My Flesh and Heart Fail

My flesh and my heart fail: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever.
Psalm 73:26

I am sinful by nature, failed, inperfect in heart and mind.  My life is a struggle, back and forth, ebe and flow, pulled nad pushed by sin and righteousness. 

I am weak, unable on my own to control the things that cause sin in my life.  Anger, envy, lust, pride, all of these wait as traps around me as I walk. Many i look at and hold only to be hurt by them, to feel the sting.

I worry, because of my own plans, my inability to control my destinty.  I attempt to determine the outcome of my life when I have no control.  I plot and move in the way that I feel best, only to find that each wrong turn was my fault.

I love things other then God.  I seek things to fill small holes in my heart that only He could fill.  I place small idols in my life that cause my head to turn and look away, then I wonder why I lost my way.

I polish my eterior and hide things on the interior.  I store the bad with the good in my heart and allow it all to spoil.  I depend on my own hands to determine what is useful and what is mine, and not Him who knows best.

I fear the future that may not come.  I live not only for today and what He have me do but later in my on thoughts.  I miss out on what is just in front of me a I peer to far into the distance in wonder.

I cry.

This is however the best place for me to be, the only place where I can be so that the Spirit of God can work, can convict, can change me.  Until I relaize what is wrong, where I have failed nothing will change.  We are saved and we are convicted from that day on, it must be that way or we will be stagnet and waste the gift of life. only the Love that God has for me will allow me to overcome all that I am.  Only when He is with me will I have the strength to change.  I can not, no not ever, change on my own.

I am struggling today with all of this.  A weight has been placed on my shoulders, a yoke that if I carry alone will continue to bring me down.  for God and the Lord Jesus Christ are the strength in my heart that will hold me from the brink of death.  They are the portion, the part that I absolutely need or I will fail on my own.

Lord Jesus, your strength is what I ask for, today and always.  I am thankful that when I am weakest you are what I see, I know from that you are near.  You will never leave me or forsake me but you will have me know you, thank you Lord.  I look to you and offer nothing but this failed and broken shell that hurts and needs you, now and always.  Amen.