In the Margins

Today as I read my Bible I came came to 2 Corinthians 1:8-11. In the left hand margin I had written the date with a bracket to the passage. The date was 11/28/10, just after Thanksgiving one of the hardest times I have had here in Afghanistan.

As I recall, I was ready to pack it in here. I was done with this journey and set my heart on giving up and going home. All I could think about was what I was missing, my family, my friends, the Church. Everything that had any significance was on my mind and drawing me towards the conclusion that I can do just as well at home.

I know that Catherine and I had talked, alot, about this. I had sent emails to Frank and others almost looking for the confirmation to the thoughts in my head. Each day I would rationalize more and more that going home was the best place for me. It was in fact almost as agonizing as the first three days I was here in Afghanistan. I know that not only Catherine but others were praying for me, for discernment and comfort. Nothing would have stopped me at the time from giving up.

In the right hand margin I wrote this. "I was in much dispare yesterday and today, as of now, I am ok. This passage I read this morning. God Speaks." God speaks! I just cried thinking of those words. God speaks. Here is the passage.

"We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despair even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many."

I know at some point right around that time Catherine and I spoke in depths of the attack that was occuring to us. I wanting to come home and she just exhausted from keep things going at home and work. We bth had stumbling blocks placed in front of us and it was difficult. But we became strengthened in our faith as we move the blocks. I recall that we determined that we would not discuss the negative aspects of the situation in a defeatest manner. That we would see th opportunities that were at hand for us if we moved in our faith hrough the trial. We knew that seeing only the struggle played into satans hand and his objective to have us no focus on Christ.

From that time forward I recogognized the truth in this verse, "But this happenend that we might not rely on ourselves but God." That I, we, were weak and broken and could not come through this mire without true hope. Without a desire to do more then satisfy ourselves and our own desires for comfort. I saw that not by my own strength but only by the strength of the Almighty Creator could I endure.

This change in perspective has lasted since. It has brought greater understanding of my relationshi with Jesus Christ. I have been able to lead my family, my wife, also through the trial. Strengthening in my faith and my faith strengthening them. I understand now that any trial, any stumbling block that is turned up before us is an opportunity to strengthen our faith. God makes all things to the good for those who love Him. I can use any circumstance to glorify God and because of that I am set free from the burdens that may otherwise hold me down in defeat.

"On Him we have set our Hope that He will continue to deliver us." Continue He has. Not ceasing in my times of struggle, only waiting for me to turn back to Him. He is faithful and desires only the best for me. Through that confirmation I am made strong. Through knowing that His hand is right there beside me, all I need to do is reach for it has become my comfort.

The trial, the pain and agony of last November is gone, but a brief reminder written in the margin of Bible. A powerful moment for me and my faith however, a mark of the start of my deeper understanding and faith. My journey not over, but nearing the end, I will endure, as you can through the trials of your life. We can overcome, even death, through faith in Jesus Christ. His truth will set us free and set us apart because we find new Hope in Him. A hope that comes from within but is fueled by the Spirit within us. We can endure if we see each circumstance, trial and joy as an opportunity to glorify Him and have Him deliver us.

Holy Father, your truth is forever and like a rock that we may always stand opon. Let us not be defeated by the lies of satan but made strong by you as we continue to glorify you in all things. You truley turn darkness to light and death to life. In my near defeat you brought me closer to you and I thank you. In your prcious name Lord we pray. Amen