No Catchy Title on This One!

Today maybe back to a little bit of the basics of my life here. I am sitting here trying to hear from the Lord, looking back over my reading from my devotions and all I keep getting is this, your is a little slump right now. Yes, I am just feeling like I am in limbo here, set between now and the time I am to leave. The words of my friend Brian back home ring in my head, "Go back and finish strong, right to the end." That at this point seems a difficult task.

See my mind is aying that I am wrapping up here, but true reason says you still have a quarter of your time to go. The two positions seem to be taking equal portion at this time. Yes I have great moments of accomplishment and of spiritual bliss but then on days such as this just very little at this time. Now don't get me wrong this is truly my fault, several factors play into this feeling, and none of them will I blame on the Lord.

My mindset for one. I am not truly focussed on glorifing the Lord at this time. If I were the down would be up. The bad turned to good. I would purpose my heart to see Him in all the things around me, but instead I am wallowing in and out of that place and satan then plays. I also still on some days wrestle with my "thorn" and that causes me to come out of the starting block slow if at all. Troubles the heart and my mind doesn't just squash it and move on, I sit and ponder the consequenses, I look for the root cause that I have never seemed to find.

I also have some worldy problems, things that we all go through with our work situation and changes in circumstances of that. Here many things are different and many the same. I will tell you that it is far more like the Old West in regards to how people act and do their work, how they treat others and what is acceptable. On the outside we are an American Company with American standards but on the inside, friendships and special treatment, inconsistancy and the like run rampid. I do my best to do the right thing but I think, with so little time, I have resound myself that I won't be able to fight the machine more than my own little world.

I Have also been waiting for the right moment to distribute more of the donated materials that have been sent from the Sataes. I have gotten into this idea that more is coming so just wait but I think now that that is not correct. I want there to be enough for everybody but there just might not be anymore coming. I just now thought, Mike, give everything and the Lord will make an abundance. See, even in this, I have forgotten a value of mine. Hum!

Maybe it is that I am looking at life as stages. Is that what we do, look at things in segments, life, work. We set goals. Make promises to ourselves. Plan for things. Isn't that against what the Bible teaches us? "Plan for nothing" as I recall. Maybe my focus should be on what I will do right now. What am I giving to Him at this moment. My heart, my hands, my mind, my life. Instead of thinking I should just go back to acting like when I first came here, I had nothing to loose then. Now I do.

Maybe that is really it. Maybe I have lost the unbridaled walk forward each day. Maybe, even in this I have become comfortable and therefore I now have something to loose. Maybe I am bored and now can allow myself to wonder. Just like at home, I am a stagnet Christian in the circumstance of Afghanistan. Life has become easy again and I can ignore the things that I used to have to rely on. Maybe I should pray for the ache so that my butt will be in a position that it must take action. Something.

I guess so that I am not just rambling. I am in a funk today, maybe over the last few days. Nothing traumatic or anything close to what I used to get into, but definately not as high as I have been. Recogognizing it and doing something about it is important. So I set focus and take a step forward and may I glorify God through this.

Lord, even in the desert you are there. The Spirit lead Jesus out to this place so that he may be strengthened and so I ask the same for me. I recognize your presence in all things and in this I must be strengthened. My trust and hope is always in you. Amen.