Running on Schedule

So far everything is running on schedule. I spent the night in the ROSI Tents which are one hundred man tents across the base. Slept on a spring full sqeeky mattress and slept very little. I have begun my outprocessing and should finish that today. I am confirmed for my flights and ready to get underway tomorrow.

Be well all. God bless.

Beginning the Journey Home

I am in Kadahar. Traveling home for R&R and will return to the blog then. Be well all and God bless.

Expectations

A quick update on my travel plans. The weather cleared on Sunday afternoon becoming brisk and clean. We actually had ice on top of all the puddles that remain. The mountains are all also snow covered and beutiful. They look like a skiers paradise as there is not one tree that stand in the way of a perfect first run down an uncharted run.

Anyway, although the weather has cleared only one flight arrived but was scheduled for Soldiers only. This is actually good news in a way as then there is more space on the next flights for Civilians. I spoke with a Major this morning and they are requesting passenger only flights to get people moving. Will shall see.

This all goes back to expectations I guess. We get spoiled in the United States to things always running perfectly when we travel. The system works so well most of the time that we expect that all the time. When something deviates for even just a few minutes our aggrevation levels go up. We even have Laws in the US, Passengers Bill of Rights and things, that are so that we have an avenue for repercussions if things fail. We have geared ourselves to living in and with certain expectations.

Even Christians do this, I did it and even still do it but I have changed dramatically from where I was because of being here. We have expectations of our Church and the people in it. Expectations of our Ministries and the working of them. Expectations of just about everything that we do, sports coaches, food service, cleanliness, living conditions you name it and at some imaginary place we draw a line and say here is what I will and won't accept.

I see it here so often with even non Christians. People coming here to work that expect the same things that they had at home or during there last contract even. Private rooms and private showers. Access to unlimited phone or internet. Travel without delays. For the most part our expectations are higher than that of which we can have or for that matter need. For these people it creates stress and animosety towards the situation that they are in and possibly the leadership.

I was speaking to the Mayor, a Major, who was overwhelmed with emails from new units that had complaints of the Camp. One was the lack of personal and private space for the soldiers. Another wasthat there was not enough for the Soldier to do when they were off duty. Yet one more, that there was not enough choice and variety of food in the DFAC. The MAyor was amazed because all of those services are doubley improved from what we had on the West side before the last expansion. He could only say that "if these paople were here before they wouldn't be cpomplaining.

Is this not true of everything in life. If we didn't have a tatse for better we wouldn't cpomplain of the circumstance that we are in now. If we didn't try to satisfy external and inappropriate needs we also would look for more. Because I have not had issues getting out of Shindadn before this time is causing some concern. If I didn't know the Home that I had I wouldn't mind the home that I have, or the food, or the showers etc.

So a couple of lessons here depending on your perspective. As a Christian be thankful for what you have, as all things are a gift from God. Be content exactly where you are because your faith shoukld demand from you that you know that is where God wants you to be. As soon as you want something, as soon as you think you deserve more, then you have taken yourself away from Gods sovereignty over your life, excercised you free will, and therefore moved outside of His will. This is especially true if what you want causes you streess or anger or the like, in the case of a delayed flight or something.

For non Chritians you should be thankful also for what you have. You don't actually deserve anything in life, you are given opportunities that you either take or don't. I know you can't rely on God and you therefore only have yourselves but calm down sometime and see things for what the are. Thnk about if you can do anything to rely change the situation. If not then try to make the most of what you have at the time. I will tell you however that the desires and expecattations that you have that, that you try to control are coming from somewhere. They are of this world and worldy. Because of that you should no that they are from the Devil as he trys to keep you from God.

Oh and for the Christians, the same thing applies when you act in your own will and you allow you wants to get the better of you.

Lord Jesus, may we only give ourselves and our lives humbly to you. May our wants and desires only be to be obediant to you. We thank you for all that you have given us a s a gift of your grace to us. Amen

Two More Cancellations!

Well, two more failed attempts to leave Shindand today. It caused me a little anxiety this morning, probably because of lack of sleep more than anything. I have moved past that now however and have focussed myself back on Him.

I was able to praay this morning as I waited for the second flight. I was also able to read my Bible Chapters that are part of my daily devotions. With that many of the verses I read were able to apeak into my heart and I was therefore able to release to Him the garbage that was building in me and find the light and the sweatness of His face.

After the cancellation of that flight we all returned to our Camp and I was able to sleep for a couple of hours. When I woke I was ready for some fellowship at the Chapel and went to the 11:00 service. This became the icing on the cake for me in relaeasing the burdon to Christ as the worship was great and the Sermon inspiring. So now my heart set on the things of God and the purpose of this time which is His, not mine.

I will continue to be available as flights get scheduled and know that the one I should be on I will be on. I am content that all things happen for His purpose, if I should be moved back or delayed longer in my R&R, then that is what must happen. These thoughts bring peace to me, to you, when you let them. Knowing, that God is in control.

One of the things that I am so thankful for since being here in Afghanistan is this knowledge that I am not really in control of things. Before being here, probably like many of you, I tried to plan, and schedule, have tyhings lined up so that I was comfortable. That just can not be done here. Everything except for your own personal, self, is in someone elses hands. Where you sleep, what you eat, when you eat, when you work, if you fly or don't fly. A valuable lesson as a Christian has been thrust opon me. I have had to trust Him for it.

Well I ask that you keep praying Gods will for me, for my exit from Shindand, and for my ultimate trip home. That in His perfect timing that it will all work out. With that I will see some of you in a week, or so.

Lord God, thank you for this day and the journey. Thank you that my heart has changed and it does trust you more and mor eeach day. There is no other place I should be then in your hands and if you allow let othyers come to that place in their heart also. Amen

Genesis 9:13-17, Never to Flood the Earth Again

Not quiet a universal flood covering the entire earth, but for Shindand it is flooding enough. The last few days of rain have caused dome issues here at the base and the surrounding town. Actually over the past few weeks there has been alot of flooding that has required the US to provide Humanitarian Supplies to be brought in to help the locals. Yesterday a new problem poppped up and required us to take some fast action.

Afghanistan, however being a desert, has a lot of water available to the residents. It is unfortunately underground. The way they have accessesed it for thousands of years is by diiging down into the underground system with a series of holes from the surface, and then connecting the holes to make the aqueduct.

With all the rain and with all base construction yesterday the flooded water bagan to erode the surface mounds of dirt around the holes and then pour into the underground system. This is not so bad but the water was causing two problems. first it was erroding the subsurface aqueduct and secondly it was pushing water out in the town where it doesn't normally come out. With this the two local Elders came to the base to get help.

So at around 15:00, I was called to lend assistance with my MHE equipment, and the Heavy equipment, back hoe and dozer. As we arrived on the scene it was a mix of a few locals, the Afghan Army, and American Army. The water from the entire South end of the Airfield was pouring into the underground system. It looked like a hudge bath tub drain, swiriling around and taking hunks of dirt with it.

At that point we began two things, first to get sand bags and T-walls to try to get a dam built and then to dig a trench to the outer drainage system to get the water diverted from the hole. This took a lot of switching of resource and coordination. The nice thing here is that the Army Command, in these matter leaves you alone to do what you need to do. At that point I have a blank slate to get the resources needed.

So trucks into the Italian Compound for the sandbags, a crane into the Red Horse yard along with a truck for the T-walls, etc. So as this was going on the trench leading out to the outside colverts was about complete. One of the elders went under the fence to finish the work with a shovel and an axe. The bulldozr arrived and began to push the dirt into position to stop the flow in the hole and then the trench was completed. The water rushed to the outside liked planned. Then the final push of dirt and some shovel work by the Afghan Army closed the flow to the hole.

There were alot of detail for the day, more then I can write out here. But it was a good feeling being able to help in such a way yesterday. Seeing all of the people from all the different aspects of life coming together to fix this problem was incredible. Interacting with the Town Elders and Afghans, the locals all was a great experience.

There are more issues related to the rain and the drainage here. It was described by the locals that the base construction had changed their work and the routing of the water so there will be some things that the Military will need to do. This is good work though, besides the work of war. As one of the Col's said, "I like this better then bombing", how true. We are here for war but that is different I think then it used to be. I am glad for that.

Be belessed and know that there is good work to be done here also. We can do our jobs in many ways and still be the hand of the Lord when we do it.

Lord thank you for another experience.

No Ground Sensing Radar

The bad weather has come in. It must have been an hour after the Dash 7 Flight on Wednesday, which left with twenty two open seats that the clouds came back. An hour after that the rain started. Here I am two days later and you can not even see the mountains.

Bad weather has set in for the next few days at least. Yesterday there was hope for a flight as the tops of the mountains were visible, but the rain held everything on the ground. This has always made me think as to why thye couldn't fly after all they are Military aircraft for the most part. If not Military then they have Ex Military piolets flying the planes, so why not fly in bad weather. It turns out that unlike the rest of the world, there is no gorund sensing radar and such. Without such systems in place mountain terrain becomes very difficult to fly over I guess. Unless an absolute emergancy, aircraft stay on the ground.

With that I now wait for clear weather. I know not to worry, as the Bible correctly teaches us, worry will not add one minute to our lives let alone bring an aircraft into Shindand to carry me home. All I can do now is, as it should be, leave this in Gods hands. As you all may know this is not always easy. We as human being have anticipationand excitment of things to come that we must overcome. I have tickets out of Dubia for Friday morning that have been purchased, reservations for a family trip to attend to. All of these things cause the mind to say "come on."

Here is where most of us will struggle, bringing our faith and our lives into check. We know what God asks us to do, but the insides of us start to tell us differently. We imagine what we could be doing, we place worldly hopes before Godly hope. In a small way we fall short of Glorifing Him in our faith. We trun from His plans and rely on our own.

The consquences of this for a lot of people becomes anxiety, which I am familiar, worry, anger and stress. You may recognize these people when you are standing in a long line or arguing with a ticket agent about the delays of a flight. You may see this in yourself as you make statements to somone who really can't control the situation morwe then you can. This is why would we should worry for not. In the grand sceme of things, when we leave it to God then we have placed in our hearts that the plan is not as important as the obediance and understanding taht we are in His care.

The Bible uses birds as an example, quiet fitting for my plight. They worry not for food for the next day, they save up nothing because God provides everyday for their needs. We also learn this lesson from the mana from heaven which sustained the Israelites for forty years. They were instructed by God to only gather one days worth of food each day. If they gathered more it would rot and be useless. So God was looking to instill a few lessons in them, to depend on Him each day and that if they didn't, what they gathered, their worry, would not be useful to them. It took them a while but finally they understood and trusted Him.

So as the rain comes down I can only think of when it may break. I struggle back and forth with the lesson from God, and I wait. When you face something such as this, the same thing will probable occur and maybe the same lesson will pop into your mind, worry for nothing as it will add not a day to your life. I hope to see you all soon.

As far as the radar, I guess sitting and waiting is better option then the side of a mountain.

Lord Jesus, I lay this into your hands and ask that I am obediant to your word and know that it will all work itself out in the end. You provide all that we need and let us acknowledge and live to that, for you. Aman.

Upcomming R&R

I am so rady for my R&R. I will be home on the 18th and stay until March 6th. All I can think about practicaly is this R&R. Returning home, seeing my wife abnd children and enjoying time with them and my friends.

I truly is a break from my life to go home. Most people, their home is what their life is, for me I think now it is the opposite. I work, as I see it, twenty four seven here. Your life and work are one. You become this place and what you do. Personal interaction with the Military is still business. After hours interactions with coworkers is still bsiness. Life and work one.

It makes R&R then a vacation, but a vacation within the otyher part of your life. In the states you do not see going home work as a vacation. I am sure even some see it as more work or a chore for them to be home. Not until you don't have it I guess does it become something special as it should be everytime you return.

Going home for me does bring on some anxiety. I am just not used to the types of interactions that I will be having with the family. It is a big swuitch to turn of and on, family life. For me, becasue of my past it brings on fear of sorts, maybe a little of an unknown as things change and you just haven't been a part of it. As I have had to learn things here so has my family at home with out me.

I am also a little anxious as the weather has turned here again and I know that in the Satates the weather is also bad. If Ican get out of here on time and then out of Kandahar I will still have to look at getting into Albany in the middle of winter. Lots of maybe's in that and that also brings some of my feelings on.

Don't get me wrong in all of this, and the lesson for you is this. I have become quite good at giving things to God. I have learned to place my own feelings aside, the anxiety and fear and just place in my heart that there is not anything I can do about the circumstances around me. I change the perspective from "oh crud" to ok God there must be a reason for this.

Most times and maybe something you could try is this. Gicve your plans to Him. Aloow Him to mak ethe necessary changes if He wold like. Then keep your eyes open for the opportunities that He will present you. Trust me they will be there. See if your plans change it is because they didn't necessarily line up with His. He is looking to make an adjustment because He needs you to be available for something that you would have missed otherwise. If you are obediant and attempting to Glorify Him through anything you are therefore in His will. No better place.

Now it isn't always easy. None of anything is always easy but this is how you will change your perspective. These are in essence the things that the Bible teaches you and Christ models for you throughout His life. As a twelve year old boy in the temple telling his parents who were crazy looking for Him that the shouldn't have worried. Before the Saducees and Pharisees, Pilate all these times Jesus just submits that circumstance to God and knows that it is for a reason. We to should work on this and make it apart of our lives.

Anyway, I know one way all of this will work out for me. I know that whatever happens will happen becasue he wants it to. Even my anxiety is part of the whole thing that must come from this, and that I must work out as part of my Sanctifictation. It doesn't happen overnight and it doesn't ever end but it is what we need to do.

Lord, Jesus continue to guide my life. Continue to show me the examples that I should follow. Allow me to work out these situations and to give them to you. Amen.

The View is Magnificant

Seek the Lord and His strength, seek his face continually.

1 Chronicles 16:11

I have been in a place where I have no where else to turn. Nothing here that I could do would allow me to be settled and free from the agony of the ache, the lonliness. I have been in a place where not my wife or family could help me get out of. It is a deep and dark place when you have nothing to cling to.

The great lesson though that I learned from that place is that there is one thing that will bring me out, that is the face of Jesus Christ. It is, and has been, the rock in which I may always grasp when everything else around me is stinking of death and destruction. I have found that the more I am able to look upon Him, the more that my burdons are shed and that I can survive through anything.

This is the biggest lesson that I have learned here in Afghanistan, there is no other thing that I can trust in to take care of me like Him. Everything else will fail me, lie to me, not love me, allow me hurt or pain, whatever else you can think of. This is because everything else falls short of His glory. No matter how pure it is it will not ever reach His purrness, and goodness.

I was able to learn that lesson here, through miserable trial and error. Days of just awful pain and hoesickness and having to work it out step by step as I made the journey. I have passed each emotion, stopped at all of my fears, looked opon my failures all to bring me to a place where I can see clearly the magnificence of His face. Being able to go to that place consistantly is one of the greatest rewards of my time here.

See the difference is the circumstances of suroundings. If you are afforded a parchute each time you have a struggle, merely a simpathetic hug, a pill, alcohol, whatever it may be, you will not seek the truth that is in Gods word and the example of Jesus Christ. You will never trust past what brings you the first repreve. So at home I had thousands of outlets and diversions, here only a few choices. Stripped of all the needless feel good items I had to turn to Him. What a difference that has made.

Seek the Lord, seek Him first and foremost. Seek Him almost selfishly as anything that gets in your way of seeing His face must be cut down. Once you get to Him it will be breathtaking, once you cut the path and remove the obstacles the journey will be light and easy and you will enjoy it more and more. You will look to enjoy it continually as it will become the best, safest most comfortable place you can be.

Lord Jesus, your are beutiful. I gaze opon you and you hands rest on my head as I weap in my humility before you. May this place be part of all of our lives. A place that we may all find. Amen.

I Will Love thee.

I will love thee O Lord, my strength.

Psalms 18:1

This Psalm is on my calender today. I sat and thought about this brief line and the meaning. It souds so simple in writing, I will love thee O Lord, my strength. But isn't this the hardest thing that we struggle to do with our relationship with the Lord, just to love him and let Him be our strength?

For me it can be. I can be moving along just on cloud nine. Having the "Spirit" in my heart, speaking with me, ngauged with the Lord, seeing the blessings of the day laid out in front of me. Like being truly in love, not a care and having a feeling of invincibility. Then, on other days, my mind just won't be settled, I can't see anything as the Lord may have me see it. I allow the things of this world to be a trap. Making excuses for failure and disobediance. My love suffers, I am almost selfishly alone and weak.

I read once that we see ourselves as the most important person to us see us. So, if my most influential person in my life sees me as strong and confident and that is reinforced over time I will be in general strong and confident in my life. The inverse is then true, if I am detested by the person who is my influence then I will see myself as detestable.

I believe the same thing is true in our love. As we love as we learn how to have relationships, what we see, what we beileve from our influence is how we will then love. With that, If we as parents, as influences love others as Jesus loves us, if me could model Him precisely then our children would have a closer loving relationship. We also allow the things of this world influence us and our relationships. We get our modelling from TV, radio, movies, others that may not know the Lord. We cn't help but have inperfections in this area.

Problem, for me is that I didn't know the Lord, early enough and didn't have a perfect role model of how to appropriately love. I didn't love myself the right way, I didn't love others in the right way, and I didn't have perfect love from those that were important to me growing up. Now don't get me wrong here, I am speaking comparatively to the Love of the Lord. Because of this I struggle as many of you struggle.

Jesus gives us the road map to fix this, one of the two greatest commands. Love the Lord your God, with all your heart, with all your mind, all your soul. Only when you accomplish this will you begin to have the perfect relationship. It will not happen all at once and this is part of the journey we are on, we are learning to Love more abnd better each day.

Now like I said at the beginning, it is hard because we are unlearning the things that were not right to begin with. The Spirit will help you work them out if you listen to Him. He will guide you through the areas where you need improvement. He if you let Him will become part of the perfect example of Love that you will need to get there.

The important thing, however i9n all of this, is do not dispare. Do not see a failure or a slip back as an end, as a point of which you will be punished as Gods Love is not like that. Realize that Gods love is perfect. Use it as the most important influence in your life, and you will begin to see that the hardest thing we do as people is to love unconditionally as the Lord loves us, will become easier everyday. The struggle will lesson, and the love blossom.

Lord, you are my strength, when I allow you to be. Lord you are my guide, when I allow you to be. My provider and my shield, rock and strong foundation, my everything, if I allow you to be. So as I follow your example I can love you more and as I love you more, I am stronger. Amen.

A Glorious Update

I want to start off with a little update, and to say that sometimes we forget the things that truly matter in our Christian walk. Today I saw Naveen, again, after a while. He is the man from Nepal that would came to the Lord so many months ago after he first arrived here at Shindand. I have seen him several times at the DFAC where he works and briefly said hello, engauging in small conversation. This Sunday, after a long abscense from Church because of his schedule, Naveen was able to attend.

It was good to see him again amungst all of us and I was able to talk a little more with him. His faith is still growing and he reads the Hindi Bible that I got for him often. I also saw him again today and took the opportunity to encourage him a little more. I had forge=otten the importance of this to our faith. I told Naveen, that he would forever be a part of my memories as a Brother who has come to the Lord before my eyes. That no matter what else that we would be connected with each other for that reason.

He then encouraged me with words of kindness that made me blush, he called me Father, in which I corrected and said that I was only his Brother, that we were equal and that God was our Father. In this he agreed. He stated that he is still reading and praying and is having a relationship with the Lord. It is so wonderful to see the smile and humility as he speaks. It was good to be reminded of what is truly important in our lives.

There should be no other purpose for us here on this earth but to wittness Jesus Christ to others. We should not be caught up in the things that take us away from that, as I am now more often then not. Our focus and dedication must be back to that and that only.

Lord Jesus, the reminder of my purpose here is very much warrented. Knowing what truly matters, setting that back in my heart. There is no more glorious feeling then to see a believer born and growing. To know that the fruits of my labor have saved a man from death and brought one more soul into saving knowledge of you. MAy I have this purpose, as the only purpose in my life. Amen.

Acts 24:16

So I strive always to keep my conscience clear before God and man.

Acts 24:16

Paul is speaking of the resurrection and his preperation thereof. He has been brought before the Roman authority Felix, by the Jewish leaders of the time. He is making the case against the charges that have been brought against him. Paul makes the statement that he has the same hope in God as those that try to punish him, the Pharisees, that there will be a resurection of both the righteous and the wicked. Then the statement "So I strive to keep my conscience clear before God and man."

This one will be quiet simple today. You are responsible to make yourself right and to live each day working eagerly twoards making yourself righteous in this world. This is both to your friends and nieghbors and to God. You can not do one without the other.

You can not say something with the wrong heart to a friend, not really meaning it, and think that you have gotten away with something. You can not just give things to God without also making them right with your friend. You, like Paul, must strive to be of pure heart with those in the world and with God.

So some practical application. I do something that may have done something or said something to a friend that caused them some ill feeling or to stumble. We know it by their reaction, maybe we don't care because the person has done it to us before. So we leave it at that and walk away. Bad motives, so we become convicted, but we then only turn to God and ask forgivenenss. Not taking care of the entire situation. Say the same thing happens but this time you say you are sorry to the person, because it is the right thing to do, but you don't really mean it. God knows your heart and you have not kept your conscience clear with Him.

So what really needs to happen, especially if you also will strive to be righteous before God and man, is that you must do the right thing outwardly and inwardly. Like the song says, you can't have one without the other. Think you can truely do this? Can you strive to do it, make it a purpose? Consider what this may mean.

So I don't miss you non believers, the "good" men and woman of the world, how good are you. Is your heart pure enough to pass your own level of goodness when you do these things. Can you try for one day to have a clear conscience of all the things you do? To your co workers, boss, friends or wife? Could you say the hard things, the embarassing things instead of the cover up and half truths/ Can you do the right thing, no matter what all day?

Think of the times when you have been double minded. When you have said something only to get your wife off your back or to satisfy another. Think of all the times you answered your boss with something that may not have been completely honest, knowingly, and you let it go. There is a lot that ties into striving to do what Paul is suggesting. Are you up for the challenge? There is ultimately alot riding on it, because, of course if you aren't truely trying in your heart God will know.

Oh, and for the "good" people, remeber the righteous and the wicked will stand in front of God in the resurrection so you will also need to have a clear consciences as to your standard of "goodness".

Lord, strive is a purposeful word demanding my efforts. Allow my heart to have that purpose always and to, even when it may hurt, have a clear consciences to God and man. Amen.

The Spirit Workin Within

I have realized something today, and I will try to explain it the best that I can without going to far because I think it is important. I want to always write the things on my heart especially if I believe they will benefit the reading in their walk.

God is faithful to forgive all of our sins, all of the sins that we in humble faith give to Him in our confession. He sees our hearts and knows these things already but through our confession He then knows the trust we have in His word.

Now I am married to Catherine, who is also a Born Again believer in Jesus Christ. I believe fully that the Lord has chosen us to be husband and wife and brought us together so many years ago so that our paths would bring us to this place and time. I also trust that the Lord is working in Her life and that she has a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Where that relationship is exactly is between God and her, thankfully.

I also have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and am a Bordn Again believer. Catherine tells me that she also believes that the Lord has chosen us to be husband and wife and brought us together so that we would be at this place at this time. She also trusts that the Lord is working in my life.

So where am I going with this? You see because we both have that relationship with the Lord and the trust in that relationship we can also trust each other more completely then we ever have before. Because I know that the Lord is faithful to forgive then I must also know that my wife is faithful to forgive. If the Lord is full of Mersy and Grace then I must trust that my wife will have mercy and grace. You can see where I am going with this.

If out of the same trust that I have of the Holy Spirit within me and the Truth that God gives us I can confess and speak openly of the things of my heart to Him, then I must therefore be able to speak the same things to my wife whom the Lord has made me one with here on earth. One flesh with the Lord through Holy communion, and one flesh with my wife through our Holy matrimony.

If I can not or am not willing to give the things of my heart to God in that trust then I will almost assure you that I will not give those things to my wife. The inverse is also then true, if not to my wife then almost not as assuridly in the right manner to God. Also, the things that are given to my wife, if truly lead by the Spirit and walking with the Lord they will be handled in the appropriate manner, as the Lord would handle them. If they are not then that mishandling will be on her head and will be delt with by the Holy Spirits conviction in her heart.

If our Church and the people within that church all walked in faith with God we could all trust and be trusted in this manner. We would be Christ like and know it of the others around us. Would would return all things with the love and compassion that Christ does for us. We would not condem or judge but listen, forgive and then forget as Christ does.

Yesterday I was able to speak to my wife with the pure knowledege that I was speaking to my Lord. That she would understand and listen. That she knew that I had gone to God and that I was now going to her as my oneness, my wife.

Lord, thank you for this milestone in my faith, in my trust of your Spirit working in me and my family. Thank that I can put another layer on the wall of the fortress of my faith and stand stronger as the head of my household as Catherines and my bond become stronger. Lord, I also ask that those that fear, those aho may not trust fully, find that trust in you and your working in us.

Be Givers

"It is more blessed to give than to receive."

How many times have we heard this in our lives? How many times have we spooken these words when the opportunity was at hand. Mybe someone was caught off guard by a gift that you gave them and you uddered these words to them to settle their heart. Why are these words so important? Paul refers to Jesus' words here in Acts 20 , in reference to the work he did for the Ephesian Church and the Elders. He had stayed with them for quite some time and ow was preparing to leave them. His service to them was at his own hand, not in expectation of anything then to give to them.

As Christians, this should be our heart. This should be the daily focuss of our lives and of our walks. The world is full of the idea that we deserve something for what we do. That we deserve to feel good and to live without care. We are a society based on needs, wants and have to haves. Very little of our lives id geared to the giving. What we can offer others is over looked for a self first you second attitude. There is not any goodness in this, and this draws the Christian from their inherant calling.

We are always so very pleased to see or read about random acts of kindness, about the generosity of somone. These things almost seem to be abnormal and therefore then they become news and something special. But why? Shouldn't that be the norm, for us? We as Christians should have as our normal, these acts of selflessness that should seem normal, not different. We should not have to organize a charitable event and gain support if our hearts were truly on the aspect of giving, they should be happing normally.

We have Operation Christmas Child, Love 146, Save The Children thousands of others that constantly have to work for support. They have to ask so often for help, because the help doesn't just come in. Why is this, if we were truly acting in the Spirit that Paul was and that Christ Jesus was when they gave freely. If we were all doing what we should these groups would not have to ask, that would have.

I briefly looked through the concordance of my Bible at the two main words, give and recieve. What do you think I saw? There are far more occurances in the Gospels of giving then recieving. Jesus came to give everything he had to us, He gave His life. In that act we recieve our path to Salvation. He gave we recieved. We are to follow Him and His example in our lives, in this case to give and to give everything. With that those around us may recieve.

In small group, if you go to get filled by those around you, if you go with nothing to offer, then you are there only to recieve. If you only go to Church to sit and listen, never to participate or lend a volunteering hand in some way then you are only there to recieve. At home, if your wife does everything, if you think she is there only to serve you because you worked hard all day, then you are only recieving. If you only open your wallet at times when you are asked out of some type of guilt, then I will argue that you are looking for relief from the guilt and not to the giving that your doing.

The point of all this is that the your primary purpose, those that are Christians, is to give freely from your abundance. That is your love, your life, your money, your time, your knowledge and your faith. From that giving you should only expect your filling from the Holy Spirit, from God. Like the feeding of the five thousand and ten thousand, trust God to take care of things. Trust Him that there will be enough for everyone and still you will have leftovers. Trust God for that.

So prepare your heart, you that are saved, you that are Christians and followers of Jesus Christ, that you will give freely. That you should not need to be asked to kick in. That you will go to your small group, not expected to get but to give. That your attendance at church should be joined with your active participation at the church. That you look for all the opportunities to give during the day, not just for the things you wish to recieve.

Break out of Satans trap that you are owed anything quickly and easily. That Church is the medicine for what ever ailes you and that it primary purpose is to make you feel good. Give unconditionally to all that you do and you will be blessed, may will also then recieve with abundance.

Lord, may we all shed the heart of the victom, of the needy soul who can not rely on you, who believes that they deserve more then you provide. Lord help us alays see the needs and to help unconditionally. Lord let us head your words and be givers and not always takers.

Heart and Mind

How precious is our heart. How much does it control who we are and what we do. No wonder the Spirit dwells within it's walls. The Bible states that it is the well spring of our soul. We here home is where the heart is. All of these are indications of the significance of the heart in our lives.

I have walked so delibrately with the Lord for the past two months. My heart was set, is set, on the completion of this part of my journey, Afghanistan. I have purposed that nothing will take me away from glorifing Him by making it through this. The purpose has made each day a delight and easily swallowed.

The last few days my mind has begun to move to my temporary return home, to the ones that I love, to my friends. I have thought about the discussions I will have, the hugs and handshakes, being with my wife and children. Alll of this has captivated me, in my thoughts and my dreams.

What this has also done is brought back the "ache" that tends to set itself up just outside of my heart, a little down and to the right. You know it from your childhood, great anticipation of something to come, homesickness when you went to camp, maybe even a first love. It just sits and reminds you that one thing, the thing of your heart.

I believe that the the heart is the center of our soul as it is not as easily tricked as the mind. The mind can be overcome, you can convince yourself of things that may not even be real, but the heart will win out every time. The Spirit, for us Christians dwells there because it is a place of consstancy, safety, true emotion. The mind can speak lies, while the heart knows the truth.

As I walk, I set myself, useually to the Lord early in the day, then I can easily bring myself, and remain in that place. Each morning setting a guidpost in my heart that says I am ours Lord, the mind and the heart working as one that day keeping focussed. But in times such as these I struggle with this, the two almost working independantly of one another, one reasononing and the other feeling. Finding them in the same place brings peace, when it happens.

Lord, continue to know the desires of my heart, as it is the well spring of my soul. Help me keep my mind captive, evry thought purified and checked. Amen

Rip Me Down

I give it all to God. I seek the rest that is in the Lord. I long to be in continual fellowship with Him that provides me so much. I walk in this world and struggle back and forth, back and forth. I pray the desires of my heart, when I know them. I ask forgivness when my desires atre outside of glorifing Him. Back and forth, back and forth.

There are so many things here that make it easy to be in the right place with the Lord. I have no car, no bills, no house that can have problems. I have no snow to shovel or children to get up, fed and to school, homework in the afternoons. All of that is 7000 miles away at the end of a phone line. I do have the work and the twenty four seven aspects of living with the same people I work with, living in a war zone.

There is no reason then that I should have such pain in my fellowship. Why even with so few problems to deal with in an actual sense that I should not be the perfect Christian, the called Saint that the Lord wants us to move towards. I spend my time with Him, nothing brings me solice like my time of prayer and devotions. My writing even when it is right just flows without thought. So why the struggle to become more, to have more?

Is it my pride? Is it the need of man not to settle? Is it the Lord calling me closer? These thought flood my mind, they are ever present when I am quiet. What is next and where do I go from here? What will He have me do, where will I be called? I ask because I want to know, it is my human nature. I ask out of no disrespect, I long to know.

If I could give up the connection to home I would, it is what keeps me from even more experiencing the Lord. I understand why Paul would say not to be married, not because of the joy that it brings and the companionship. Not because of the children but only because it takes you from tottally giving yourself over to Him that has paid so much for you. I love my family, but because of that love I must seek to go deeper with the Lord. I musty force myself to stay here and to rely only on Him.

This land has captivated me. The pain and suffering that brings me joy, the constant struggle to become closer to God, captivates me. I understand it, I know what and why it is. If it were easy then I wouldn't have come so far. If it did cause strugle then it would not be worth so much. How often is a gift forgotten and the true reason behind it passed by. Is not that the same that we do as cChristians as we look away from the Cross?

Paul tells us not to, Christ requires us to daily to pick up His Cross to follow Him. That is because there is value in that Cross, there is change in that Cross, there is pain in the cross and we should not forget it for our own earthy, meager sufferings. We think sometimes only of the earthly problems, the car, the house, the music at the church, our childrens grades, when we should be worried about the redemption that Jesus made for us. We should only worry of the things that truly matter, the things of heaven.

I wrestlye everyday with my faith. that is why I am so thankful for it and for the love of Jesus Christ that I have found. No man here on earth can bring what I truly need, not even Catherine and the second that I believe that she can, then I have moved away from Him. I fear sometimes this message as those that do not understand it will rebuke it but it is what is laid on my heart. It is what I must express at this time. That I must rely soley on the Lord in all things and seek only Him.

Stop, stop, stop complaining about the simple things. Stop thinking tha this life is to make you feel good. The problems that you ask God to fix, what are they and why are they? Simple, neglagable issues that cause you pain. If it draws you away from Him then it is evil, if it does you must fight it, not embrace it. Pray for Him to let you see these things for what they are worth. Pray that you overcome the worldly issues. The one that should cause you suffering are the ones that lead you closer to Him.

Lord, rip me down to nothing in the circumstances of this world. Show me the path that I must walk everyday, through fires and turmoil, through longings that will lead directly to you. You suffered for me on that crass and there is no reason why I should think that I sjhould only recieve the benefits of that. Bring me to the place Lord where I have nothing else to offer you but me. Amen.