The Second Attempt Today.

I am going to try this again. If you are seeing this post then you should know it is the second one today that I have written. If you would like you can read the one prior to this also. Jsut wasn't feeling it this morning. I was tried, I think from staying up a little late last night and also from waking several times to use the rest room. Whatever the reason this mornintg, after reading my Bible passages I fell back to sleep at my desk, head down on my Bible. My prayer time out by the tree was half hearted and very labored. I thought quietly for a while but I did verbalize my prayer or whorship like I normally do. I could feel that inside me I was worn down, and from this I just couldn't get stared right. I also felt the strain in my heart. For the first time in a while I was thinking of home and the things going on there. Thinking of the kids and Catherine thinking that it would be so great to be with them. Also how I should be there to help out with some of the things Catherine is taking care of there. When I finally sat to write the Blog "Cricket" I really had in mind to capture the moment for you all. To describe the events in a way that brought you here. I wanted you to experience a peice of another culture that you would not normally see. I feel now that I fell short of that. The words just didn't flow like the are now, my heart wasn't right and therefore the mind lagged also. As I have said in the past, I love when my words are just there, when the story just comes out. When I read a verse and write without thought,. I tell you the previous blog was not that. I took a ride with a new guy here later in the morning, Steve. I had promised that I would show him the base a bit and for a week now I have not been able to do it. I enjoy being a tour guide and thought it would be good to do something for someone else to help clear my own thought. Into the Gator we drove and I took him around to the old side of the base. Passed the yound shepard boys one of which, the youngest, decided to throw rocks at us when we did not have anything to give him. It is actually kinda cute in a way bu at the same time sad. Anyway, around we went me pointing out the things of the base, where stuff was and where it is now. It was enjoyable to get out. At lunch I sat and read my book and got a little sun, you can't help the sun part. As a side it is topping out near 80 degrees during the day now here, not a cloud in the sky. The book I am reading is "John's Story, The Last Eyewittness" about the Apostle John and his writing of his gospel. It is not heavy in any means but it is a nice mix between the Gospel as we know it and fictional story of what we don't. It has kept my interest and I usually read a chapter or two and the smoke my pipe and think about what I have read. This today seemed to be theraputic enough to spur me to come back in and write again. Not about anything in paticular, but to write. I feel right at this point as if this has made up for my lack of interest in the morning. That I will have accomplished something that will be good for you to read and bring you once again into my life here, my thought and me. I believe that my walk has so much to do with the others around me, even you that are not around me. That I have a purpose to, in some way bring you something that you may think about or find useful for your day. If I can't bring you that the I feel as if the day was wasted. Looking at this day it is representative of our Christian walk. Some days we just are with it, we struggle and poke along knowing what we should be doing or feeling but just not able to get there. When we begin to maove in the right direction then we can change this circumstnace. When we begin to act for others then we definately can change the circumstance. See I don't believe you can do anything in a positive way for other people and not have a positive outcome. It may not be an explosive flip from night to day, but you can't help but feel better. This second writing has done that, caused at least a little switch to go off. I will leave you with this. Have a nice day and do something nice for someone around you. Do something nice for alot of people around you. In a small way show Jesus Christ to somone at the very least you will feel good, at the best they will also. God Bless.

Cricket Match.

I am fortunate to be here in Afghanistan with men from all around the world. It is an opportunity, and has been, to experience a little piece of each culture. I know it is not the same as being with them at their homes but all in all it has been good. Americans probably don't even know that for the last month the World Cup of Cricket has been going on. Like the Soccer World Cup, this is big and creates lots of excitment for the Middle Eastern and Western Asian countries. After a long road to get to this point last night was the Semi Final match between India and Pakistan. To put it in perspective, this is the United States vs. Russia. Because of the excitment amongst the men, the Camp Manager allowed them to watch the match, starting at 13:30, if their jobs so allowed it. The tent was packed starting just before the game right on through to the end. Now I never knew anything about Cricket before being here. The guys have been kind enough over these World Cup matches to explain the game to me. It is not as complicated as it looks, and very similar to baseball. Like anything else, once I understood the game, I have better enjoyed watching it when I had the chance. I would have liked it more if the US had a showing but they are almost like the Bermuda Bobsled Team in this sport. I think the guys chuckled when I asked about them. Anyway, I was fortunate enough to spend the evening hours watching the game with the mostly Indian crowd. Every inch of space was filled and each man had his little view of the TV. I will say something that is different, they are definately more social. There is no way that Bob would let Joe sit on his lap to watch the Superbowl. Definately different in that regard. Sitting amongst them was fun. Thankfully the game ended with India winning by 30 points. Very close in Cricket. Two key batsmen from Pakistan got out relitively early in their overs so that created much aplause. the final Ball was the big one, when mathmatically Pakistan could not win, the guys went crazy. What a pleasure to see them hooting and hollering. Even through some water around to make it a little bit crazier. On Saturday will be the Final game. India vs Srilanka, this will be even bigger. For this the camp will pull out all the fixens. Curry, goat, chicken the party planned weeks ago. Singh stated that if they win it they will make much noise and run around the camp. Sounds familiar. I am looking forward to it. I wrote this blog in essence to remember the moment I shared with these men. I look forward to the final game and seeing these guys have some more enjoyment.

Sinner? We All Are.

"If we claim to be without sin, we decieve ourselves and the truth is not in us." 1 John 8 How many people would claim to be sinners in this world? You can ask anybody and most would be offended if you even breached the subject with them. The average person truly sees the things that they do on a normal basis as ok, normal or part of the everyday world. True there are some just rotten people who will shout from the rooftops that they are sinners and going to Hell as a sort of badge of honor or something. They like to be different then the average citizen. There are even Religious people, Christians and others who would tell you that they don't sin, that they also are different then the average citizen. Look at the passage above and think about what it is stating. Believer or not this verse applies! I don't believe that there is one person out there, regardsless of who you are that can truley deny that there has never been anything in your life that was sinful. I will even go a little further, take it away from the Biblical perspective and say that there is bnot one person out there who has never done anything that they knew was wrong but did it anyway. Probably more than once and with relief that nobody found out about it. I know that I have in the past. Now if you are sitting there reading this an dening again that this is the truth then I think that you really need to pause and think. I am writing this today I believe because I think that people, anybody, looses track of what is good and right in their lives. That some may say that the Bible is nothing but bunk, that the things in it are obtrussive, and burdonsome, and that it does not apply to anybody but the Believers. But that is not true. Have you ever wondered where the little voice in your head comes from? What is it that you hear when you are on the wrong side of what is good for your marriage? When you are angry at another? When you did something that three seconds later you thought you shouldn't have done. Here is a hint from Romans 1:19-20 "since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. For since the creation of the world God's invinsible qualities - his eternal power and divine nature - have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse". Every one of us has the knowledge of God, if you choose to accept it or not, and in that knowledge we know right from wrong. We have the little voice that tells us that what e are doing is not good. I am sending a man home from here today who has done something against company policy. As a matter of fact it was straight up wrong. He made a bad descision and it cost him his job. When talking with him he knew it was wrong, and now was worried about his wife finding out that he was fired. He was contemplating lieing to his wife to cover himself but then was worried that God would be mad for the subsequent lie. This is a vision of the battle thet satan wages in this world. The man obviously knew right but chose wrong. The choice he had after was to either do right or do wrong again. The concern was now not only to his wife but also to God. Some might not worry about God, but the coices might be familiar. I think the primary pont to this message today is, that sin in our lives is real. Call it good and bad choices, call it whatever, but it is real. To say that you are not a sinner, in some fashion denies truth, biblical truth or your truth. If you don't want to be honest before God because you may feel He doesn't exist, then be honest with yourself and realize this struggle. For me, I wrestle with this stuff as my heart, the convictions of the Spirit require me to do so. For you, do you really want to be dishonest? Do you really want to lie to even yourself? If you brush this off as nothing, aren't you as John states above, without truth? Lord Jesus, you were the only sinnless man to walk the earth. You came to show us the truth of God so that we may have an example. We know the truth, we know your word, and we know that in that word we are set free. For those that deny this truth they truly then will remain in bondage, I pray that they don't. In your precious name, Amen

What, Me Broken?

I catually sat down today, started writing a post and have just now saved it for a future occasion. I did this because I was struggle to write for a verse that stuck out to me this morning during my daily devotionals, 2 Corinthians 7:9-10. I stopped because I began to edit as I wrote. Over and over again I was removing words and sentences and with that I realized that it was not right. Many of you that read my Blog have seen the misspelled words within it. Probably hundreds of times at this point if you have been reading since the begining. That is because I do not edit or reread the posts before posting it. I write from begining to end in one sitting and try to let the words just flow. Somedays they come slowly and others very quickly. For me this is a small testimony to the Spirit in my life, this outpouring of sorts. I will go to something else that is on my heart. My brother replied to a post on Facebook of mine yesterday regarding being "Broken". This is a point of discussion that we have had for a while now. I state that I was broken, still am, and he thinks that this is not the case. He does not relate to the idea of brokness in man. I thought about my response, as most do on Facebook, to his statement. the explination that I put back to him is one that Frank has used in the past and I really think that it illustrates well the definition. If something is not used for its intended purpose, for what it was designed to do then it is in essence broken. I think Frank, if I recall correctly, used a cell phone to hammer in a nail. the result was definately brokeness. For me, it is this same realization, or it was, that I was not doing what God intended for me to do, to glorify Him. To love Him with all my heart, sole and mind. To have fellowship with Him and enjoy Him and glorify Him in all that I do. If I am outside of that, outside of obediance, outside of what His design and purpose was for me then in essence I am broken. I understand that this is foolishness to some. That until you truly realize God and understand that God created you. That He gave us free choice so that we were not slaves to Him and in that choice we went astry. That as in any situation similar to this there is consiquence to acting outside of what is acceptable. And however there is, through Gods grace, a way of redemption from our disobediance through Jesus Christ. It is not further penalty, death, in Jesus but the life that God intended you to have origanally. It is also similar to dealing with your child. You set the standards by which they live within your house. You give them rule in which you expect them to follow. When they excersise their own free will, outside of your rules, you impose discipline. I think every parent does or has. Yougive a punishment fitting the offense, but at the same time you offer an eventual pardon. you ground them for a week, so they may learn their lesson. You don't however, do as some unbelievers do, or want done for them. You don't allow your children to do whatever they want, make any choice that they feelwithout consequence. You also wouldn't stand by and listen as the child made a statment such as this "well I know that you are my father (that there is a God) but I don't believe that I have to do what you say (believe your word)." Nor would you allow them to say "yes you say you created me, but I don't believe you so I will just ignore you". I could go on like this all day. What is the true foolishness is how people, adults, will not follow through from one circumstance to another. When the new TV, doesn't show a picture, we say it is broken and bring it back. What if the man at the store says sorry, it still has the sound so I will not take it back. So in the same instance because my life is typically good to the standards set by the world, then I must not be broken! My brothers position is from the worlds perspective and therefore because the descision of if he is truly broken or not will put him into a point if his life is truly what he thinks it is, it is easier to deny the truth of brokeness then to change the brokeness. Ultimately, however, and unfortunately however, we will all stand on our own in front of God. We will be the child before the father, and when He asks to explain our lives, why we broke the rules of the house, you know as well as I do that, the answer that we give will be directly related to the punishment. Lord, nothing you have asked of me is difficult or out of line. All your commandments, your word, the fruit that I have seen in my life is good and righteous. There has been no harm in anyway to me as I have followed you with an open and loving heart. I pray that those who see this as follishness see their lives for what they can be. They see that you have and will give them everything that they need, their hearts desires. that you will only take away the things that are not of you, that are seeded in sin and disobediance. That like a good father, you want only the best for your children. That the only one who wants other then their good, wants their eternal destruction also. In your name I pray. Amen.

James 5:16

I can not be a hypocrat! I continue to work things out in my life that I struggle with, as all men do and I believe in the truth of the Gospel and the power of the Holy Spirit working in my life. I also believe that I am to be poured out and therefore through me others may find the same truth that I know. What this means is that sometimes I lay myself bare so that others may benefit, believing in my heart that it will be worked for the good by God. In these writings so often I speak of the blessings that I see on a day to day basis. I speak of the way the Word of God impacts me in my life. I sometimes even discuss the hardships of being here, "the ache" that I feel. But knowing that so many read this Blog sometimes causes me to skirt some of the issues that are deep withing me. I may do that today but my initial intention is to discuss a struggle so that satan can not cause it to be a stumbling block to me, and so that I remain honest in my walk. I pray in advance for the right words and that this be used by God and for the benefit of others. James 5:16 states "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." If there are any righteous men out there please kepp me in your prayers. Anyway, if you are a Christian man you have probably heard tof the book "Every Mans Battle." Now I have never read this book but I know what the subject matter is and that is the reference point for this blog. Further detail is unnecessary. This battle has been a struggle of mine for years. Circumstances of my life I believe have conditioned me to this, and to this day the battle remians. It is so often mentioned in my blogs as the thorn that I have that I never seem to get rid of. It can go unnoticed for so long and then become a festering sore, that I just can't move past. Some days I agonize over my descisions and many times become self condeming in my failures to control what should be easily controled. This obviously is a subject that is difficult to discuss. It is embarassing and in some ways private but is that is the very reason why I am writing. In there lies, as I said earlier, where satan can do his dirty work. Sin, any sin, is caused by man falling short in his life of the glory of God. We place something in our lives that we hold more valuable then His fellowship. Paul states quiet truthfully in Romans 3:23 " for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God." If not in the way I now speak but in some way, all men fall short. In order to combat this, to glorify God, to remove the idea of embarrassment, I lay this out there for all. Being away, has created difficulty in this area. I have my accountabilty group back home, and we have spoken of the subject but to there point it is difficult for them to hold me accountable so far away. It is even more difficult for them to hold me accountable, when my fear holds the information back from them. So many times I long that the subject be brought up and then that fear and embarassment sneaks in and keeps me quiet. Relief is the best way to describe it when the hour passes and the confession is not made. Is this not the eart of others. Don't we know the right thing to do and fail to do it? Is that not unrighteousness and therefore more sin? I have also, very openly discussed this with my wife, controlling desires and thoughts multiplied by lonliness. It would be for other men the excuse to be unfaithful or to visit strip clubs and such. For me, as part of my attempt to combat this, brought this to the one person that it effects more then me. It if left unchecked, even if left only in the accountability group, can create division in the relationship with my wife. A secret, an embarassment, mistrust. I chose not to allow that when I first told her, I knew that it would be a blow to satan. So she prays for me now, she helps me move past the thoughts, when I chose to bring it to her. So now in following with James 5:16, I confess to the broader population of my readers. I do this now, and I feel the sting of satan lesson in this. I confess this struggle, of every man, that seems never to tottaly leave me. I chose to place it out to those that will see it and who will pray, and not condem as they understand ththe purpose. For those who may not, it is because more then my own self presservation here in this world, I chose to glorify God. I know this to be a struggle and because of that I know that I must lay it at the feet of my Savior and ask that His grace abound. I know that ultimately he works all things for he good for those who love Him, and in some way that will occur from this. I also understand that there is no cheap grace and that I can not just simple brush this off. That my discipleship to Jesus Christ is not always as easy as forgetting about sin, or acting as if some sin is less deadly than others. I understand that Christ suffered for this as He did for any other sin in this world, and therefore it means He suffered every time I fail. I am a Christian and that means something. I can not and will not allow sin to remain, and then walk in this world as a light to others. Through this open testimony I have taken a step in faith, I have created movement which I now trust in Gods hands. Lord Jesus, may, in the way you only know, these words be used to your glory. May I also be released by this burdon, satans bond be broken, and walk in freedom from today on. I rebuke any further power and purpose that satan may have in this area of my life and am set free by this testimony. Amen

Satans Trap

I believe one of satans traps set for Christians is this notion that we are not allowed to move without hearing from God. That every descision in life must be met with absolute clarity on the matter or we just can't do anything. Isn't it funny that we generally only apply this to the big things in life. That we trust that we should get out of bed in the morning but changing jobs requires absolute certainty. It seems that we are missing the true freedom of walking with God and having the Holy Spirit within our hearts.

The "Truth" will set us free. It will allow us to live in fellowship with God. It will allow us to live on this planet, with these people, in this circumstance, right now in the knowledge that He is with me. If I have my heart set on Him He is faithful to be with me. Now you may say, wait a minute, what about when bad things happen. What if I move and the time isn't right? What if God wasn't ready for me to get out of bed just yet? Come on. He know the hairs on your head for his sake. Do we really believe that he can't work around whatever we do? The question is not if something bad happens, it is if your heart remains true and faithful.

So much is running through my head right now so I hope to not get to lost, sorry in advance if I do. If we look back in the Bible, the Isrealites continually moved away from God and back to God. When they were away from Him, life got tough. Sometimes when they were near Him life was tough. But the common theme was that God was there with them and when their hearts were set on Him, things worked out. As so as the set their heart on on idol, well back they went to the bad. See, it was not the circumstance that they were in but the condition of their hearts that God was looking at.

Here is another thought. Who did Jesus send to us after He went up to the Father? The Counselor, the Holy Spirit correct? Where does the Spirit reside in all believers? Our hearts! Yes our hearts. Now I am no genious, but what better place for the one who is to guide us to be then the same place where God looks to check our attitude, our hearts. See, the Spirit is there to convict you when you are not focussed on God, when you are not following Jesus. We get instant feedback from the one who knows best. Now if we chose to accept this is up to us, free will.

So following this lets have an example of being in Gods will. Your Boss, gets mad at you, you can either A) get mad back and lose your job or B) realize that e is fallen and broken and having satan rule his world and wittness to him in your kind actions and words? Choose, A or B. Here is a hint, one will be glorifing to God and the other won't. One will be in Gods will and one won't. One choice you will hear the Spirit say "No don't do this" and the other you will heear the "spirit say "this is what Jesus would do".

I'll give you one more, a big one that I hear often. I hate my job, and want to quit but I know this is where God has me right now. If He wants me somewhere else then He will open the doors. this is raught with subtle satan! What if the reason that your jpob sticks is because you bring a terrible attitude to it everyday and use everyone else as your exuse to that attitude? Glorifing to God or not? What if the job really does stick and is not where God wants you but out of fear of the unknown you stay? Glorifing or not? What if you stepped out, in faith, mad ethe best of where you were, no matter where that is, set your heart on Him and moved, either at the current job or in a new venture? Wouldn't you think that He would be there for you?

See, we have become circumstantial in nature. We look at things only from pride, what is in it for me? Yes this is true and at the root of most sin. I will get out of bed without even thinking of the consequences, easy, but worry that God might leave me if I change jobs at the wrong time. God is not that circumstantial, He is loving and caring and want s only fellowship again with us. If you get angry it is ok, as long as it is righteous anger towards injustice. If you want to take a risk in a new job, do it, but realize that no matter how much you try you may end up in the same place, unless your heart changes.

Trust God to be bigger then our little imaginations can fatom. trust that He would not have made this any more complicated then it needs to be. He certainly wouldn't want to cause us agonizing pain in our daily descsions and thus keep us in some bondage with satan. He set us free by allowing us to set our hearts, the well spring of our soul, the place wher ethe spirit lives on Him, and then He says He will take care of everything from there, good and what we think is bad. Trust the Word, trust the one who asks for our burdons, Jesus Christ. Trust God and live.

Lord Jesus, you are the way the truth and the light, may we set our hearts on you in all things and know that the truth will set us free from these simple burdons. Amen

Seen and Unseen

"Therefore don't lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Many aspects to these few verses, but the same punch line! What will happen when you die? What will you stand on at he end of your life, when the body has wasted away? When you are so weak not to be able to move or open your eyes. When you are laying in a bed, on machines, barely holding on, will good works be able to be performed at that point? Will you only then have the memories of all the things that you have done?

We are slowly dieing, wasting to nothing. From dust to dust, nothing to nothing. This is the cycle of our existance. There is not one thing we can do to stop the inevitable end to our lives here on earth, nothing. It is the great equalizer. Some it happens soon, maybe too soon, others hold on until they barely are anything left, slowly waiting for the end. Then with one last breath, they move from this world that they have known for a handful of years to the eternal world in which they spend eternity.

Our lives are full of many things, many events that fill us with memories, joys, and sorrows. We live and experience all that we want to, as much as we want to, we walk and choose our path, the things that we want to accomplish. We save and plan, educate and work, all to make our lives better, all to find happiness. The world tells us that this is what is important. That happiness is just around the corner and you are almost there. We chase this with vigor, some without regard for anyone. We chase it and it, remains empty, and so we chase it even more. This is our life, made of our own free will. It's the good life! It is what is seen,

What about the unseen? What about God and His plan? Many say that they believe in God as they hope that the small place they give Him in their busy lives will be sufficient for Him to go back on His Word. Just like everything else, in this world, we look only from what makes us feel good and happy. We try to wash over the feeling that there is a true God with some half hearted attempt to apease Him. As we fill the gap that was formed at the fall with other things God just watches and wonders why you keep missing the true fullfillment in your life.

When you realize, truly realize the truth, that God did create everything, that would include His Word, and there is truly an eternity, then you begin to realize that what you thought was your free ticket was not, and that on the day of your impending death, you actually stand at the gate to eternity. Your possesions and everything else behind you, your naked judgement just ahead. What can you do now? What time do you have to change? As the door closes you will not be able to look back, go back.

So at the foot of eternity, ahead lies the potential for eternal glory and behind only temporay troubles. No matter how large they loomed while you walked through them, the were truly only temporary. All the choices you made, the descisions that went well, the ones that didn't. All the times that you could have chosen to glorify God, listen to His word, simply place in your heart that Jesus was Lord and Savior, you chose the temporary relief and self pleasure, pride, now matters. Remmebr on your death bed there is no going back.

I chose, to live my moments eternally. To set in my heart that I am following the Truth of Gods Word, not just my idea of what that means but what it tells me. I stand that Jesus Christ is Lord and Savior and that is not an aweful thing, that in the worlds eyes I may be a freak, but this freak has set His heart on the glory of God and nobody will be able to disprove that working in my life. That what is here is only temporary, the troubles and burdons of my life, but with Christ I will move through the door of my death and see the face of God. That everyday, is my day to place in my heart that I lived it for Him, and if I die before I wake, it won't be my deeds that went with me, but my soul, my heart.

Lord, all will die and leave this world. Some have lived death and will remain in death, for them I pray. That they may see your glory and the follies of their ways. That their pride may keep them from what you have made available to all eternally. I pray also for those that do know you. That they know that this all shal pass, and what ever the burdon is now it is only temporary. May your peace and love wash over all who read this and their lives be laid bare in reflection. May they know you as Lord and Savior. Amen.

More of a Man Then I Could Ever Hope To Be

It is not about me! It is about Him, living, breathing and longing to be near Him in my heart and in my soul in my body. All that I am needs to be focussed on Him. I get away from this and I statr to consider my needs, what I am feeling, my emotions, but that is not a good place to be. As a matter of fact it is the wrong place to be.

Christ simply says, to us, "Follow Me." Was he being selfish, only thinking of His feelings on the cross or was He solely concerned with others? With me? With you? If I am to follow Him then I must also not be selfish. I must look at the cross as an example, as Jesus died so should I. Easier said then done however, right? We simply are not strong enough to die of self and look outside of our own selfishness in the pursuit of feeling good.

I read once, somewhere, that we know we are moving closer to a life with Christ the more we can walk into a room and see the needs of others. When we see the pain, the pride, the lonliness of those around us and then we move to correct that need. As I see it, if I stop and ask what is in it for me then I am way outside of the life of Christ. If I go so far as to think of how it will affect me then I am outside also. If we simply move to the need and selflessly allow the Spiirt to work through us then we are "Following Him".

So yesterday, and so many other days, I get into a woe is me, and I am down mood. Really, so what, Mike. Shut up already! Are you trying to follow Him or look to Him only when it is convieniant and cozy. Be a man, the man of God, and move past it. Be as Jesus and hang for a bit from the wood and fell just a miniscual portion of the pain that He felt. As I recall, all the accounts state that He did not cry out like a little child, He indured for me, FOR ME. A man, would not have done the same.

I am glad that I go up and down like this because I can see where I need help and growth. Oh the Lord, the Spirit inside me is an amazing thing, if I listen. "Hey Mike, it is not about you if you want to Follow. It is about them. You will be ok just follow." Listening is the key however. Don't wallow and agonize, wrestle and churn it up in the pit of your stomach. Ask what it is, and where it is from. Like today this now comes from it, and this is good!

I will end with this and I don't even think that contextually it fits but who cares. If you are not in a relationship with Jesus Christ then you are dead. I don't care if you think that God exists or not, Jesus is the Messiah and our Savior and anything less then faith in that will not get you into fellowship with God. I testify to the Holy Spirit working in me and through me. If you don't believe me, then disprove it, but I will stand before God and He will see my heart. What will you have? Are you willing to stand on how many times you did a good deed, or maybe it is better that you stand on the fact that Jesus Christ will stnad before you on that day? Your choice of course. Want life, Follow Christ!

Lord Jesus, thank you. You are more of a man then I can ever hope to be. I am glad that I can stand with you. Amen.

No Catchy Title on This One!

Today maybe back to a little bit of the basics of my life here. I am sitting here trying to hear from the Lord, looking back over my reading from my devotions and all I keep getting is this, your is a little slump right now. Yes, I am just feeling like I am in limbo here, set between now and the time I am to leave. The words of my friend Brian back home ring in my head, "Go back and finish strong, right to the end." That at this point seems a difficult task.

See my mind is aying that I am wrapping up here, but true reason says you still have a quarter of your time to go. The two positions seem to be taking equal portion at this time. Yes I have great moments of accomplishment and of spiritual bliss but then on days such as this just very little at this time. Now don't get me wrong this is truly my fault, several factors play into this feeling, and none of them will I blame on the Lord.

My mindset for one. I am not truly focussed on glorifing the Lord at this time. If I were the down would be up. The bad turned to good. I would purpose my heart to see Him in all the things around me, but instead I am wallowing in and out of that place and satan then plays. I also still on some days wrestle with my "thorn" and that causes me to come out of the starting block slow if at all. Troubles the heart and my mind doesn't just squash it and move on, I sit and ponder the consequenses, I look for the root cause that I have never seemed to find.

I also have some worldy problems, things that we all go through with our work situation and changes in circumstances of that. Here many things are different and many the same. I will tell you that it is far more like the Old West in regards to how people act and do their work, how they treat others and what is acceptable. On the outside we are an American Company with American standards but on the inside, friendships and special treatment, inconsistancy and the like run rampid. I do my best to do the right thing but I think, with so little time, I have resound myself that I won't be able to fight the machine more than my own little world.

I Have also been waiting for the right moment to distribute more of the donated materials that have been sent from the Sataes. I have gotten into this idea that more is coming so just wait but I think now that that is not correct. I want there to be enough for everybody but there just might not be anymore coming. I just now thought, Mike, give everything and the Lord will make an abundance. See, even in this, I have forgotten a value of mine. Hum!

Maybe it is that I am looking at life as stages. Is that what we do, look at things in segments, life, work. We set goals. Make promises to ourselves. Plan for things. Isn't that against what the Bible teaches us? "Plan for nothing" as I recall. Maybe my focus should be on what I will do right now. What am I giving to Him at this moment. My heart, my hands, my mind, my life. Instead of thinking I should just go back to acting like when I first came here, I had nothing to loose then. Now I do.

Maybe that is really it. Maybe I have lost the unbridaled walk forward each day. Maybe, even in this I have become comfortable and therefore I now have something to loose. Maybe I am bored and now can allow myself to wonder. Just like at home, I am a stagnet Christian in the circumstance of Afghanistan. Life has become easy again and I can ignore the things that I used to have to rely on. Maybe I should pray for the ache so that my butt will be in a position that it must take action. Something.

I guess so that I am not just rambling. I am in a funk today, maybe over the last few days. Nothing traumatic or anything close to what I used to get into, but definately not as high as I have been. Recogognizing it and doing something about it is important. So I set focus and take a step forward and may I glorify God through this.

Lord, even in the desert you are there. The Spirit lead Jesus out to this place so that he may be strengthened and so I ask the same for me. I recognize your presence in all things and in this I must be strengthened. My trust and hope is always in you. Amen.

In the Margins

Today as I read my Bible I came came to 2 Corinthians 1:8-11. In the left hand margin I had written the date with a bracket to the passage. The date was 11/28/10, just after Thanksgiving one of the hardest times I have had here in Afghanistan.

As I recall, I was ready to pack it in here. I was done with this journey and set my heart on giving up and going home. All I could think about was what I was missing, my family, my friends, the Church. Everything that had any significance was on my mind and drawing me towards the conclusion that I can do just as well at home.

I know that Catherine and I had talked, alot, about this. I had sent emails to Frank and others almost looking for the confirmation to the thoughts in my head. Each day I would rationalize more and more that going home was the best place for me. It was in fact almost as agonizing as the first three days I was here in Afghanistan. I know that not only Catherine but others were praying for me, for discernment and comfort. Nothing would have stopped me at the time from giving up.

In the right hand margin I wrote this. "I was in much dispare yesterday and today, as of now, I am ok. This passage I read this morning. God Speaks." God speaks! I just cried thinking of those words. God speaks. Here is the passage.

"We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despair even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many."

I know at some point right around that time Catherine and I spoke in depths of the attack that was occuring to us. I wanting to come home and she just exhausted from keep things going at home and work. We bth had stumbling blocks placed in front of us and it was difficult. But we became strengthened in our faith as we move the blocks. I recall that we determined that we would not discuss the negative aspects of the situation in a defeatest manner. That we would see th opportunities that were at hand for us if we moved in our faith hrough the trial. We knew that seeing only the struggle played into satans hand and his objective to have us no focus on Christ.

From that time forward I recogognized the truth in this verse, "But this happenend that we might not rely on ourselves but God." That I, we, were weak and broken and could not come through this mire without true hope. Without a desire to do more then satisfy ourselves and our own desires for comfort. I saw that not by my own strength but only by the strength of the Almighty Creator could I endure.

This change in perspective has lasted since. It has brought greater understanding of my relationshi with Jesus Christ. I have been able to lead my family, my wife, also through the trial. Strengthening in my faith and my faith strengthening them. I understand now that any trial, any stumbling block that is turned up before us is an opportunity to strengthen our faith. God makes all things to the good for those who love Him. I can use any circumstance to glorify God and because of that I am set free from the burdens that may otherwise hold me down in defeat.

"On Him we have set our Hope that He will continue to deliver us." Continue He has. Not ceasing in my times of struggle, only waiting for me to turn back to Him. He is faithful and desires only the best for me. Through that confirmation I am made strong. Through knowing that His hand is right there beside me, all I need to do is reach for it has become my comfort.

The trial, the pain and agony of last November is gone, but a brief reminder written in the margin of Bible. A powerful moment for me and my faith however, a mark of the start of my deeper understanding and faith. My journey not over, but nearing the end, I will endure, as you can through the trials of your life. We can overcome, even death, through faith in Jesus Christ. His truth will set us free and set us apart because we find new Hope in Him. A hope that comes from within but is fueled by the Spirit within us. We can endure if we see each circumstance, trial and joy as an opportunity to glorify Him and have Him deliver us.

Holy Father, your truth is forever and like a rock that we may always stand opon. Let us not be defeated by the lies of satan but made strong by you as we continue to glorify you in all things. You truley turn darkness to light and death to life. In my near defeat you brought me closer to you and I thank you. In your prcious name Lord we pray. Amen

1 Corinthians15:58

Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.
1 Corinthians 15:58

It would be so easy to seperate my work here into two chuncks, one for my employer and one for Jesus. As a matter of fact that is what my first thought was when I sat to write this Blog today. Hey I work for the Lord here and and ignore the fact that I also do my regular work. I was also thinking of how I could write about how I just get so tired of some of the quarks of this place and the people that I work with. That frustration most days has to be held in check or I will just lose it. But then I had time to think, they are not seperated. As a matter of fact they are intricately related.

I am one with Jesus Christ. If I identify myself to Him, calling Him Lord and Savior, then we are eternally joined. This becomes inseperable and no matter where or what or why, He is with me and I Him. So I can not rightful and ligitimately give one peice to the Lord and another to my employer. So I must be bond by my faith and as the scripture tells us, I must stand firm (in my faith) and give myself fully (to whatever I am doing) to the Lord.

As I reflected I went back over occasions in the last few days when in my head I was just cursing out my boss or co workers. Thinking of things that I would say if just given the chance. Oh if I could really tell them what I think. One or two occasions I came close in an actual verbal response. But I thought further. Where would this be coming from? Yes it would be great to tell the egomaniac that he is just that, but who would that serve? It would be simple to chastise an employee, but would that represent Jesus in my life? Trust me, the fact that I am even thinking in this way is proof to me that The Holy Spirit is still working in my life. A few years back I wouldn't have even paused and I might have already been fired or moved because of my quick mouth.

On the other hand I could look at just the work for the Lord and apply this scripture only to that. That would be missing a whole lot of the reality of the situation. I could sit back and only reflect on the good and easy things and never really be giving myself fully to anything. See again, if we seperate the when and where we miss the entire picture. Our lives, our committment to Jesus Christ is an all or nothing thing. No half way on this one sorry to say. Not that it will, or that I can be perfect but I must press to get it all included in the picture.

Here where this begins to pay off a bit. People notice and Christ can then work through you in imeasurable ways. Wich is better, that I can weather a verbal storm from some other broken person or that I got to get my pride all puffed up and tell them off? Which one would have no value to the Lord, no real value to anything? But holding fast to the values of a Christian, letting the Holy Spirit speak before you do. Wlaking like Jesus is standing right there next to you and will tap you on the shoulder at the first thought of something evil. That is where we should be.

The fruit of this is many. We will never know what the outcome will be from each time we don't play into degrading conversations of another at the coffee pot. What the outcome will be from keeping humility in the face of adversity. What it will be to be the Christian in the group, the goody two shoes that doesn't do this or that. It won't matter because we know that we do not labor in vain.

So I won't seperate the work, regardless of what the work is, parent, husband, Pastor, Elder, Transportation Manager, whatever it may be, as all this work is the work of my life in Christ Jesus. It is the work that God the Father has assigned me to and in that I should only seek to glorify Him by it. Anything else and I must evaluate what I am doing.

Lord Jesus, may always be reminded of your Spirit Dwelling in me and working through me. May I not deviate from my calling to glorify your name. May my life and my Spirit be one and may they continue to move closer and closer in uunity until the day that I die. Amen.

Commitment to Prayer and Evangalism

Our Vector Control (Dog Catcher, Bug Killer, etc) yesterday hurt his ankle pretty bad. He was checking his vehicle late in the evening to make sure he had locked it up and that the Dispatch Paperwork was completed. As he returned from the parking area he cut between a container and a tent and ended up tripping over the tent rope and twisting his ankle, real good. He could barely walk in the morning and apperently when it happend in the evening he could only crawl back to the Medics office as he could not get up on his feet.

Vector is a good guy. He takes his work seriously. He is a little rough around the edges but for the most part he doesn't swear or act up in any way. I saw Him in the morning and offered my help to him as he was having trouble getting around. That is how I found out about the incident. I offered any assistance during the day that I could because he needed it, of course he refused but thanked me. Throughout the day, I checked on him, poking my head through his door, offering to get him a heating pad if needed. Each time again refusing, the help but thanking me for checking.

At around 1500, I walked out to go check on the guys and see what was going on in the Department. As I came over to the offices there stood Robert with another Kenyan man. After a hug to Robert he introduced me to his friend. As I turned, here came Vector, hobbling and using his snake grabber as a cane, from the bath rooms. I turned back to robert and said, look at him, he can barely walk, I think he needs your prayer.

You see Robert prays a healing prayer and the last time that I saw him do it, for a broken wrist, the person was healed. Not only any person, but Chaplin Reagule who was injured on a convoy when she first arrived here. Robert after seeing her cast prayed over it, and her wrist, and the next day the Chaplin had her cast removed, she was not in pain, and she was healed, confirmed by her testimony and the Doctors bewilderment. So I knew if anybody could help Vector it was Robert, and Robert agreed. Robert was also the man that God sent me on the third day in Afghanistan when in my mind I was defeated. Robert also prayed over me, and from that moment on I was strengthend and have been here for nine months now. I believe in the Spirit working through his prayer.

So here is the neat part, watching Robert speak to Vector. He is an evangalist and when he speaks you can see why. He doesn't parse words and he trusts the word and authority that God has given us and he goes right at it. As Vector came up and stepped up onto the deck, Robert said, "my brother, you are injured, I would like to pray for you". This took Vector by surprise as he looked at me. I said "you should let him because it will work, he will heal your leg". Like any good person he said "oh no, you don't need to waste your prayer on me. Pray for somone else." He was uncomfortable.

Robert, without missing a beat, said to him "No, I wish to pray for your healing. God has made you perfect and he wants you to be healed. This is evil that has caused you to be injured and we will rebuke that evil." Let me tell you, Robert speaks with authority. It makes me uncomfortable at times as it is unusual to hear in such a manner. Vectors response was as you could imagine, wasn't going to have it. He actually said that he was not rightt with God and that he didn't think that God would help him. Roberts response was this, "let me stand in the gap then for you. I will pray in the name of Jesus and you will be healed." Intercessory prayer 101! I love this stuff.

"No, no" said Vector but Robert slowly placed his hand up on Vectors shoulder and the man stood still and bowed his head. He stopped talking and bowed his head. Right there on the deck near the offices, Robert began to pray over this man. I raised my right hand in agreement and stood and listened to Robert give it his all. The Blood of Jesus. Rebuking satan. Healing for this man. Bam! Robert gave it everything and ended it wit a laying on of his hands to the mans leg proclaiming that he was healed. Vector raised his head and thanked Robert. Robert blessed him.

This is faith in action. This is evangalism, intercession and wittness to our faith all in one. I don't know if Vector is healed. I don't know if he believes he can be healed. What I do know is that man bowed his head and for that few minutes as Robert prayed tha man was in fellowship with Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit. There was no way that his mind could not be reflecting on the words that Robert spoke. There is no way that he could not have been in some way wrestling with his faith, do I believe or don't I? Robert did stand in the gap at that moment and a field was plowed and the soil broke by the planting of a seed.

Only God will know and decided where this leads, if healing will occur, maybe even if the healing that occurs is not in his leg. Only God knows the ultimate plan for Vector and this moment. But this is what we are called to do. To take each opportunity to be faithful and glorify God in it. To be a light even in the darkness. To stand firm in our beliefs even if those around us see it as foolishness. I hope to be as couragious as Robert one day. How about you?

Lord, first I pray continued healing, of mind body and soul for Vector. Allow that prayer and this one to stand in the gap for him between this world and you father. I also pray that I bolster the courage as my Brother Robert has to be a faithful wittness to you father. I hope this also for the Body Lord, may they be strengthend. In your precious and Holy name. Amen.

A Testimony

Yesterday afternoon I had an opportunity to stand a bit and speak with Mohammad who has become a good friend to me while I was here. I will say this, I would be very pleased if my daughter were to find and marry a man like Mohammad as he at 25, is just a wonderful, responsible man. I often tell Mohammad that any girl in the United States would just love to find a guy like him because of his qualities.

We spoke awhile yesterday regarding what we will do after we leave Afgahanistan. I speak of completeing school and hopefully starting into Ministry and Mohammad talks of his plans. Yesterday as we watched some tent bases being built he spoke of the property that he has bought and the house he plans on having built for he and his family. Three stories, with his parents in the middle and he on top. His heart he said, now, is in making sure that his family is taken care of. By the race of Alha, he said, he will be able to do this.

If all goes well for him hae will have the house built by the fall of 2011 and then plans on returning home maybe by summer if he can find work. This lead us to discussing a possible visit by my family and I to India in the summer of 2012. He wouldn't hear anything of us possibly staying in a hotel, if his house is built then we would be welcome guest with his family. He knows how much I enjoy their culture and that would be a good way to experience it he said. He spoke then of the city in which he lives in and some of the things to see. His usual smile as he spoke.

He talked about his childhood in India and the things he used to enjoy. Cricket matches with his friends after school, football. He said also that he liked the rainy season as many of the teachers didn't show up to class so they would have time, all day, to sit and talk with their friends. Often, his mom would keep him home because she knew that he would be just sitting all day. He also liked riding the trains around the city, mostly so he would not be lost, all these memories.

He then asked me about something I had said once. That I was an angry man, and mean at times, a drinker. I told him only four years ago! He said Sir, what happened, you are not like that now? What made you change? I looked at him and said Jesus Christ Mohammad, I met Jesus. Now he knows me and knows that I am a Christian. He in fact helps me give the donations away to the men and has agreed to continue to do so even after I have left. But this is the first time he has asked me this. How did you change?

For me, this is the Gospel coming alive in my life. This is a moment of conformation to all that Jesus Christ teaches us. Be a light unto the world. A lamp on a lampstand. As our lives consistantly, not perfectly, but consistantly follow Jesus Christ the world will notice. This man is my friend and he neede to put two things together in his mind, what he knows of me now and what I was before. This is a testimony bore out of my life, of me living. It was not a tremendous oration of the work of the Holy Spirit in me just what I was, what happened to me and what I am now. A testimony!

I thank God for this opportunity. These moments make every minute of my time here worth it. These men, this man is my friend and part of my life and that would have never occurred if I hadn't come. We are willing to share our lives and hopefully our families lives later on and that would not have occurred if I had not come. I have been able to also share my Lord with Him in a way that is real and tangable to him, something that would have not happened unless I was here.

Glorify God in all that you do. Trust in Him wherever you are. Know that right where you are standing at this moment, the next moment, is the place where your opportunity is and where God wants you to be, as long as you are glorifing Him.

Lord, thank you for Mohammad and his friendship, thank you for all the men who I can now call friend. May I continue to give testimony in all that I do Lord. May I be your light and burn bright wherever you place me. Praise you Lord, and thank you, for the work of your hand in me and in my life. Amen.

Comfort and Peace

Since my return from R&R I have been really enjoying myself. The last time I came back I was in real turmoil for a while as all I could think about was not wanting to be here and returning home. You see, R&R reminds you of the things you love, I have said this before and there is difficulty in leaving the things that you love. At least there should be. This time however, after a short period of time I have fallen into a comfort zone that, like I said above, I am enjoying.

I think that one of the main things is that I am in the last third of this race. The end is in sight and the hard part is over. It is almost the same feeling as when you have a big trip planned for vacation and you are within a week or two of leaving. I know this is further out then that but the feeling is the same. Also, I believe that the words of Brian before I left this time have helped me see this in a different light, "finish strong and complete your task". He said it would be too easy just to coast out of this and come home. Really I see it now as an opportunity to leave this Camp having built something that will last, this in three ways.

First, I have lived as a Christian with these men for nine months. I have wittnessed in my life, my actions and my words to them for nine months. I have sowed tilled the soil, removed the stones, planted the seeds and now I must listen to the Lord and begin to harvest the crop. Not that I will save the multitudes but I know in my heart that I must now speak of the Lord in their lives so they can make a choice not just leave them in the field to wither and die.

Secondly, I can leave a Department here that is strong and able to go on without me. I can build up these men to be able to operate as a unit and have confidence in themselves and their abilities enough not to have to depend on me, or any other Manager, to get the work done. My responsibility is to build up and strengthen them so that they don't miss a beat when I leave. I have been able to build something strong with these men and their work and I want that to last as long as this Camp remains.

Lastly, as the donations of clothing and toiletries continue to come in for "Those That Serve the Troops" I see that this also will need to be strengthened and set up properly so that I can continue to provide necessities to the less fortunate workers here that are serving the Troops along side the American Contractors here. The need won't end and therefore I can not just get up and go without at least providing some way for the need to be met. So that also now is part of the race.

Another factor in play here is that I am one of the "Old Timers" here now. In a world that is measured in six month and one year intervals, things come and go quickly. Most of the Soldiers that I have been here with have gone home, thheir tours completed. Probably nintey percent of the Expats Manager and Supervisors that were at the Camp when I arrived have changed over or gone to another FOB. Now as people arrive, us that have been here a while, have the knowledge of old if I can say it that way. We know the History and progression of things, why things are the way they are.

This whole thing has caused some reflection on my part. I can look back over the entire year and see similar aspects of our Christen walk through the time line of this year and my life. When I first arrived everything was new and exciting. I was scared yet had anticipation for what was to come. I was uncomfortable because of all that I had know had been changed. My station in life and comfort zone had drastically changed so I saw things very differently. As time has gone on I have become acustomed to my surroundings, comfortable where I am at. I have adapted to my life here and what it is. Things aren't as new and exciting as they were before, I know what to expect. My life has settled into a new routine and my mind know it well. Things just move along at a constant pace now and it is as if I have been here for ever. I have found comfort and peace.

Is this not like our Christen walks? Is this not what we do after we come to Christ Jesus? We leap for joy, beam with excitment, learn new things, then settle into a routine of comfort and peace. I know to be careful however as some comfort and peace is not in the Lord, it is detrimental. So I continue to evaluate where this comes from for me, this comfort and peace. The worst thing that could happen is that I become so comfortable that I become useless to the Lord.

Lord Jesus, press me to give my all right up to the end, of this race and my life. I see what I can be and what I don't want to be and sometimes they are very close in their outward apperance. My comfort should be in you and with that I will find joy, if other places only slow death. Be also with those that read this that they will always reflect on where they are. In your precious name, Jesus. Amen.

His Timing.

Some days are just normal, basic, everyday days. Life just for living with nothing extrordinary to mark it as special or anything different than any other day. Maybe it is because I have come to expect something everyday taht when it doesn't happen it feels different, less memorable. Maybe it is because my heart consistantly moves, seeking to Glorify the Lord, purposedly and willingly looking for my opportunities that when they just don't come I notice it.

Don't get me wrong, I am not disappointed in the fact that today I am writing alomost for the sake of writing, that nothing stands out to me, for I know that I am still in a good place. That my life is fluid and my days will be varied as to the things that are accomplished and experienced. Sometimes I believe that I expect that everyday will have a blessing, that everyday will bring something that only could have been given from God. I expect that I will see exactly what the Lord had in mind for me as I moved in His presence.

Wait. As I sit here a thought came to me, the Spirit telling me that I am not being honest and forthcoming. My heart telling me that as I write that I was in His presence and that no blessing ocurred I fail to acknowledge that I was struggling abit yesterday with some thoughts. That my mind was not completely focussed on trying to remain in His presence. This morning, realizing some of this, as I prayed I asked for forgivness, His forgivness for not giving Him my everything. Even yesterday I wrote about the internal me and the external me and keeping them equal. This must be the place where this was to go.

Anyway, I guess as human I look always for confirmation in some way that I have done a good job, even in Gods eyes. I want some kind of confirmation that He noticed me so I can add points to my well done true and faithful soldier list. That wont happen and I should not expect it to. In fact we are to become infinately humble if we can, die to ourselves, and in that all we expect is to be used by Him completely.

So I have run into a stone in my field, not huge but non the less something that I need to deal with. I am glad that you were here during this moment. This can be worked for the good. The heart of this is my pride I guess. Can I admit a few things here. Can I tell you that I was not steadfast in my heart to Him and His Word. That even though I expect to see the blessings as confirmation, in reality there is no obligation for such. That I do only need to be humble in my service to Him, in faith and obediance.

So I pick up the stone from my field and place it in the pile of other stones. I ask the Lord to continue to work with these issues within me so that I may learn to move past them. It is all part of the process of our walk with Jesus, our obediance to God. In the end I guess the blessing really was for today, I see a little more of myself and move a little closer to Him.

Lord, you reveal to us the things you need us to know and see in your own timing. I should not expect things any faster and any differently then that. May my heart be more humbled, my pride less apperent and my sinfulness diminished and dried up. Amen.

It Is What Is On The Inside That Counts

"My worth to God in public is what I am in private".

Oswald Chambers

This quote comes from todays Utmost for His Highest. I read this statement several times, and pondered it each time. It caused me to evaluate my life, public and private. It caused me a little twinge of concern as I did as I thought how do the two stack up? Is there no difference or is there a big difference in the two? Stop now for a few minutes and just think of this quote, "My worth to God in public is what I am in private." For non believers I will make the challenge jujst to compare your personal life to your public and see how they stack up. Ok, take the time I offered now to think.

Find any descrepencies? Anything that while you are home, or in your car, office that you would not want anyone else to know about? If there was then these are the things that are being refered to at this time. Maybe we would be ambarrassed by them, scared, punished, whatever but the point is that we have created two selves, two Mikes. The one that we want people to see and the one that we don't want others to see.

For me as a Christian, Jesus asks us to be a light, a Holy Temple, and example, to do things out of love for others not out of personal gain. There is a multitude of descriptions of what we hould be to others all steming from the Holy Spirit within us. He also makes a point to the Pharisees that they are white washed tombs. Pretty on the outside, fresh, clean and dead on the inside, ugly and stale. This is what Chambers is relating to, that we can not have this duplicity in our lives. Chhristian or non Christian it is not the person that we should be, it is not Holy and it is not healthy.

I am truly only as good to God as my heart is, the well spring of my soul. I am only as useful to His Kingdom as the example that I am to others. I can fake it for a while but eventually the truth comes out and the worse things are that have been hidden and not worked out, the worse the judgement. For the Non Believer, no matter how "good" you want people to think you are, you are only as good as your worst thought when all is said and done.

To follow Christ is the realization that you do have these things within you that are not good, not Holy, not as the Creator intended for you. To be saved you don't have to be in a deep dark place with no other way out. Plenty of Christian families have children the grow up in a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. To be saved you only have to realize that what tends to be in you is not always "good" and that Jesus Christ will give you the one true path to what is truly "good", God.

So God knows what is on the iside. He will always judge according to what He sees there, be it now or at the time of our deaths, He will unfold the outer layer of what the public sees and look at our soul. There He will see who we truly were as we went about our lives. With this in mind we should continually evaluate, continually ask for forgivness, seek true repentance form the things that hinder us from truly glorifing Him in our lives. Then we are moving closer to a more full relationship with Him. For those "good" people, do the same evaluations and ernestly seek to improve what you find. You wouldn't want to be a white washed tomb.

Lord, even in me I find dark spots. I ask that I continue always to look for them and when I find them taht I am able to bring them to your feet, have true repentance and move closer to you. I long that I may have no difference between what is the public eye and what is in the private areas within me.

1 Corinthians 9:22b

"I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some"

1 Corinthians 9:22b

What is my purpose in life? What has God called me to do? Where is my gifting so that I may be truly in the will of God as I glorify Him? Oh Lord, lead me where you want me to be? These questions we agonize over in our walk. Wondering where and how, when the Lord will give us the answers so that we may move forward in comfort that He is with us and that things may work out as we fullfill the Great Commision.

We must realize that He has given us all that we need to be successful. He has created us in His image, each unique, but He knows us, every hair on our head. WIth that He has fit us into the plan, we only need to trust and walk in faith to this. But what is it? If I haven't heard directly from him, then how do I know? Paul, to me, pin points what we should do and it isn't just a single minded vision set on one gifting, it is accepting the Lord and Spirit with us and glorifying God in what ever you are doing.

For me here, I am many things depending on perspective of the one looking. I will use this specific place and circumstance to illustrate my point. I am a Manager to many employees. I must manage them with all duty of care that God want me to as they are human beings and under my charge. To them I must be a leader, respectful and fair. The opportunity that I have is that I can also be a Christian and then through my actions and words glorify God and wittness the life of Christ within me to these employees.

To my co workers, fellow Managers and Supervisors I must uphold the standards the compan has set, policies and procedures, work within the team and to the betterment of the FOB. I must be patient and listen, not quick to speak or overreact to stress or issues. As I do this, I must glorify God and wittness the Life of Christ within me to my peers.

To my family, I am husband and father. I have a responsibility to raise my children in a good manner, to provide for them, be fair and respectful. To God I must be the Spiritual head of my household and show to them Christ working within me. I must be Godly and forgiving, full of grace and mercy. In all instances and interactions I must represent Christ within me, to them so that they can know Him through me. I must glorify God and wittness the life of Christ within me to them.

To my Brothers and Sisters, my extended family, parents, brothers, my Church family and to those that may be reading this blog I must try to maintain a position that is edifing to them, pointing them to our Lord and God the Father. Showing them an example through trials and joys, in all things how the Lord works in my life. I must glorify God and wittness the life of Christ within me to them.

We know this message as we say so often that our actions must be our first wittness but I think we seperate this from a calling form God. We think that we are to live our lives until revelation comes to us and God raises us up to something very special to do His work. He has, we are special and we are doing His work in everything that we do. We are called to glorify God, to loove Him and to be a wittness to the Lord Jesus Christ to those around us. So as a Manager I am called to be a Godly manager. As a father, a Godly father. If I am asked to speak, then in those moments I am asked to be a preacher. To sit with a friend in need, a discipler. A missionary in Afghanistan when I am faced with a non believer.

Paul states, "I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I may save some." You can do this also. You do do this already in your life however you may not have seen the opportunity to serve the Lord. You are perfectly equiped, perfectly placed, perfectly knowledgable to be what ever you are at the moment to be used by God to glorify His name, to in souls for Him. Trust Him and He will work all things to the good.

Lord, give all who read this strength to know that they are always with you, always perfectly placed in the place where you need them to be at that moment. Let them know that you will see them through and that you will be Glorified through them.

Luke 22:54-55

"Then seizing Him, they led Him away and took him into the house of the high priest. Peter followed at a distance. But when they kindled a fire in the middle of the courtyard and had sat down together, Peter sat down with them."

Luke 22:54-55

Why is it that we want only the good side of the cross? That we only want to be faithful when it is easy and there is only joy to be had? We will walk along with Jesus until difficulties come and then like Peter here we begin to pull back from the Lords side and watch from a distance.

You see so often in new believers, even in myself this was the case, that since we were delivered from our pain, we expect everything to be painless from that point on in our faith. Peter enjoyed the fellowship of the Lord when He was asked to "follow me" from Jesus. He dropped everything and walked along side of his Savior. Here and there there were storms and distress, but things were good for him as he walked along for three years. Everything was new, he was learnig and growing, he was continually in the presence of the Lord.

So much again like me and others as we first walk with the Lord. We see and feel so much of the good. We enjoy the "wow" moments of our faith. We are enthrawled with He who has saved us and we enjoy His hand on our back as we fellowship with Him, as He teaches us of our salvation. But as trouble begins and the and the words "follow me" become more difficult to remember and adhere to we struggle. In this verse we see where Peter draws a line, as Jesus is lead away, arrested, "Peter, followed at a distance".

So much like our lives, we will only stay close, follow closely, when times are good. We however begin to distance ourselves from our fellowship with Christ as those around begin to put pressure on us. We may have opportunity to stand for Him to our neighbor but we chose to remain quiet and watch as Jesus is taken away. Peter at this point, is just watching as Jesus is being taken from Him. We see how he is not willing, as Christ knew he would, to take up the same cup that His Lord was about to.

At the critical point, when Jesus is now standing before His accusers, Peter find the most comfortable place he can, in the midst of those that he had come from, in the courtyard, within earshot, but not standing next to His Lord. He was hiding in essence his faith because it had become uncomfortable to him. Again, like even I have done at times, he wanted to remain inconspicuious as others began to in essence attack Jesus.

The call that Jesus has to all of us is to "follow Him". We do this in our profession as Jesus as Lord and Savior. We do this in our Baptism. We do this as we come to church and fellowship with other believers. But we pull back when we are among non believers. When we are at work, or at the kids soccer games. We afil to remain a Christen, Chris'f followers, when we may be persecuted along side of Him for doing so.

We all, at some point draw a line in the sand as to how far we will actually go in our Faith. We allow those around us to ddetermine how faithful we will be. "This man was with Him" and Peters first denial "Woman I do not know Him". "You are also one of them", Man, I am not!" "Certainly this man was with Him", "Man, I do not know what you are talking about". If these words do not remind you of the occasions when you have not spoken up, then I don't know what will. How many times are we willing to just remian in the courtyard when our heart burns, but is fearful, of standing along side of our Lord?

It is difficult and always will be difficult for us to push past our comfort levels. We will always hit a point that we feel we can not cross. Jesus in the Garden was in this type of contemplation however He rose in faith and obediance to His Father and moved forward to the end. He gave us an example to follow, to the Cross, to maove past obnly the joy that we may encounter and to walk in faith into the pain if necessary. He showed us that if we do, even the brutality of the Cross that he ultimately hung from, was made to the good by God.

The next time you find yourself debating in your head of the next, hard step, in your walk with the Lord, rember Peter sitting by the fire trying to remain hidden. Think about how He had walked for three years in the good times and now in the trying times he became scared and distnces His walk with the Lord. Ask yourself, to rise and be seen. To follow Jesus in truth and faith. To allow yourself to be strengthened by your resolve and accomplish what was previously thought not possible.

Lord, to "follow you" may mean many things at many times. It may be without hazard and full of risk but above all things let us know now that it will always be used for the Glory of God if we persevere and move past ourselves and into your Glory.

For Those That Serve Our Troops

Today, a few photographs of the men who have recieved the generous gifts sent by you back in the States. These men, from all over the world have come here to serve our Troops and make a better life for themselves and their families back home. They make up eighty percent of the workforce and some only make a few dollars an hour.



The toiletries, socks, underware, shirsts, hats and all of the other items that have been sent have gone to those at the Camp that needed them most. Each one, of the over sixty men that recieved items today, were very thankful for what they recieved.



May God Bless all who have contributed to this cause, "For Those That Serve Our Troops".

"Truly I tell you, whatever you did for the least of of one of these Brothers or Sisters of mine, you did for me."

Matthew 25:40

To Hug.

I wrote yesterday about touch and the importance of touch in regards to love. I believe that ultimately touch, a hug or a kiss or a warm hand solidifies in our minds that there is another there that our love is applied to and there is a confirmation back at the same time of the others feelings for us.

Love also most be applied to another person to be fully realized. Yes you can love your car or love your dog but those things will not and can not ever return the emotion to you in the way you feel it for another human being. God so loved the world, that He gave His only Begotten Son. Not His only anything else but Son, another person. Even God created man so that man could have relationship with Him, walk with Him and talk with Him. Love is truly realized only when shared with another.

My seperation here, from those that I love so dearly, means that I can not then express my love for them any more then just a word from my mouth or by an action such as a card or an email. These however never reach the level as the touch, as intimacy with your wife, or a cuddle on the couch with your children. Words never replace the unquestionstionable power of our actions. So at seven thousand miles away the best I get is words. The worst I get is the longing for more.

I place this now in relation to God. The seperation that was caused by our sinful fall has placed Him in a position of longing, longing again to have relationship with us. He created us so that we may fellowship with Him, to walk with Him in the garden and yet we chose not to do this, we chose an easy alternative in disobediance to His offer of His Love. As the husand may do to His wife, this has caused the relationship to disolve.

When I came home, Catherine and I hugged for minutes there in the airport. We were able to touch again. We did not stand there and discuss how we loved each other, I did not hand her a letter stateing how I felt. I did not list out all the things that I do that proves my love, I reach my arms out and fully embraced her in a living and true expression of my love. We confirmed through connection what we feel inside.

As I saw those that were close to me I would hug them. As my brothers and sisters in Christ my heart is connected to them in this Love. I care for them deeply and in that must express to them that Love, to have the touch. God also does this for us. God in His longing and expression of His love has given us an opportunity to have the intimate relationship back with Him. It is the wife asking the husband for intimacy after years of neglect. God has given us His only son so that whomever so believes in Him shal have eternal life, relationship with God as was the orginal intenent. But more than this, just acceptance, God asks us to follow His Son, to live as His Son, to have our actions speak as a testiment to our Love so that in turn we experience with God and for God the touch that is so needed.

The Bible explains our lives with out the relationship with God as eternal death, damnation and sin. It is an emptiness that we try to fill with so many other things that can not and will not ever replace the touch of God. As in a dead relationship, ne or both people begin to fill the distance with other things to help satisfy the emptiness, pornography, drinking, another woman all in an attempt to find what is missing and never quite getting what they need. Death, seperation one in the same.

As I hugged and expressed my love for my wife and children I place in my heart that they are connected to me and I to them. As I hugged my Brothers in Christ and expressed my love for them I was connected to them and they to me. As I fully embrace and express my love to Jessus Christ then I am connected to God and He to me. No longer is there the distance, no longer to I look to fill my heart with other things. No longer do I feel the ache because I now feel the other that I love.

If you have not stopped and had a truly genuine expression of love to your spouse or children lately. If you have spent months or years on a couch across the room or with just simple expressions of your love for the other. I you truly love them then please get up and cross the room and give them a hug, give them your touch. If you you do not know the love of God, truly, where you long for His touch, where you ache to know Him more, then begin by asking Jesus Christ to be your saviour. Then begin to whole heartedly follow Christ in your deads and actions and fully expect that you will be in the presence of God. You may just find that sitting across the couch, death, from the one you truly should love has been what has left you empty and longing for more for so many years.

Lord, I pray for anyone who is in death at this time. Death of relationhip with a spouse or child, God. Anyone who is in any type of seperation from those around them that they so easily could love more fully but don't, that they step up and touch, that they accept the gift of love that God has placed within us and express it unconditionally to one another, to Him.

Rest and Relaxation

Here it is the first official post since my return to Afghanistan. I am actually starting to write this this evening as I am trying to relax and prepare for a good night sleep. My last week of travle and change always throughs me off as it is full of emotion and change and that has generally caused me to lose sleep. I do have to say though I am handling this return better then the last and definately better then when I first left home, so I guess practice makes perfect. However this is one thing I do not want to become good at.

So I will start at the beginning of my journey with my arrival home. Everything went very well up to my connection flight out of Washington. Of course the one that is most important, as I am so very close to home I missed. It was mostly my fault as we were late getting in but I did not check the Borad and went to the wrong gate. So three long hours later I was on my final leg home.

The moment that I see my wife, like last time is just so special. Tears from both of us, a long awaited touch of the your spouse is everything you could imagine it to be. We also both cry which then causes us to both chuckle. That moment is probaly the most anticipated moment that I have during all of my time here. A valuable lesson from this, and one that plays it self out time and time again while on R&R is the importance of touch in relation to our love for others.

We went right over to get the kids from school this time as we were late in the day. No surprises in my return either, they were fully aware that I would come home and they wanted us to get them. This is also a special moment, probably more for me then them but again a time for us to come together again and hug and be a whole family, together. The touch of my children almost compare to that of my wife.

My return into the house didn't bring much emotion. Maybe a little strange but it was not awkward and it felt like home to me. The smells and warmth and light were all as I had remembered them to be. Home always feels like home no matter how long you have been away. The dog, was not as surprised to see me as he was last time. He did recognize me more quickly then last time and I think it was because Catherine had told him I was coming. He is smart that way.

The night that I returned home I was able to go watch Harrison play in the youth band at the Church. They, and he are very good and it was nice to finally see him playing live in front of a crowd. That same evening Anna, while playing with the other kids at the Church cut her foot and required thirteen stitches.

The first week was great for us as a family. The kids had off from school and we traveled up to Vermont to Stratton Mountain where Harrison has been snowboarding the last several years. For three days we were able just tospend time together as a family. Nothing overly exciting but just time together which is what the R&R for me is all about. That next weekend we traveled down to New Jersey and saw Catherines sisters. Friday night with Barbra and Saturday with Lisa and her family. Time well spent.

The second week, with the kids back in school was time for Catherine and I to spend time together and get some things done that we needed to do. It also becomes the week that I can really get to see the people of my Church family. They are to me almost as important as my family and I do get just as excited to see them as I do anyone else. I was able to visit a small group that has supported the giving of clothes here to the Foriegn Nationals. Had lunch with Frank my Pastor on Tuesday and Catherine and I went to our own small group Tuesday night.
I was able to have a breakfast and a few more lunches with my Christian Brothers and Thursday night Agape Dinner back at the Church.

Last Friday night and Saturday I was able to spend with the Church mens group at Camp Pinnacle on a retreat. That was a very uplifting time for me being back with all of these guys especially in on a retreat. It was made even nicer by the fact that on Saturday morning my Accountability Group was able to meet together. We had some serious catching up to do and itwas well worth it. The weekend ended with church again on Sunday, the day I was scheduled to leave but didn't due to a snow and ice storm.

Now that I am back I will settle in and get back into the daily routine. Alot has changed here and some things have remained the same. The main goal now is to bolster the Department and then begin to transition myself out and give the reigns over to my replacement. I also have to lift someone up to begin to handle the work of takig care of the men in need. I plan on continuing to send packages and things here long after I leave.

To leave off on this post with something of merit, I guess it should be this. Love must be expressed both physically and verbally. It is an emotion that without someone to recieve it will not ever be experienced at it's fullest. As I saw each person over my R&R, starting with Catherine and all the way through the last Church service, I realized that what I miss most was the touch of those that mean so much to me. Voices are one thing but hugs are quiet another. Don't ever loose that in your relationships.

Good to be back. God bless you all.