His Timing.

Some days are just normal, basic, everyday days. Life just for living with nothing extrordinary to mark it as special or anything different than any other day. Maybe it is because I have come to expect something everyday taht when it doesn't happen it feels different, less memorable. Maybe it is because my heart consistantly moves, seeking to Glorify the Lord, purposedly and willingly looking for my opportunities that when they just don't come I notice it.

Don't get me wrong, I am not disappointed in the fact that today I am writing alomost for the sake of writing, that nothing stands out to me, for I know that I am still in a good place. That my life is fluid and my days will be varied as to the things that are accomplished and experienced. Sometimes I believe that I expect that everyday will have a blessing, that everyday will bring something that only could have been given from God. I expect that I will see exactly what the Lord had in mind for me as I moved in His presence.

Wait. As I sit here a thought came to me, the Spirit telling me that I am not being honest and forthcoming. My heart telling me that as I write that I was in His presence and that no blessing ocurred I fail to acknowledge that I was struggling abit yesterday with some thoughts. That my mind was not completely focussed on trying to remain in His presence. This morning, realizing some of this, as I prayed I asked for forgivness, His forgivness for not giving Him my everything. Even yesterday I wrote about the internal me and the external me and keeping them equal. This must be the place where this was to go.

Anyway, I guess as human I look always for confirmation in some way that I have done a good job, even in Gods eyes. I want some kind of confirmation that He noticed me so I can add points to my well done true and faithful soldier list. That wont happen and I should not expect it to. In fact we are to become infinately humble if we can, die to ourselves, and in that all we expect is to be used by Him completely.

So I have run into a stone in my field, not huge but non the less something that I need to deal with. I am glad that you were here during this moment. This can be worked for the good. The heart of this is my pride I guess. Can I admit a few things here. Can I tell you that I was not steadfast in my heart to Him and His Word. That even though I expect to see the blessings as confirmation, in reality there is no obligation for such. That I do only need to be humble in my service to Him, in faith and obediance.

So I pick up the stone from my field and place it in the pile of other stones. I ask the Lord to continue to work with these issues within me so that I may learn to move past them. It is all part of the process of our walk with Jesus, our obediance to God. In the end I guess the blessing really was for today, I see a little more of myself and move a little closer to Him.

Lord, you reveal to us the things you need us to know and see in your own timing. I should not expect things any faster and any differently then that. May my heart be more humbled, my pride less apperent and my sinfulness diminished and dried up. Amen.