on the hard things? That is the test of our walk.

Lord, help me through. Help me endure the struggles and change. Help me grow and change for the good, your good.

The Prison

It is a shame that a man can live his life in a prison of unhappiness. A dark place that is only broken occasionally by small beams of light comming through some out of reach window. His perspective is only based on the room in which he sits. His knowledge a product of his wondering mind, of the small shreds of information that come from other outside sources. This prison becomes a torment as nothing of reality can be accepted. Anything that is not within that room can't be real. It produces contempt that is deep for anything that is outside this cold box.

We all have some area in us that produces this contempt. Something that we just will never let go of. It in one way or another never quite gets released from our mind. We may associate these things with others, thinking that they are always the cause. No matter what they say or do the demons in our mind are placed on them. This prison is tragic. It will never allow for change, it can not accept repentance. Forgivness would be out of the question. That prison just holds ones soul hostage forever.

I have this prison. I am sure in some regards you have this prison. Some friend or family member that has hurt you, something in your life that the memory just won't leave your soul. These things become the cell that we live in. These are the walls that close us in. No matter where we look we see the walls. We can't see much else only each brick the wall is built of. Each piece that becomes the whole.

How long we remain in this cell depends on us. We must see past the walls, we must know that there is other truth out there besides that which enveloped us in the cell, truth beyond our own reasoning. That truth is in the Gospel for me. I believe in forgivness and love, I believe in the freedom that Jesus offers us. I believe that we can break down the walls, if we choose to. If we choose to move past the past.

We can never change the things that were done to us. We can't go back and do it again. We can however accept who we are and who others are. We can give love when love is not accepted. We can be as Jesus asks us to be and move beyond our prison. We can let ourselves out if we just get up and open the door. Change can't be forced on others, it must start within yourself.

Lord, help me chnage. Help me move past the things of the past that hold me back. Help me to continue to forgive and to love those that can not love me. Your power, your glory, your freedom to live.